Run 1415 Nommo Gallery
Hares – mama mia, assisted by a boda boda.
Venue – Nommo Gallery opposite the Presidential lodge / state house in Nakasero. You cannot miss it.
The Run.
The run begun with a false trail downhill towards Ruwenzori courts, the ensuing check back brought us back to reach the All saints Church, where the walkers had an on on while the Runners and hashers went down little bit and run the entire bit (I do not know if they call that road Kyaddondo road) then past he former offices of USAID to that place just before the Private Sector Foundation Uganda where we had our first check point 9at that junction)
Then it was a climb up and past the blood bank then down again till we reached that place that used to have a Chinese restaurant, I think that restaurant is still there but I forget the name of the restaurant. This is where we heard our second check point. . . Not so sure about the position of the second check point but I remember there was a time at which we went down towards Hotel fairway, then round till we got to the Nakasero Primary School Football field where we had a check point. Probably this was the third check point. Then from the third check point it was an on in through that road which separates the Royale Imperial Hotel and Serena Hotel Kampala, up past Mosa courts past Rock gardens with all those wonderful memories then on in to Nommo gallery.
The circle
Rather subdued I would call it, there were a couple of visiting Hashers putting on jeans and white T-shirts, they claimed to have been visiting us from New York. They gave us a song, which by the way, this almost earned them hashit, they sounded like they were reciting the famous epic poem “The Iliad”.
Chatter box and Hashit were awarded (details are still coming in although some w*****rs are blocking the website where I get most of my information because they are sympathetic to the Wiki leaks guy who tells people things that were done to them that they should not be knowing and this make the people who have received this new information very very pissed off. (This is a short version of explaining everything about what is going on wikileaks)(I do hope those hackers do not start bombarding the KH3 blog with all sorts of data to slow it down,)(I am laughing at my own joke, time to check myself in at the nearest rehab)
Anyway, that was that, the mood was a little bit subdued, the management I heard later could only offer us one small table for our food so everything was served there, the caterer did not come with forks or spoons of knives so it was eating with the fingers, quite memorable if you asked me, by the way there was no water at the venue so basically, the situation was more of (our neighbors washed their hands after eating at the wedding party), there were no seat but the grass did just fine. The food was hot, so hot that it could scald your fingers. Beer was going for either 3,500 or 4K while the sodas were going for 1,500/=
Announcements made that day included the next Monday run that is due to be held at Danny’s Corner, somewhere in Muyenga towards the stone Quarry, (around there there, look out for the mango tree and a man grazing tow cows) while the run after that would be the club silk Christmas run, come with your dancing shoes, red and white is the dress code.
On On
Katanga
.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Hash #1414 - Palm Bar, Kisasi
Date: November 29, 2010
Hares: Mahoganess and Buffalo Dung
On my way to the hash on this particular Monday I happened to run into Defaulter and guest on a boda boda. Not knowing exactly where the hash was I offered them a ride and proceeded to be directed in what I was sure was a really bad way to go. We were basically off-roading through the village but then, to my surprise, and I'm pretty sure it surprised Defaulter too, we ended up on the right road and got there with 3 minutes to spare, which was plenty of time for Defaulter to stuff his pockets with free condoms that were all over a table inside the courtyard.
I took it easy and joined the hashers as I was feeling a bit under the weather after a wild hash bash but even so, we all started with a nice mountain climbing journey, followed closely by a mountain descent. The FRBs leaped and bounded down like mountain goats, when all I could imagine was my ankles giving out, my feet sliding on the loose maram and tumbling down the mountain in a painful and embarrassing fit - accompanied, not doubt, by hashers' raucous laughter.
During one check point we had, not a beer stop, but a whiskey stop. I believe it was Johnny Walker red label and it came complete mixers compliments of Perry Mason.
The rest of the run was uneventful except for the exodus of dragonflies that was going on over our heads. I had never seen anything like it but there must have been something damn good at the end of their flight because there were thousands!
In the circle we found out that hashers found the run too short, too dusty, too wet, not enough condoms and not enough whiskey.
Announcements:
- Next Hash - so, knowing what I know now, the next hash (that happened just before I sat down to write this blog) is actually at Nomo Gallery, but Mpuuta announced that it was going to be at Fly Zone in Kajjansi, zeya zeya! Mpuuta!! What happened?!
- Kampala MTN Marathon is featuring a KH3 tent as usual including breakfast for 5,000/- and beer for 1,000/- thanks to the grand masters
New Comers:
- Steven from Mukono came with thanks to Defaulter
Returnees:
- Gogolo has been out campaigning for M7, I actually heard that that stupid "You Want another Rap" song was Gogolo's idea...
- Fuggles is apparently very married but I wasn't sure if she was trying to brag or if she was complaining. But then she announced that she does 2 hashes per year so I stopped caring.
Sinners:
- Mechanica reached the hash at 6:30pm when everyone knows that the hash is actually THE only thing in Kampala that starts on time: 6 on the dot!
- Brenda got in trouble for playing with the hash tools - I guess that means she was playing with Queenie and Buffalo Dung? they're tools right?
- Dirty Dick, even though he has a very important place on the mismanagement committee as hash horn, didn't show up to the hash bash.
- Faisal got in trouble for not announcing himself as a new comer
Chatterbox:
No new offenses, these people just talk a lot so no real need for explanation. The nominees were Al's Bar, Kumamaji, Ali, Laura, Tutu and Topher. Kumamaji took home the honors.
Hash Shit:
- Sudhir for speaking out against sex on the hash
- Defaulter for having sex on the hash
Of course Defaulter won the honors because he's just that kind of guy.
On! On!
Solar Erection
Hares: Mahoganess and Buffalo Dung
On my way to the hash on this particular Monday I happened to run into Defaulter and guest on a boda boda. Not knowing exactly where the hash was I offered them a ride and proceeded to be directed in what I was sure was a really bad way to go. We were basically off-roading through the village but then, to my surprise, and I'm pretty sure it surprised Defaulter too, we ended up on the right road and got there with 3 minutes to spare, which was plenty of time for Defaulter to stuff his pockets with free condoms that were all over a table inside the courtyard.
I took it easy and joined the hashers as I was feeling a bit under the weather after a wild hash bash but even so, we all started with a nice mountain climbing journey, followed closely by a mountain descent. The FRBs leaped and bounded down like mountain goats, when all I could imagine was my ankles giving out, my feet sliding on the loose maram and tumbling down the mountain in a painful and embarrassing fit - accompanied, not doubt, by hashers' raucous laughter.
During one check point we had, not a beer stop, but a whiskey stop. I believe it was Johnny Walker red label and it came complete mixers compliments of Perry Mason.
The rest of the run was uneventful except for the exodus of dragonflies that was going on over our heads. I had never seen anything like it but there must have been something damn good at the end of their flight because there were thousands!
In the circle we found out that hashers found the run too short, too dusty, too wet, not enough condoms and not enough whiskey.
Announcements:
- Next Hash - so, knowing what I know now, the next hash (that happened just before I sat down to write this blog) is actually at Nomo Gallery, but Mpuuta announced that it was going to be at Fly Zone in Kajjansi, zeya zeya! Mpuuta!! What happened?!
- Kampala MTN Marathon is featuring a KH3 tent as usual including breakfast for 5,000/- and beer for 1,000/- thanks to the grand masters
New Comers:
- Steven from Mukono came with thanks to Defaulter
Returnees:
- Gogolo has been out campaigning for M7, I actually heard that that stupid "You Want another Rap" song was Gogolo's idea...
- Fuggles is apparently very married but I wasn't sure if she was trying to brag or if she was complaining. But then she announced that she does 2 hashes per year so I stopped caring.
Sinners:
- Mechanica reached the hash at 6:30pm when everyone knows that the hash is actually THE only thing in Kampala that starts on time: 6 on the dot!
- Brenda got in trouble for playing with the hash tools - I guess that means she was playing with Queenie and Buffalo Dung? they're tools right?
- Dirty Dick, even though he has a very important place on the mismanagement committee as hash horn, didn't show up to the hash bash.
- Faisal got in trouble for not announcing himself as a new comer
Chatterbox:
No new offenses, these people just talk a lot so no real need for explanation. The nominees were Al's Bar, Kumamaji, Ali, Laura, Tutu and Topher. Kumamaji took home the honors.
Hash Shit:
- Sudhir for speaking out against sex on the hash
- Defaulter for having sex on the hash
Of course Defaulter won the honors because he's just that kind of guy.
On! On!
Solar Erection
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Run 1413 - Hash Bash - Royal Suites Bugolobi
Run 1413 – Hash Bash – Royal Suites Bugolobi
Hare: Al’s Bar
Date; Saturday 27th November 2010
The Run;-
The Run begun from the swanky or is it Swampy Suites (it seemed to me like a lot of land reclamation too place expanding the place from like one quarter acre to Foot ball fields of space right in the middle of the City) but that too is a story for another day.
From the venue, a check back brought us to our senses then up we went to run along Binayomba Road, till that place as you approach the Bugolobi Flats, then down into some kind of Katanga-like place behind the flats of Bugolobi to reach the check point numero uno at that place where there is still a football field waiting to be reclaimed by some developer soon. Anyway, this place overlooks the Bugolobi flats. We had a song from Dayo, using some chick (I do hope it’s not sexiest to use that word Hackenbush) as illustration. I think it was that song, ‘ if she were a single and she was to marry, she would marry a mechanic more than any other, for he would screw and she would screw, they would screw together, right I the middle of ………………… screwing one another. (Oh dear, I beg for forgiveness)
Then round we went round about there-there (as Mpuuta like to call it) till we got to some Washing bay along the Bugolobi – Kitintale Road. Then with we climbed that road that leadeth ( a little chakespeare in me)( or is it shakespear) to the MTN switch, where by the mercy of his most gracious, most merciful I once entered and saw ‘network’ live with my very own two eyes. Just before the MTN switch, we went down to reach the Bugolobi market, through the market and climb that Hill that has got a church and half way through the Hill we took a left turn and a gentler climb and an equally gentle decent past what looked to me like some kind of educational institution, to the second check point.
At the second check point, we got another song from Dayo, this one about body parts movements, then a basic on in took us right back to the Suites. My estimate is about 4 – 6 K.
We are glad to have received some green T-shirts, prior to the run.
The Circle
The fruits were generous by all proportions. The circle was held, the number of participants in the run were about 50 or so. Not too bad for a Saturday run. (I am trying to sound as unaffected as possible)
We had Afirfart as a returnee. Who claimed that she had been on tour working, when the more informed of us know that she had been busy making babies.
Sinners included Afrifart, Perry mason, Loketo, Saddam, Galloping Major and Kandahar and a few newer Hashers.
Chatter box went to Solar Erection after she won a close encounter with Porn Master
Hash Shit or should we call it Bash Shit went out to Toilet Kiss after Arrow gal rejected her nomination and instead nominated the one who nominated her Solar Erection because there was no magazine this Hash year.
The rest, as they say is mere wolokoso.
After the circle, it was a break for one hour to freshen up then the real fun started. But the full details of the fun, what went so dead wrong, what went so right, who fought with who, who wanted to telephone whose wife that the husband at the Hash kisses so many wankerettes excluding her and that she too wanted to be one of them, How some idiot closed down the entire Hash bash so prematurely, being ordered to sing national anthems, being ordered to stand up, being forced to switch off television and the like, who sleeps with who after just buying her one beer, erections that took place and the drama of the electoral process, how many moonberg lager were drank, who won what award, and basically that sort of thing, the full details are going to be brung to you after the people from WIKILEAKS have approved them. On on
By the way we know exactly how each one of you voted, each ballot paper was corresponding to the number that registered with, and we matched the numbers and now know the details so we are going to concentrate the Hash Shits of this year to those one on the NO side. Actually I plan to ask Hajji Aziz kaPisser to publish the details of this list. It might be interesting.
Anyway, anyway, anyway, Nsanyuse.
Katanga BBI
By the way, here is a joke for you, I got it from Hash Master Party Boy, it was meant for that Magazine that did not come out this year. On On
Making a baby. This is hilarious!
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'
'Tripod?'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted
Hare: Al’s Bar
Date; Saturday 27th November 2010
The Run;-
The Run begun from the swanky or is it Swampy Suites (it seemed to me like a lot of land reclamation too place expanding the place from like one quarter acre to Foot ball fields of space right in the middle of the City) but that too is a story for another day.
From the venue, a check back brought us to our senses then up we went to run along Binayomba Road, till that place as you approach the Bugolobi Flats, then down into some kind of Katanga-like place behind the flats of Bugolobi to reach the check point numero uno at that place where there is still a football field waiting to be reclaimed by some developer soon. Anyway, this place overlooks the Bugolobi flats. We had a song from Dayo, using some chick (I do hope it’s not sexiest to use that word Hackenbush) as illustration. I think it was that song, ‘ if she were a single and she was to marry, she would marry a mechanic more than any other, for he would screw and she would screw, they would screw together, right I the middle of ………………… screwing one another. (Oh dear, I beg for forgiveness)
Then round we went round about there-there (as Mpuuta like to call it) till we got to some Washing bay along the Bugolobi – Kitintale Road. Then with we climbed that road that leadeth ( a little chakespeare in me)( or is it shakespear) to the MTN switch, where by the mercy of his most gracious, most merciful I once entered and saw ‘network’ live with my very own two eyes. Just before the MTN switch, we went down to reach the Bugolobi market, through the market and climb that Hill that has got a church and half way through the Hill we took a left turn and a gentler climb and an equally gentle decent past what looked to me like some kind of educational institution, to the second check point.
At the second check point, we got another song from Dayo, this one about body parts movements, then a basic on in took us right back to the Suites. My estimate is about 4 – 6 K.
We are glad to have received some green T-shirts, prior to the run.
The Circle
The fruits were generous by all proportions. The circle was held, the number of participants in the run were about 50 or so. Not too bad for a Saturday run. (I am trying to sound as unaffected as possible)
We had Afirfart as a returnee. Who claimed that she had been on tour working, when the more informed of us know that she had been busy making babies.
Sinners included Afrifart, Perry mason, Loketo, Saddam, Galloping Major and Kandahar and a few newer Hashers.
Chatter box went to Solar Erection after she won a close encounter with Porn Master
Hash Shit or should we call it Bash Shit went out to Toilet Kiss after Arrow gal rejected her nomination and instead nominated the one who nominated her Solar Erection because there was no magazine this Hash year.
The rest, as they say is mere wolokoso.
After the circle, it was a break for one hour to freshen up then the real fun started. But the full details of the fun, what went so dead wrong, what went so right, who fought with who, who wanted to telephone whose wife that the husband at the Hash kisses so many wankerettes excluding her and that she too wanted to be one of them, How some idiot closed down the entire Hash bash so prematurely, being ordered to sing national anthems, being ordered to stand up, being forced to switch off television and the like, who sleeps with who after just buying her one beer, erections that took place and the drama of the electoral process, how many moonberg lager were drank, who won what award, and basically that sort of thing, the full details are going to be brung to you after the people from WIKILEAKS have approved them. On on
By the way we know exactly how each one of you voted, each ballot paper was corresponding to the number that registered with, and we matched the numbers and now know the details so we are going to concentrate the Hash Shits of this year to those one on the NO side. Actually I plan to ask Hajji Aziz kaPisser to publish the details of this list. It might be interesting.
Anyway, anyway, anyway, Nsanyuse.
Katanga BBI
By the way, here is a joke for you, I got it from Hash Master Party Boy, it was meant for that Magazine that did not come out this year. On On
Making a baby. This is hilarious!
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'
'Tripod?'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted
Friday, November 26, 2010
Hash #1411 - Kampala Club
Here I sit, my time as Hash Scribe winding down as 2010 does the same. It's natural that at a time like this, we start to take stock of the past year. I thought about doing this, getting all sappy about the great time I've had as scribe... and then I remembered how much this blog reminds me of those Sunday evenings when I was in school and had a stack of homework that I hadn't yet finished, weighing on the conscience until finally I break and type up some BS for the 3.5 readers to read and chuckle over at work when they should actually be working. Hell, who am I kidding, I sometimes write the blog when I'm supposed to be working and it's rarely done by Sunday night!
This coming weekend is the 2010 Hash Bash and along with hashing, eating, drinking beer and being generally merry, a new mismanagement will be chosen and I will be grinning ear to ear because I will soon be handing this blog and other duties over to some poor schmuck who doesn't know what he/she is getting into.
Monday's hash was at the Kampala Club and was hared by Idle Balls, Queenie and Hacken Bush. Hacken Bush tried to explain some kind of special way the hash was set, with 3 hares, but no one was really paying attention and I was no exception so I'll just leave it at that.
Announcements:
- Hash Bash will be on the 27th of November (this Saturday) and the fee has now gone down to 35,000/- so hurry up and sign up!
***THIS JUST IN***
Nominations for KH3 Mismanagement 2011
Nomination A
Hashmaster - Eddie Matumbwe - Virus
Hash Cash - Jimmy Mukasa - Mpuuta
Hare Raiser - Charles Kabunga - Mukira
Hash Stat - Fred Masadde - Knock Knees
Nominated by - Ian Clark - Hillary
- Next Monday's hash is all the way over in Natete at the Stallion Hotel so make sure that you leave wherever you are by midday to get there on time.
- Special announcement about the Gisenyi Hash from last weekend:
A grand time was had by all and the Kigali Hash took it upon themselves to baptize four of our own.
This coming weekend is the 2010 Hash Bash and along with hashing, eating, drinking beer and being generally merry, a new mismanagement will be chosen and I will be grinning ear to ear because I will soon be handing this blog and other duties over to some poor schmuck who doesn't know what he/she is getting into.
Monday's hash was at the Kampala Club and was hared by Idle Balls, Queenie and Hacken Bush. Hacken Bush tried to explain some kind of special way the hash was set, with 3 hares, but no one was really paying attention and I was no exception so I'll just leave it at that.
Announcements:
- Hash Bash will be on the 27th of November (this Saturday) and the fee has now gone down to 35,000/- so hurry up and sign up!
***THIS JUST IN***
Nominations for KH3 Mismanagement 2011
Nomination A
Hashmaster - Eddie Matumbwe - Virus
Hash Cash - Jimmy Mukasa - Mpuuta
Hare Raiser - Charles Kabunga - Mukira
Hash Stat - Fred Masadde - Knock Knees
Nominated by - Ian Clark - Hillary
Nomination B
Hashmaster - Jimmy Muyanja - Perry Mason
Hash Cash - Enoth Mugabi - Conman
Hare Raiser - Richard Mwebembezi -Mupakasi
Hash Stat - Betty Makumbi - Daddy's Girl
Nominated by - Albert Kareeba - Galloping Major
Nomination C
Hashmaster - Richard Mwebembezi -Mupakasi
Hash Cash - Enoth Mugabi - Conman
Hare Raiser - Abdu Kafuuma - Defaulter
Hash Stat - Sophie Kasozi - Mukodo
Nominated by - Sophie Kasozi - Mukodo
- Next Monday's hash is all the way over in Natete at the Stallion Hotel so make sure that you leave wherever you are by midday to get there on time.
- Special announcement about the Gisenyi Hash from last weekend:
A grand time was had by all and the Kigali Hash took it upon themselves to baptize four of our own.
- Nuru is now known as Sperm Bank
- Joann will forever be called Kuma Maji
- Deo is now named Toilet Keys
- Monica's hash handle is Street Walker
- The Hope Ward run will be taking place on November 28th - get warmed up for the MTN Marathon! 10,000/-
New Comers:
- Daniel from Germany was made to come by Dipstick
- I later found out that this guy's name is Kagimu Ema but it honestly took about 15 repeats for me to hear something that wasn't completely unintelligible.
- Bowling Balls made some dude named Edward come
- Miriam was extremely busy as she made Asaf (of E. Africa), Emily and Lillian come!
Sinners:
- Adiga was wearing a (non-hash) t-shirt that said "No, I am not on Facebook" Anyone who knows Adiga knows this statement to be completely false!
- Sperm Bank for telling Perry Mason that if his organ fails, she's got something to help
- Slippery When Wet didn't run or pay
- Stretch Marks was not there when HM presented some peppers, I just want to ask about these peppers, were they habañero, bell or jalapeño?
- Kimasula stole the hashit implements then blamed Kamdul
- Galloping Major was brought in as a sinner (even though he's not a General) because we've known Generals to shoot but now apparently they're singing!
Chatterbox came down to the following w**kers for the usual offences:
- Slippery When Wet
- Nipples
- Daddy's Girl
Nipples won and took two down downs for her farewell hash.
Hashit:
- Hillary was already the highest office in the land as Hash Master and now he's seeking to be the lowest - a politician!
- Rock Garden has been wearing earmuffs to the hash lately - the kind that play music and keep your ears warm at the same time.
- Hash Cash - for some reason there were 5 coffins on the hash bash budget????!!!!!
- Shotput for uprooting and stealing plants from the K'la Club
- Al's Bar for selling his name (Busuuba) to Hillary for an undisclosed price
The winner/loser was Hillary so yet again, all Hash Masters (except Kabuki, who was hiding) got to get hashit.
On! On!
Solar Erection
Monday, November 15, 2010
Hash #1410 - Magic Car Wash
Hares: Mama Mia and Mazongoto
Mazongoto came up to me following the hash, seeming very concerned about whether it was enjoyable or not. I told him it was fine even though I was chasing and missed the first checkpoint. I cannot, however say the same thing about the circle. The circle had no spirit and nearly put me to sleep and I'm not the kind of person who can gloss over a POS circle like that and make it seem like it was filled with hilarity and mirth, I am waaaaay to honest for that. This is going to save me a lot of time, actually because while the run was good - could've used more beer stops - the circle was too boring for me to even spend beyond the bare minimum reporting, so here you go:
- Hash Bash, November 27th, Royal Suites, 40,000/-
- Gisenyi has already happened by this point so I won't bother, hope everyone had fun in Rwanda!
- Monday's run is at Kampala Club - zea zea as Mpuuta says
New Comers:
- Harriet claims to be the most beautiful girl in the world... umm... yeah, I disagree but I like your blind, stupid confidence, Harriet, it makes writing this thing easy :) So Harriet is working in Kansanga and Nunu, whoever that is, made her come.
- Sir Song Man is a visiting hasher from Holland and the Jakarta hash where he was way back in 1978, before this Hash scribe was even born
- We also had Notin Any from the Netherlands (she corrected his common geographical error that is somehow quite common for people who actually come from there...) adding that they both always come by themselves
- Faruk from K'la came because of Defaulter
- Ernest from Italia came with Joshua - we all know how those Europeans can be.
- Ball Gazer - seems like she's been hashing unless her parents really had a sense of humor or she's trying to name herself - came with Nipples
- Dolly Dutch was also in there with her fellow dutchies
- Nunu has been a very, very busy girl indeed because she also made Marion come, Nunu, get off the sexual network!!!!!
- Chris Jackson is unlucky enough to hail from California which is really such a horrible thing that I can't bear to make any more fun, Yvette made him come
We were treated to a song by our new Dutch friends, I couldn't make out much off what they were saying but the song seemed to be about gay, Mexican, terrorist bears... or not.
Sinners
- Katanga Bbi was chatting up someone for a change, I think I'll just give him scribe duty from now on so he stops bothering people with his inane stories and jokes.
- Swine Flu was a look alike for Hash Cash who had bought two super-awesome Firefly(TM) lights from one of the friendliest, nicest and best looking hashers, for the hash but has absconded with them both for his private use.
- Dayo came late - strange for a man of his age, there must have been some interesting drugs in play - and never even ran
- Dip Stick - I'm not sure what his actual offense was but when he came to kneel in the circle, he was drinking a glass of wine. If this isn't a hashitable offense, I'm really not sure what is, but he got off quite easy this time
Dirty Dick was recognized with New Shoes
Chatterbox went to Kwashiorkor who beat out Ball Gazer, Chilli Sauce and Federo
Hashit went to Perry Mason who didn't run the hash and was not doing his job as a member of the goon squad...
See everyone at the Kampala Club!
On! On!
Solar Erection
Mazongoto came up to me following the hash, seeming very concerned about whether it was enjoyable or not. I told him it was fine even though I was chasing and missed the first checkpoint. I cannot, however say the same thing about the circle. The circle had no spirit and nearly put me to sleep and I'm not the kind of person who can gloss over a POS circle like that and make it seem like it was filled with hilarity and mirth, I am waaaaay to honest for that. This is going to save me a lot of time, actually because while the run was good - could've used more beer stops - the circle was too boring for me to even spend beyond the bare minimum reporting, so here you go:
- Hash Bash, November 27th, Royal Suites, 40,000/-
- Gisenyi has already happened by this point so I won't bother, hope everyone had fun in Rwanda!
- Monday's run is at Kampala Club - zea zea as Mpuuta says
New Comers:
- Harriet claims to be the most beautiful girl in the world... umm... yeah, I disagree but I like your blind, stupid confidence, Harriet, it makes writing this thing easy :) So Harriet is working in Kansanga and Nunu, whoever that is, made her come.
- Sir Song Man is a visiting hasher from Holland and the Jakarta hash where he was way back in 1978, before this Hash scribe was even born
- We also had Notin Any from the Netherlands (she corrected his common geographical error that is somehow quite common for people who actually come from there...) adding that they both always come by themselves
- Faruk from K'la came because of Defaulter
- Ernest from Italia came with Joshua - we all know how those Europeans can be.
- Ball Gazer - seems like she's been hashing unless her parents really had a sense of humor or she's trying to name herself - came with Nipples
- Dolly Dutch was also in there with her fellow dutchies
- Nunu has been a very, very busy girl indeed because she also made Marion come, Nunu, get off the sexual network!!!!!
- Chris Jackson is unlucky enough to hail from California which is really such a horrible thing that I can't bear to make any more fun, Yvette made him come
We were treated to a song by our new Dutch friends, I couldn't make out much off what they were saying but the song seemed to be about gay, Mexican, terrorist bears... or not.
Sinners
- Katanga Bbi was chatting up someone for a change, I think I'll just give him scribe duty from now on so he stops bothering people with his inane stories and jokes.
- Swine Flu was a look alike for Hash Cash who had bought two super-awesome Firefly(TM) lights from one of the friendliest, nicest and best looking hashers, for the hash but has absconded with them both for his private use.
- Dayo came late - strange for a man of his age, there must have been some interesting drugs in play - and never even ran
- Dip Stick - I'm not sure what his actual offense was but when he came to kneel in the circle, he was drinking a glass of wine. If this isn't a hashitable offense, I'm really not sure what is, but he got off quite easy this time
Dirty Dick was recognized with New Shoes
Chatterbox went to Kwashiorkor who beat out Ball Gazer, Chilli Sauce and Federo
Hashit went to Perry Mason who didn't run the hash and was not doing his job as a member of the goon squad...
See everyone at the Kampala Club!
On! On!
Solar Erection
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Kaazi Run - #1409
This year's Kaazi Run was hared by Pisser as usual, and as usual hashers had a nice Saturday run while breathing more dust than actual air. Hashers assembled at the American Recreation Association in Makindye mid-afternoon, collected their t-shirts and set off around 4:30pm.
I am admittedly slower than the average hasher but some of my highlights included being amassing the following list of greetings from children and adults along the way:
I am admittedly slower than the average hasher but some of my highlights included being amassing the following list of greetings from children and adults along the way:
- "Muzungu bye!!" - this is a standard, heard at any hash where children are present
- "See you!" - this was an interesting take, slightly different but more or less the same gist
- "See you later!" - I felt a little bad about this because, sorry kid, you're not going to see me later
- "How ah yoo?!" - nice touch but most of the time I wanted to scream "hot and tired!!!!!" at the poor kids so I opted for refraining from speaking instead
- "You have to catch up, you are too lazy!" - this guy is pretty lucky that I'm not the one he was talking to. I may have run off the road and coughed the dust out of my lungs into his eyes
- Something in Luganda spoken by one man to a group of men, then uncontrollable laughter - I always assume the worst of this situation, like that they're probably being totally misogynistic, sexist, dickhead-asshole-douchebags but I'm going to assume the best of people and translate what he was saying to, "Oh my goodness, look at that utterly fabulous and intelligent young lady running by! While she is not the fastest runner I have seen, but she is giving a good effort and that is commendable. Say, have you heard that rap that Museveni does? It's pretty funny, isn't it?" LOL LOL LOL
The highlight of my run, though, was noticing a sign painted on the wall of a neighborhood bar stating "NO SMORKING." For the rest of my run I was planning how I would introduce the verb "to smork" into the Red Pepper dictionary as a word that means to publicly humiliate oneself, as a senior politician, all in the hopes of gaining the youth vote in an upcoming election. Thoughts? If you can think of a better definition for "smork" leave it in the comments and we can vote on the best ones.
Upon arrival at Kaazi there was plenty of fruits and water (for a change... ahem... Itching Thighs!) and hashers milled around waiting for the arrival of the final few runners.
While on our first rounds, I overheard some asshat douchebags teasing Sad Term about having collapsed last year from heat exhaustion. I was not at Kaazi last year but I heard about it and apparently these very same asshat douchebags did absolutely nothing to help a hasher in need. You know who you are and you should be totally ashamed of yourselves. I am sorry to get so serious on a blog that is usually upbeat and humorous but sometimes, things need to be said and I'm not afraid to do it.
OK, back to the circle. Pisser lead the circle and started with asking for comments on the hash which included:
- too wet
- too dusty
- no beer stops
- no water
ANNOUNCEMENT: If you didn't get a t-shirt for the run give Pisser your size and you'll get your shirt at Run #1411 on November 22nd.
New Comers
- Eddie from Kenya seemed confused with whether he was a new-comer or a visiting hasher but he was happy to take a down-down for both. He was in from the Nairobbery hash and was looking for a nice Ugandan woman to steal away.
- Jeremy Philips is in Kampala working to empower African children or some such nonsense.
- Anthony from North Carolina was just passing through
- Asad, who is Ugandan, single, searching and an interior designer was coming for the first time
Returnees
- Adiga has just returned from paternity leave
- Off Layer is reporting to be back from giving birth to triplets
I wonder if the two are connected...
Sinners
- Martin was probably the fastest runner at the Kaazi run this year but he came in 8th because he got lost in Makindye before he arrived at the starting line.
- Chili Sauce brought Eddie back into the circle because he came begging to Chili when asked to song us a sing. Chili then made him sing the 3rd verse of the Kenyan National Anthem for everyone in Kiswahili.
- Johnny Walker was brought into the circle for getting the run t-shirt but then wearing a different one
- Small Hole nearly drove over White Crap because he was the last hasher, but Small Hole couldn't be located so a look-alike was chosen
Chatterbox
The award came down to Noor, who was so busy chatting that she broke a glass, and Gordon (who may not have actually known his given name) who had been chatting with Noor. Noor won.
Baptism
Robert Musobe from the east was given the name choices of Jiggers, Roaming Jiggers and Jigger Erection. Of course the hashers were most fond of Jigger Erection so he will now and forever be known as Jigger Erection - I was told that it has something to do with the Jigger outbreaks in Busoga and poverty being caused by Museveni.
New Shoes
Idrissa, one of the FRBs was caught with some fancy new shoes that didn't hold soda very well.
Hashit
- Prepaid Sex won Chatterbox on Monday, kept the implements for Xmas tree decoration and then lied to the Grand Master about where they were
- Kifurugunyu for just being himself
- Masolo needed a translation on something... not sure what.
Kifurugunyu won the ultimate honors/punishment.
The next hash is at MAGIC CAR WASH! See you there.
On! On!
Solar Erection
Run #1408 Hotel International 2000!
Keeping with the trend, I'll start with a joke, here we go:
Q: How many hash scribes does it take to write drivel about a bunch of w**kers every week?
A: More than 2 if the two are Solar Erection and Katanga Bbi
Yes, I know that we (read I) have been lost and while I'm not sure about Katanga, I have two great excuses: 1 - it gets truly exhausting writing about you bastards every week. and 2 - I've been out of the country and haven't attended a hash since Joglo Bar. I suppose I could've guessed what happened and written about that, and I likely would've been 97% right but maybe we'll try that route another time.
Katanga - I'm waiting for your clever excuse.
Monday's hash was at "Hotel International 2000" and honestly my favorite part of that name is the 2000 - like they want us to know they haven't remodelled or made any improvements for over a decade. Have some forethought people!
The Hare was Itching Thighs and while she was quite mean with the number of (quite obvious) check backs she planned for us, she was quite polite, saying things like "Runners, Hashers down, PLEASE!" I don't think I've ever heard such good manners from a hasher - it really caught me off guard. But then all was back to normal when we arrived back at Hotel International 2000 and there was no water to be seen. The walkers and FRBs had sucked the one case dry and the rest of us were left to wander around like whiny children, asking "WHERE IS THE WATER??? GIVE US WATER!"
Though Kiluvluv was offering us the option of drinking out of some kind of puddle that had accumulated in the yard. Many may have opted for this even though it'd likely give them bilharzia of the stomach and ebola, simply because there was truly no other water in sight... besides the pool... and everyone knows that kids and some certain hashers pee in the pool, so that option was crossed off the list.
Anyway, the water eventually showed up and we eventually started the circle:
The consensus of the run was that there was no where near enough beer and either not enough of too many checkbacks and of course - too much water for hashers when they finished.
Announcements:
- Kaazi Run is this Saturday starting in Makindye at the ARA. It costs 10,000/- and registration starts at 3:30 at the ARA. There will be a bus from Kaazi back to the ARA following the run and a bus leaving Kaazi at 2:45 for those who want to park there.
- Some w**ker who fancies himself a bit of a Benedict Arnold got up and was offering an alternative Hash Bash... For cheaper... Yeah, I'm not sure either.
- The real Hash Bash will be held at Royal Suites on November 27th, the fee is 40,000/- (Though if you're looking for something for around 25,000/- you can go to the Judas Hash Bash - though besides the price I'm not sure of any details)
- Gishenyi Run - register @Shop 47 the fee is $68 and transport will be 80,000/-
- MTN - They are still threatening to close registration... now they say it's Nov 7th... We all know you'll still be able to register up to the week before but just in case they keep their word, you may want to think about registering.
- Next Monday's Hash will be held at a place called Magic Parking near Christ the King and La Bonita. I can't help but wonder, what the hell is so magical about a parking lot? We'll have to go and find out. Usual crowd, usual time.
Newcomers
- Jan says he's from Kampala and that Long John Silver made him come but remaining quite mysterious, that's all he told us so I'll have to make up the rest. Jan, pronounced "yan," is a muzungu from somewhere in Europe so my deductive skillz tell me that he is here working for a state agency or NGO. Or Jan could be a mercenary.
Returnees
- Danny Boy has returned from China where he was getting his masters but if you ask me I'd say that he just had a major case of Yellow Fever, if you know what I mean.
Sinners
-Inflation didn't bother coming into the circle when returnees were called for
- Pamper and Masulo were talking all through the circle
- Conman was outed in a recent edition of some newspaper - but before you get your torches and pitchforks it was for being baker and not the lawyer we thought he was.
- Landlord was caught canoodling with young boys on the route, since Landlord himself had run off we had to go with a look-alike who told me his name and it sounded like Robert Mugabe, so that's what I'm writing, even though he didn't have a Hitler-esque mustache and he also didn't look like an ancient, Zimbabwean autocrat so I'm thinking it wasn't THAT Rober Mugabe.
- Two big-bellied men with matching t-shirts were both always on the phone so they were brought in but also made to "turn around" and show us those glorious, 8.5 month baby bumps.
Chatterbox
Pre-paid Sex ended up beating out Jackie and Thierry's Pussy and Nipples for Chatterbox for doing what hashers do - shooting the shit, gossiping, running their mouths, yeah, all that stuff.
Hashit
- Kwashiorkor was overheard shouting to Queenie as he ran by, "Don't worry Queenie, I still love you!" This is a little sad because, as we all know, while Queenie has been known to go for ginger ladies, they usually have a much lighter complexion than Kwashiorkor.
- Alex was brought in simply because he's a muzungu and claims that he works in Kampala "once in a while."
- Monique who doesn't even know why she was there, was brought in for being a goody-goody.
When we were seconds from singing a down-down for Kwashiorkor as Hashit, the award was stolen by Pamper who prematurely threw a soft drink at Kwashiorkor. Now a brief lesson for all hashers: doing anything prematurely isn't good - avoid it all costs, otherwise reap the consequences, as Pamper found out at Hotel International 2000!
On! On!
Solar Erection
Q: How many hash scribes does it take to write drivel about a bunch of w**kers every week?
A: More than 2 if the two are Solar Erection and Katanga Bbi
Yes, I know that we (read I) have been lost and while I'm not sure about Katanga, I have two great excuses: 1 - it gets truly exhausting writing about you bastards every week. and 2 - I've been out of the country and haven't attended a hash since Joglo Bar. I suppose I could've guessed what happened and written about that, and I likely would've been 97% right but maybe we'll try that route another time.
Katanga - I'm waiting for your clever excuse.
Monday's hash was at "Hotel International 2000" and honestly my favorite part of that name is the 2000 - like they want us to know they haven't remodelled or made any improvements for over a decade. Have some forethought people!
The Hare was Itching Thighs and while she was quite mean with the number of (quite obvious) check backs she planned for us, she was quite polite, saying things like "Runners, Hashers down, PLEASE!" I don't think I've ever heard such good manners from a hasher - it really caught me off guard. But then all was back to normal when we arrived back at Hotel International 2000 and there was no water to be seen. The walkers and FRBs had sucked the one case dry and the rest of us were left to wander around like whiny children, asking "WHERE IS THE WATER??? GIVE US WATER!"
Though Kiluvluv was offering us the option of drinking out of some kind of puddle that had accumulated in the yard. Many may have opted for this even though it'd likely give them bilharzia of the stomach and ebola, simply because there was truly no other water in sight... besides the pool... and everyone knows that kids and some certain hashers pee in the pool, so that option was crossed off the list.
Anyway, the water eventually showed up and we eventually started the circle:
The consensus of the run was that there was no where near enough beer and either not enough of too many checkbacks and of course - too much water for hashers when they finished.
Announcements:
- Kaazi Run is this Saturday starting in Makindye at the ARA. It costs 10,000/- and registration starts at 3:30 at the ARA. There will be a bus from Kaazi back to the ARA following the run and a bus leaving Kaazi at 2:45 for those who want to park there.
- Some w**ker who fancies himself a bit of a Benedict Arnold got up and was offering an alternative Hash Bash... For cheaper... Yeah, I'm not sure either.
- The real Hash Bash will be held at Royal Suites on November 27th, the fee is 40,000/- (Though if you're looking for something for around 25,000/- you can go to the Judas Hash Bash - though besides the price I'm not sure of any details)
- Gishenyi Run - register @Shop 47 the fee is $68 and transport will be 80,000/-
- MTN - They are still threatening to close registration... now they say it's Nov 7th... We all know you'll still be able to register up to the week before but just in case they keep their word, you may want to think about registering.
- Next Monday's Hash will be held at a place called Magic Parking near Christ the King and La Bonita. I can't help but wonder, what the hell is so magical about a parking lot? We'll have to go and find out. Usual crowd, usual time.
Newcomers
- Jan says he's from Kampala and that Long John Silver made him come but remaining quite mysterious, that's all he told us so I'll have to make up the rest. Jan, pronounced "yan," is a muzungu from somewhere in Europe so my deductive skillz tell me that he is here working for a state agency or NGO. Or Jan could be a mercenary.
Returnees
- Danny Boy has returned from China where he was getting his masters but if you ask me I'd say that he just had a major case of Yellow Fever, if you know what I mean.
Sinners
-Inflation didn't bother coming into the circle when returnees were called for
- Pamper and Masulo were talking all through the circle
- Conman was outed in a recent edition of some newspaper - but before you get your torches and pitchforks it was for being baker and not the lawyer we thought he was.
- Landlord was caught canoodling with young boys on the route, since Landlord himself had run off we had to go with a look-alike who told me his name and it sounded like Robert Mugabe, so that's what I'm writing, even though he didn't have a Hitler-esque mustache and he also didn't look like an ancient, Zimbabwean autocrat so I'm thinking it wasn't THAT Rober Mugabe.
- Two big-bellied men with matching t-shirts were both always on the phone so they were brought in but also made to "turn around" and show us those glorious, 8.5 month baby bumps.
Chatterbox
Pre-paid Sex ended up beating out Jackie and Thierry's Pussy and Nipples for Chatterbox for doing what hashers do - shooting the shit, gossiping, running their mouths, yeah, all that stuff.
Hashit
- Kwashiorkor was overheard shouting to Queenie as he ran by, "Don't worry Queenie, I still love you!" This is a little sad because, as we all know, while Queenie has been known to go for ginger ladies, they usually have a much lighter complexion than Kwashiorkor.
- Alex was brought in simply because he's a muzungu and claims that he works in Kampala "once in a while."
- Monique who doesn't even know why she was there, was brought in for being a goody-goody.
When we were seconds from singing a down-down for Kwashiorkor as Hashit, the award was stolen by Pamper who prematurely threw a soft drink at Kwashiorkor. Now a brief lesson for all hashers: doing anything prematurely isn't good - avoid it all costs, otherwise reap the consequences, as Pamper found out at Hotel International 2000!
On! On!
Solar Erection
Friday, October 29, 2010
Jokes Only - TBC
Tony, having his second son christened, was much concerned about getting the correct name on the birth certificate.
"Will you please name the baby just as I give it to you"?
"Certainly", answered the minister, "why shouldn't I"?
"Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When I told you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you wrote on his birth certificate 'Thomas'.
This boy I want to name Jack".
source: http://Johns-Jokes.com
"Will you please name the baby just as I give it to you"?
"Certainly", answered the minister, "why shouldn't I"?
"Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When I told you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you wrote on his birth certificate 'Thomas'.
This boy I want to name Jack".
source: http://Johns-Jokes.com
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Run 1402 - Joglo, Naalya
This really is the best lawyer story of the year,
decade and probably the century.
A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: That the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued...and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."
NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the Insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
ONLY IN AMERICA!!!
Run 1401 – Joglo Naalya
Date:- 4th October 2010
Location; Located at the big round about on the Northern By Pass, at Naalya.
Hares; Fancy Pants assisted by Queenie.
The Run;
I found this already underway, and was chasing most of the way, in short, the run was quiet lovely, not too short not too long, and probably a total combined 5 KM for the entire run. There was a timely beer stop at the second check point. T-shirts were available I think for the first 100 people who turned up, red T-shirts that too were well designed.
Circle, we had a speech from Rachael of Computer Point, one of the sponsors of the run, probably the sponsor of the run,
The Next run is to take place at Nook club along George Street in Kampala, opposite former TLC Club
We had a few newcomers including Terry Hatcher form Nairobery, at which it is customly to watch your pockets when you hear someone, is from Nairobery.
Big Sam was also there as a returnee, so was Antelope, and of course as you all know, when a GM gets a Down down, all GMs including in Hash Mattresses deserve the Down down.
Announcements for the independence run were made by Dirty Dick; there will be two runs, one on Friday, and another one on Saturday.
Other New comers included Meier and Josoyn, who have hashed before somewhere,
Among the sinners we had that day included Big Balls , Chadwick and Katanga Bbi, Galloping Major, Buffalo Dung and Septic tonku, Kazi loo and FatBoy were nominated for chatter box, I think Fatoy won.
Pisser made an announcement ha one of our very own GMs would be celebrating a birthday any time, so we song to him Bean Counter our happy Bash day song.
Hackenbush nominated Federo for having made an entry into Wikipedia, at which he asked, what is Wikipedia?!, Solar erection was nominated by Porn Master for saying that she always loves a fcku, or is it cfuk every Friday. Of course you guess right, Solar Erection won this one. And that my friend was that,
I have to compliment the hare on having organized a lovely Chicken Muchomo Dinner, quite memorable., on On to ishaka.
PHOTOS COMING SOON
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Hash Trash
To: philip@brierley.org; william.kosar@gmail.com; jimbusulwa@yahoo.com; simonpbugg@yahoo.com; S'raith Mbarute
Sent: Tue, October 5, 2010 11:55:06 AM
Subject: Gisenyi hash event by Kigali
Dear hashers,
Kigali Hash House Harries, is happy to invited you for big event in Gisenyi (north of rwanda )
The event will be held on lake Kivu beach, surrounded by green 100hills for which will enjoy a run after cold beers.
More details will reach very soon (at least 1month a head) so that you could prepare you self, but the plan is it arrival on Friday 12th Nov at Gisenyi and run 13th Nov, as this place is closed to Congo boarder we still looking a visit in Goma town (if we get facility on logistic).
For quick communication please call me on +250 788455362 or email: mb_sourai2@yahoo.fr
Cheers
ON ON
Crazy Horse
JOKE
Two fishermen were adrift in their rented boat due to an engine failure. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.
One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On On
Katanga Bbi.
decade and probably the century.
A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: That the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued...and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."
NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the Insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
ONLY IN AMERICA!!!
Run 1401 – Joglo Naalya
Date:- 4th October 2010
Location; Located at the big round about on the Northern By Pass, at Naalya.
Hares; Fancy Pants assisted by Queenie.
The Run;
I found this already underway, and was chasing most of the way, in short, the run was quiet lovely, not too short not too long, and probably a total combined 5 KM for the entire run. There was a timely beer stop at the second check point. T-shirts were available I think for the first 100 people who turned up, red T-shirts that too were well designed.
Circle, we had a speech from Rachael of Computer Point, one of the sponsors of the run, probably the sponsor of the run,
The Next run is to take place at Nook club along George Street in Kampala, opposite former TLC Club
We had a few newcomers including Terry Hatcher form Nairobery, at which it is customly to watch your pockets when you hear someone, is from Nairobery.
Big Sam was also there as a returnee, so was Antelope, and of course as you all know, when a GM gets a Down down, all GMs including in Hash Mattresses deserve the Down down.
Announcements for the independence run were made by Dirty Dick; there will be two runs, one on Friday, and another one on Saturday.
Other New comers included Meier and Josoyn, who have hashed before somewhere,
Among the sinners we had that day included Big Balls , Chadwick and Katanga Bbi, Galloping Major, Buffalo Dung and Septic tonku, Kazi loo and FatBoy were nominated for chatter box, I think Fatoy won.
Pisser made an announcement ha one of our very own GMs would be celebrating a birthday any time, so we song to him Bean Counter our happy Bash day song.
Hackenbush nominated Federo for having made an entry into Wikipedia, at which he asked, what is Wikipedia?!, Solar erection was nominated by Porn Master for saying that she always loves a fcku, or is it cfuk every Friday. Of course you guess right, Solar Erection won this one. And that my friend was that,
I have to compliment the hare on having organized a lovely Chicken Muchomo Dinner, quite memorable., on On to ishaka.
PHOTOS COMING SOON
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Hash Trash
To: philip@brierley.org; william.kosar@gmail.com; jimbusulwa@yahoo.com; simonpbugg@yahoo.com; S'raith Mbarute
Sent: Tue, October 5, 2010 11:55:06 AM
Subject: Gisenyi hash event by Kigali
Dear hashers,
Kigali Hash House Harries, is happy to invited you for big event in Gisenyi (north of rwanda )
The event will be held on lake Kivu beach, surrounded by green 100hills for which will enjoy a run after cold beers.
More details will reach very soon (at least 1month a head) so that you could prepare you self, but the plan is it arrival on Friday 12th Nov at Gisenyi and run 13th Nov, as this place is closed to Congo boarder we still looking a visit in Goma town (if we get facility on logistic).
For quick communication please call me on +250 788455362 or email: mb_sourai2@yahoo.fr
Cheers
ON ON
Crazy Horse
JOKE
Two fishermen were adrift in their rented boat due to an engine failure. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.
One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat!"
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On On
Katanga Bbi.
Run 1401 - Lugogo Tennis Club
JOKE
There's a big conference of beer producers. At the end of the day, the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.
The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of "Nile Breweries' orders a Nile Gold, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on. Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke!
"Why don't you order a Guinness?" his colleagues ask.
"Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, then neither will I."
WARNING TO MEN:
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Police warn all clubbers, partygoers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.
The drug is usually found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans from taps and in large "kegs". "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.>
Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.
Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sex with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer" men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship". It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage". Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory woman administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
View from the first check point. When you are doing a live hare run, make sure that you drop in a few check points more to give yourself enough time to recover. The plan is to make them climb that Hill in the backgroun, from the lowest point (the valley stream) to the highest point the peak of hte hill, non-=satop no break no check points, so tht you know how it feels to live in the endlessly hilly sections of Kisoro.
Run 1401 – Lugogo Tennis Club
Location; Less than 2 km along the Kampala – Jinja Road, branch off at former Lugogo By Pass, first turn off to your right.
Hares; Katanga Bbi assisted by Dirty Dick
The Run;
The run was set by yours truly, so it had to be a little bit ‘special’. Anyway, my pals was to take them (w****s and wankerettes) to the top of the Naguru hill as it was seemingly a big challenge to start the climb of that hill from the very bottom, at a stream to t the very top at that semi finished house.
By the way, the story or Lugambo or wolokoso that I heard about this magnificent but unfinished house on top of this hill is that It belonged to a top Ugandan Sports Administrator and Business man, who went ahead and constructed it on land that belonged to the Communication Commission or something, anyway, mid way through the construction, he was asked to relocate. A prominent Hasher on the KH3 told me than he once visited the premises and the breeze that you get there is totally over whelming, as there is a breeze that comes in direct from the lake. Anyway, that aside, I t was my desire to have the trail reach this point, on top of the hill, and probably organize a beer stop or something up there. The beer stop did not happen, but the check point on top of the hill did happen. The problem with the whole concept was to get them back to the Tennis club, probably the journey up there is an even 3 K flat then 1.5 K climb then the return should be about 5 KM downhill mostly.
We had a slight problem with the return as I gets dark a little a little bit earlier these days, towards the end of the year, the sky begins to darken at like 6:45, and by 5 minutes to seven it’s already dark. In the haste to get back at a slightly respectable time, we run nonstop for the last like 5 K back to the hash venue.
The usual complainer were there with the same usual crap “Katanga, sincerely that was too much, I came back at 7:30 pm, and that sort of thing. Other Hashers returned at some time to eight pm. Blah blah blah . . . Next time, lets seer you setting your very own cute, just perfect run. . . . Which probably no body will recall after they have been through with it.
Anyway, there was one or two incidents that I think that I should write about. During the marking of the trail, sometime between 3:20pm and 4:16pm, a thunderstorm ripped across the clear blue skies of the area where we were marking and along with it came the total wash out of all the marks that we had set. In my six year s a hasher, this is the first time this scenario has happened to me. During the time that the rains were pouring, we (me and Dirty dick) sought refuge at the verandah of some almost complete residential complex in Naguru Hill; the Askari (Read Security Guard) on the premises allowed us to stand under the verandah till the rains subsided.
The view from the second check point on top of Naguru Hill. After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.” Nelson Mandela
It was an opportune moment and one in which I revealed to Dirty Dick the particular problem that I had, I told him, that I might need the intervention of prayers and counseling or both as I was facing a unique and unusual problem. I told him that what is bothering me is that sometimes, I lie awake for hours, half of the night thinking of Hash routes, Hash trails, most convenient places to put check points , has venues, etc. I told him that for the most part, these thought seem to start from the tennis club at Luggage and go to which ever direction, I lie there thinking about the route that crosses the main road and goes to the Buglolobi side, the route that climbs up and end us way past Kololo Airstrip, etc. I told him that you know what man; I think I am having a hash addiction problem and I might be in need of counseling services!! He listened to all his quietly and silently and then responded thus“ Katanga Bbi, I think you deserve a cold beer”, and then maybe later a Prayer or something. Anyway, after the rains had stopped, we went back just a little to do what they call damage assessment. To assess how much damage the rains had made to our marks.
Answer. Total!! The rains had totally washed away all the marks that we had spent the last 1 and a half hours carefully setting. The numerous beautifully timed Hooks, check backs false trails that we had so carefully installed on the run were now flowing freeing inside the famous Nakivubo channel with no Hasher to see them, and proceeding to Lake Victoria where they would most probably end up in the land of the pharaohs or something. As we mused about all this, we realized that returning to reset the run as an impossibility, so we should just continue with setting the run, an ensure that they all reach this point where we could now do a normal run so the first section of the run would have to be a Live hare Now, the thing with Live hare, I think you’ve got to be a little bit creative, or very fit or both, as there is no luxury of time.
That part went on well.
The second incident that happened during the run was, well, , there is this residence on the Hill of Naguru, I think the tenants of the place do not have a security guard and do not live anyone at home, so for security, they employ . . . .you guessed right, the most fierce looking , loudest barking dogs that you can ever imagine. Worse still, they have got a fence/perimeter fence that is made of Iron Bars just like those ones that you have seen at Jail houses or prison cells. Anyway, when you are passing this place, the dogs will bark at you like you have committed some kind of unforgivable crime, then they will threaten to come out of their fence, pushing their heads through the bars threatening to come for you. However, the bars are made is such a way, that the dog can poke its head through but the body cannot get through the fence because the bars do not allow this size through.
The first time, I saw this scenario, of the dog pushing through the fence with its head out of the fence, was pretty scary, however, there was a security guard who was passing by the same foot path, and he comforted a very uneasy me by saying, just continue and ignore the dog, it will do nothing. So with those words of comfort, I continued route recceeing. However, the second time round, we this time, we were on the route itself and the dog was pushing through, threatening to break through he fence, I was the Live hare, and way upfront the chasing pack, then the incredible happened. The Dog, the fierce, always barking, always threatening to attack, German Shepherd Dog, pushed through the bars and popped its whole self through the Fence!!!!!. OMG, Oh my, Oh My, There I was, leading the entire hash as the live Hare and facing a Well trained, pissed off German Shepherd with just a kavera full of Chalk!!
I remembered the words of the Askari who had told me to ignore it and did just that, hoping against hope that it would not jump me from behind and tear me to pieces. Later, I asked Junior, Aka Broiler, who was the hasher that was running just ahead the pack of hasher, I asked him, how did you deal with that dog? He told me that he just went down, grabbed a stone, then the dog run back home just like that!!
Sounds too good or too scary to be true, well it just is. If you want to enjoy this thrill yourself, try it one of these days. Just after a seemingly abandoned 40 ft container along Naguru Hills, take the foot path up hill and then wait, a little, you feel the dogs before you even see them. And the sure do bark loud.
The rest of the day went on as usual. See pictures attached.
Photographs courtesy of Nipples and Rip Off.
On On
Katanga Bbi.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
1398 - Kyambogo Cricket Oval
WARNING; KATANGA'S BLOG POSTS ARE FAR TOO LONG FOR MOST PEOPLE'S LIKING - comment from one dear hashette. My response, when you buy The New Vision News NewsPaper on 9th October 2010 (Uganda's Independence Day) and you find that are one hundred and twenty pages of the paper, lots or articles, adverts etc, Congratulatory Messages from allover, are you going to read all pages or all articles. Point is . . . wsith Leisure Reading the longer the better, try reading the one page Novel.
Run 1398 – Kyambogo Cricket Oval
Location: Turn off at Kyambogo Stage, on the road that goes to that place where you renew your Driving Permit, then proceed for the next six hundred meters or so.
Date: - 6th September 2010
Hares;- Big Balls and Loketo
Written by Katanga Bbi
The Run; -Now, every once in a while, on the Kampala hash, you get a signature run, not too short, not too long with check backs in the right places and all, that is when you realize that the hares know what they are doing.
We had ourselves a wonderful run at the cricket oval when two persons who have been setting runs for quite a long time, call them veteran s of the Kampala Hash as they together have accumulated more than 1,000 (That is if they pay)(tongue in cheek).
The run started from the Cricket Oval also that doubles as the track pitch for Kyambogo University. Then from there we went to the road that lead to the university, then the walkers went on, while the rest climbed up what I could call University road, the road that passes right thru the middle of the University, then a turn off, and an extra climb and a long decent for the runners brought us to the base of the hill and then it was a climb from here all the way to the top of the hill and reaching the first check point just below a Palatial Residence of His Royal highness The King of Buganda, Kabaka Ronald Mwenda Mutebi II.
Then from the first check point, probably there was a song or something, we went towards Pesticides’ Residence, then a little bit downhill with a small check back for the runners then, a lovely loop brought us to a steep climb which was led by the indefatigable Muchira, then we brought downwards a little bit then a long loop about a kilometer for so long brought us to the second check point nets to Boda Boda Riders Stage deep there in Kyambogo. We had another song from there, led by Dayo, I think it was one of those move your hand left, right then leg songs.
Then we had a loop from the second check point for the runners while the Hashers went straight on, of course ignoring many of the Hook ten that were strategically placed along the trail by the veteran hashers. Then it was a bit uphill running and flat sections spread through the Kyambogo outskirts that brought us to the third and final check point, which also doubled as a BEER STOP!!
At that Beer Stop, there was an ice cold crate of Beer waiting for those with thirsty throats, a pity to those , many hashers who are reluctantly avoiding the sweet nectar more and more these days, especially during the run. They used to be good at tit but of late have been avoiding the brew more and more often, I think they a preparing themselves for the marathon or something, I wish them luck. Go for the 5 M, why not. The names will be coming to you recently, but just watch this space. The Beer stop had an assortment of free beers al courtesy of the Hares Big Balls and Loketo. Moonbergs, Clubs, Nile etc where there in plenty.
From the third check point, it was just a five to eight minute run back to the Hash venue, so we took our time and finished al the beer before going straight back in zig zag fashion of course. The final straight of the run involved running a long straight gently sloping several hundred meters and then finally branching off through a wonderfully designed Eucalyptus forested area then on in thru the field to the Hash venue.
The circle.
The circle started round about 7:30 pm with the introduction of the hares and the ugly faces/new comers.
• There was Buwembo who came in courtesy of the Kisementi Team, actually he claimed that the had been invited by Munobe Robert. There having been no other New Comer for Returnee, it was a opportunity thrown wide open for all Team Kisemnti Runner to get themselves a down down courtesy of the Kampala Hash.
Sinners were showered bottle of beer because they did not come dressed in the formal Hash attire, the hash T-shirts.
Kamdulu won the chatter box in a tight contest with Big Balls,
Announcement about the Africa Hash 2010
Just for laughs!!
Just read to the end!..and fill in any Ugandan names you can think of ...for the Naija ones
Once upon a time, when Baba (Obasanjo) was in office as the president, he got an invitation from the Queen to come for a visit to England . After all the banquets and carriage rides and what not, Baba finally got the quiet moment he had craved all day in order to have a one on one chat with her majesty. After the usual small talk, Baba quickly popped the question. He asked her what the secret to her success was. You know Nigerians, we think everything is a secret…the President’s health status is a secret, his whereabouts is a secret, reports of the various panels of enquiry set up by govt to investigate the causes of different crises around the country are kept secret, we even have secret registries in every government agency in d country. Maybe we are a secretive people, we love secrets.
Anyway, back to our story. So Baba asked for the SECRET to the Queens ’s success and she told him that she relies on her people a lot and therefore she makes certain that only the intelligent get to positions of authority.
She decided to show him exactly what she meant and so she phoned Tony Blair. "Now listen carefully, Mr. Obasanjo. I'm going to ask Mr. Blair a question to determine his intelligence.”
Queen: "Hello Mr. Blair, I have a question for you: your mother has a child, and your father has a child. This child is not your brother and is not your sister. Who is he?"
Tony Blair replied instantly, "It's ME Your Majesty!"
Queen: "Correct! Thank you and goodbye"
"You see Mr. Obasanjo?" said the Queen.
"Yes”, he replied “and thanks a lot, I'll definitely be using that!"
Once back in Nigeria , he decided that he had doubts about Mantu’s level of intelligence and he decided to test him. He arranged a meeting with him and asked him:
"Mantu, I have a question for you; your mother and father have a child. The child is not your brother and is not your sister, who is he?."
Mantu thinks...... and thinks………and thinks, and finally says, "Em, Mr. President, you must give me more time to think about it."
And Mr. Obasanjo gave him 2 weeks to come up with an answer. That afternoon, Mantu called a meeting of all his aides, advisers and assistants to discuss the question, but NOBODY knew the answer. So he decided to take it to the floor of the Senate. After a heated debate the Senate President thought it wise to clear out the gallery and go into a closed session as he believed the revelations that might result could be damaging to the family and reputation of the distinguished Senator Mantu.
After about two hours of deliberations, the house decided to set up an ad hoc committee to look into the matter and report back to it in ten days. The committee was given the following terms of reference:
1. To come up with a complete family tree of the entire Mantu clan
2. To pay a courtesy call to the traditional ruler of Mantu’s village and the State Governor
3. To interview all living relatives of Senator Mantu
4. To determine if Sen. Mantu’s dad had any extramarital affairs
5. To determine the DNA composition of Sen. Mantu (in Germany of course or Saudi)
On completion of its assignment, the committee was to submit its report to the Senate which would then pass it on to the Senate committee on special duties. This committee would then review the report of the ad hoc committee and come up with a draft “white paper” (whatever that means). This draft “white paper” would then be brought back to the Senate and on approval would be passed on to the President through Senator Mantu.
The Ad-hoc committee then submitted its budget which, of course, was kept SECRET, but included funds for;
a) The immediate purchase of Land Cruiser jeeps for each of the 12 members of the committee. The jeeps would be used to travel to Mantu’s village because, as you know, Nigerian roads are bad and Mantu’s village is remote.
b) Air tickets (first class of course) and hotel accommodation in Jos for committee members and their numerous aides. They’d stay at the Hill-station hotel and drive to Mantu’s village in the morning.
c) Air tickets (again first class) to Germany and back, and hotel accommodation (five star) for everybody.
d) Estacodes and hazard allowances
e) Logistics
f) Miscellaneous
Pesticide Admiring One of the Achievers Mugs, I think her he was receiving his 200th or Mug or something.
Even though the budget was kept secret, you can easily come up with the figure by taking the actual estimate of the above list and multiply by ten. You’ll only run into problems when you get to the final two items (logistics & miscellaneous) , as these are usually added to cover for all the people that need to be “settled” in order to ensure that everything goes smoothly. Therefore the figures have the tendency of varying widely and so it can’t really be predicted.
Anyway, the money was released and the committee started its assignment in earnest. They finished within the time frame that was stipulated in their terms of reference and they prepared a voluminous report which was to be presented at the senate at plenary. But on the d-day when the chairman of the committee was about to make the presentation, a distinguished senator from the Southern part of the country raised a “point of order”. He argued that the committee was illegal because its composition was lopsided in favor of a certain region in the country. He pointed out that of the 12 members; seven were from the North and only five from the South. Not to be outdone, another senator, this time from the North, raised a “point of order” on the “point of order” that was raised by the senator from the South. He argued that since the committee’s assignment was primarily to investigate the lineage of Senator Mantu (who was from the North), they needed
senators who knew the terrain, who understood the culture of the people and their language.
More points of order followed and after a while the Senate President decided to put a stop to it by subjecting it to a voice vote.
And thus he announced, “All those in favor of the committee being considered legal and thus go ahead to present its report say “AYE””. And the house responded accordingly.
And then he asked again, “All those not in favor of the committee being considered legal and thus should not go ahead to present its report say “NAY””. And the house responded accordingly.
Unfortunately for Mantu, the “NAYs had it” and thus the report was never presented. Now Mantu had a really big problem, because the President was waiting for an answer and he had run out of time. So in one last effort, he decided to phone his very good friend Jerry Rawlings who had always sounded intelligent to Mantu and thus might have the answer to this really difficult question.
"Jerry, your mother and father have a child. The child is not your brother and is not your sister, who is he?."
Jerry answered immediately. "Hey, Mantu, It's me of course, you dumb Nigerian!"
Mantu couldn’t believe his luck and so he rushed to Aso Rock Villa, his motorcade of five cars moving at top speed with sirens blaring. Ordinary Nigerians going about their normal businesses scampered out of the way. When they finally arrived their destination, Mantu literarily ran all the way to the President's office.
"Mr. President, Mr. President”, he called out, breathing heavily. “I know who he is.”
Obasanjo: “Good, so tell me”
Mantu: “It’s Jerry Rawlings Sir! In fact, when he revealed the SECRET to me, I started to see the resemblance between us"
Obasanjo: "Jerry Rawlings ko, Jerry Gana ni. You are such a stupid senator. Olodo rakpata! I'll make sure you don’t return to office after this term. Stupid man, the correct answer is TONY BLAIR!"
We had an impromptu Hash shit for one of the Kisementi people, Micheal Mpulumba was lucky enough to get the not so strange sounding ‘Wolokoso” as his hash handle which might means lots of chattering or something. Apparently, it’s one of those words which you know but cannot really explain in English.
Awardees;
There were some Achievers who managed to get a selection of Mug to comerate their Achievements. Unfortunately, the ka paper which they gave me to include in the blog got misplaced. That’s what they call it mismanagement. But see pictures attached for a wardees
Some of the Lucky few who got their Mugs for so having clocked a given number of runs. Bean Countered right there like third or fourth has reached the 700 Run Mile stone. On On
Hashit
The nominee for the award were Ball Scratcher and Diggy Ass, Diggy Ass won it hands down. Diggy Ass won it together with the new shoes that she had on her, which she baptized like a true hasher.
We had the hash flash available on this day and he took some pictures so here we go those were the pictures from the last run courtesy of Rip off the Hash flash.
On On
Katanga Bbi
Run 1398 – Kyambogo Cricket Oval
Location: Turn off at Kyambogo Stage, on the road that goes to that place where you renew your Driving Permit, then proceed for the next six hundred meters or so.
Date: - 6th September 2010
Hares;- Big Balls and Loketo
Written by Katanga Bbi
Eh, My hair Banage!!,Diggy Ass the New Shoes of the Day and eventual hashit seems to be saying as Buffalo Dung, Hash Master Party Boy and Queenie prepare to do her the honours.
The Run; -Now, every once in a while, on the Kampala hash, you get a signature run, not too short, not too long with check backs in the right places and all, that is when you realize that the hares know what they are doing.
We had ourselves a wonderful run at the cricket oval when two persons who have been setting runs for quite a long time, call them veteran s of the Kampala Hash as they together have accumulated more than 1,000 (That is if they pay)(tongue in cheek).
The run started from the Cricket Oval also that doubles as the track pitch for Kyambogo University. Then from there we went to the road that lead to the university, then the walkers went on, while the rest climbed up what I could call University road, the road that passes right thru the middle of the University, then a turn off, and an extra climb and a long decent for the runners brought us to the base of the hill and then it was a climb from here all the way to the top of the hill and reaching the first check point just below a Palatial Residence of His Royal highness The King of Buganda, Kabaka Ronald Mwenda Mutebi II.
Then from the first check point, probably there was a song or something, we went towards Pesticides’ Residence, then a little bit downhill with a small check back for the runners then, a lovely loop brought us to a steep climb which was led by the indefatigable Muchira, then we brought downwards a little bit then a long loop about a kilometer for so long brought us to the second check point nets to Boda Boda Riders Stage deep there in Kyambogo. We had another song from there, led by Dayo, I think it was one of those move your hand left, right then leg songs.
Then we had a loop from the second check point for the runners while the Hashers went straight on, of course ignoring many of the Hook ten that were strategically placed along the trail by the veteran hashers. Then it was a bit uphill running and flat sections spread through the Kyambogo outskirts that brought us to the third and final check point, which also doubled as a BEER STOP!!
At that Beer Stop, there was an ice cold crate of Beer waiting for those with thirsty throats, a pity to those , many hashers who are reluctantly avoiding the sweet nectar more and more these days, especially during the run. They used to be good at tit but of late have been avoiding the brew more and more often, I think they a preparing themselves for the marathon or something, I wish them luck. Go for the 5 M, why not. The names will be coming to you recently, but just watch this space. The Beer stop had an assortment of free beers al courtesy of the Hares Big Balls and Loketo. Moonbergs, Clubs, Nile etc where there in plenty.
From the third check point, it was just a five to eight minute run back to the Hash venue, so we took our time and finished al the beer before going straight back in zig zag fashion of course. The final straight of the run involved running a long straight gently sloping several hundred meters and then finally branching off through a wonderfully designed Eucalyptus forested area then on in thru the field to the Hash venue.
The circle.
The circle started round about 7:30 pm with the introduction of the hares and the ugly faces/new comers.
• There was Buwembo who came in courtesy of the Kisementi Team, actually he claimed that the had been invited by Munobe Robert. There having been no other New Comer for Returnee, it was a opportunity thrown wide open for all Team Kisemnti Runner to get themselves a down down courtesy of the Kampala Hash.
Sinners were showered bottle of beer because they did not come dressed in the formal Hash attire, the hash T-shirts.
Kamdulu won the chatter box in a tight contest with Big Balls,
Announcement about the Africa Hash 2010
Just for laughs!!
Just read to the end!..and fill in any Ugandan names you can think of ...for the Naija ones
Once upon a time, when Baba (Obasanjo) was in office as the president, he got an invitation from the Queen to come for a visit to England . After all the banquets and carriage rides and what not, Baba finally got the quiet moment he had craved all day in order to have a one on one chat with her majesty. After the usual small talk, Baba quickly popped the question. He asked her what the secret to her success was. You know Nigerians, we think everything is a secret…the President’s health status is a secret, his whereabouts is a secret, reports of the various panels of enquiry set up by govt to investigate the causes of different crises around the country are kept secret, we even have secret registries in every government agency in d country. Maybe we are a secretive people, we love secrets.
Anyway, back to our story. So Baba asked for the SECRET to the Queens ’s success and she told him that she relies on her people a lot and therefore she makes certain that only the intelligent get to positions of authority.
She decided to show him exactly what she meant and so she phoned Tony Blair. "Now listen carefully, Mr. Obasanjo. I'm going to ask Mr. Blair a question to determine his intelligence.”
Queen: "Hello Mr. Blair, I have a question for you: your mother has a child, and your father has a child. This child is not your brother and is not your sister. Who is he?"
Tony Blair replied instantly, "It's ME Your Majesty!"
Queen: "Correct! Thank you and goodbye"
"You see Mr. Obasanjo?" said the Queen.
"Yes”, he replied “and thanks a lot, I'll definitely be using that!"
Once back in Nigeria , he decided that he had doubts about Mantu’s level of intelligence and he decided to test him. He arranged a meeting with him and asked him:
"Mantu, I have a question for you; your mother and father have a child. The child is not your brother and is not your sister, who is he?."
Mantu thinks...... and thinks………and thinks, and finally says, "Em, Mr. President, you must give me more time to think about it."
And Mr. Obasanjo gave him 2 weeks to come up with an answer. That afternoon, Mantu called a meeting of all his aides, advisers and assistants to discuss the question, but NOBODY knew the answer. So he decided to take it to the floor of the Senate. After a heated debate the Senate President thought it wise to clear out the gallery and go into a closed session as he believed the revelations that might result could be damaging to the family and reputation of the distinguished Senator Mantu.
After about two hours of deliberations, the house decided to set up an ad hoc committee to look into the matter and report back to it in ten days. The committee was given the following terms of reference:
1. To come up with a complete family tree of the entire Mantu clan
2. To pay a courtesy call to the traditional ruler of Mantu’s village and the State Governor
3. To interview all living relatives of Senator Mantu
4. To determine if Sen. Mantu’s dad had any extramarital affairs
5. To determine the DNA composition of Sen. Mantu (in Germany of course or Saudi)
On completion of its assignment, the committee was to submit its report to the Senate which would then pass it on to the Senate committee on special duties. This committee would then review the report of the ad hoc committee and come up with a draft “white paper” (whatever that means). This draft “white paper” would then be brought back to the Senate and on approval would be passed on to the President through Senator Mantu.
The Ad-hoc committee then submitted its budget which, of course, was kept SECRET, but included funds for;
a) The immediate purchase of Land Cruiser jeeps for each of the 12 members of the committee. The jeeps would be used to travel to Mantu’s village because, as you know, Nigerian roads are bad and Mantu’s village is remote.
b) Air tickets (first class of course) and hotel accommodation in Jos for committee members and their numerous aides. They’d stay at the Hill-station hotel and drive to Mantu’s village in the morning.
c) Air tickets (again first class) to Germany and back, and hotel accommodation (five star) for everybody.
d) Estacodes and hazard allowances
e) Logistics
f) Miscellaneous
Pesticide Admiring One of the Achievers Mugs, I think her he was receiving his 200th or Mug or something.
Even though the budget was kept secret, you can easily come up with the figure by taking the actual estimate of the above list and multiply by ten. You’ll only run into problems when you get to the final two items (logistics & miscellaneous) , as these are usually added to cover for all the people that need to be “settled” in order to ensure that everything goes smoothly. Therefore the figures have the tendency of varying widely and so it can’t really be predicted.
Anyway, the money was released and the committee started its assignment in earnest. They finished within the time frame that was stipulated in their terms of reference and they prepared a voluminous report which was to be presented at the senate at plenary. But on the d-day when the chairman of the committee was about to make the presentation, a distinguished senator from the Southern part of the country raised a “point of order”. He argued that the committee was illegal because its composition was lopsided in favor of a certain region in the country. He pointed out that of the 12 members; seven were from the North and only five from the South. Not to be outdone, another senator, this time from the North, raised a “point of order” on the “point of order” that was raised by the senator from the South. He argued that since the committee’s assignment was primarily to investigate the lineage of Senator Mantu (who was from the North), they needed
senators who knew the terrain, who understood the culture of the people and their language.
More points of order followed and after a while the Senate President decided to put a stop to it by subjecting it to a voice vote.
And thus he announced, “All those in favor of the committee being considered legal and thus go ahead to present its report say “AYE””. And the house responded accordingly.
And then he asked again, “All those not in favor of the committee being considered legal and thus should not go ahead to present its report say “NAY””. And the house responded accordingly.
Unfortunately for Mantu, the “NAYs had it” and thus the report was never presented. Now Mantu had a really big problem, because the President was waiting for an answer and he had run out of time. So in one last effort, he decided to phone his very good friend Jerry Rawlings who had always sounded intelligent to Mantu and thus might have the answer to this really difficult question.
"Jerry, your mother and father have a child. The child is not your brother and is not your sister, who is he?."
Jerry answered immediately. "Hey, Mantu, It's me of course, you dumb Nigerian!"
Mantu couldn’t believe his luck and so he rushed to Aso Rock Villa, his motorcade of five cars moving at top speed with sirens blaring. Ordinary Nigerians going about their normal businesses scampered out of the way. When they finally arrived their destination, Mantu literarily ran all the way to the President's office.
"Mr. President, Mr. President”, he called out, breathing heavily. “I know who he is.”
Obasanjo: “Good, so tell me”
Mantu: “It’s Jerry Rawlings Sir! In fact, when he revealed the SECRET to me, I started to see the resemblance between us"
Obasanjo: "Jerry Rawlings ko, Jerry Gana ni. You are such a stupid senator. Olodo rakpata! I'll make sure you don’t return to office after this term. Stupid man, the correct answer is TONY BLAIR!"
We had an impromptu Hash shit for one of the Kisementi people, Micheal Mpulumba was lucky enough to get the not so strange sounding ‘Wolokoso” as his hash handle which might means lots of chattering or something. Apparently, it’s one of those words which you know but cannot really explain in English.
Awardees;
There were some Achievers who managed to get a selection of Mug to comerate their Achievements. Unfortunately, the ka paper which they gave me to include in the blog got misplaced. That’s what they call it mismanagement. But see pictures attached for a wardees
Some of the Lucky few who got their Mugs for so having clocked a given number of runs. Bean Countered right there like third or fourth has reached the 700 Run Mile stone. On On
Hashit
The nominee for the award were Ball Scratcher and Diggy Ass, Diggy Ass won it hands down. Diggy Ass won it together with the new shoes that she had on her, which she baptized like a true hasher.
We had the hash flash available on this day and he took some pictures so here we go those were the pictures from the last run courtesy of Rip off the Hash flash.
On On
Katanga Bbi
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Run 1397 - Sewalu Suites, Zzana Town
Run 1397 – Sewalu Suites, Zzana,
Location; Along the Kampala – Entebbe Road, branch off at Zzana roundabout, climb for about half a K, along Nfuufu road.
Hares; Tom Walusimbi assisted by Muddy Blow job and Pesticide.
The Run;
The Approach to the first check point
From the Sewalu suites, we went up hill to the toppest level of the hill, a few check back and an occasional loop here and there, got us to the first check Point. Wonderful views of the city centre and other surrounding area.
Grand Master Hillary enjoys the view with other mere mortals on top of Check point 1
Then more of the hill until it got to a point where you could only walk, no running, no over taking till the top o the hill, then a hook 10 controlled all Front running Bastards. Then down wards till the second check point mid way the hill.
That Must be Perry Mason eaching the first check point
Then there was a loop for the runners a major and most enjoyable lop that squared up all for the rest of the hashers, and a final On In that took us back hoe to the Hash venue. Many said it was a short run, but we are yet to tell. Probably about 6 Kilometers,
The circle.
The Circle was conducted by the hash master Party Boy and a couple of new comers and returnees otherwise known as ugly face were in attendance,
• Assimwe Bosco and Alex M, A trio from Orange County California HHH called Four Whore, Lady Finger and Brown Finger. They later sang to us a song from the Orange County hash, as we sang to them why they were born so beautiful. We had Namirembe from Rubaga who was made to come by Al’s Bar or someone with a similar name.
That must be Darlyne and others stretching at the after run stretches at Sewalu suites.
Sinners; Al’s Bar for coming very late when the run had already started, Goofy for looking for a market to sale our hash equipment. Apparently someone had seen Goofy moving along Market street in Kampala City with our Hashit Equipment going shop by shop asking the attendants how much they would be willing to pay for the equipment.
Wide Load for not running with the Chatter box stuff that she received last time round (at the Saturday run)
Pesticide and Tom Walusimbi, who is apparently the proprietor of the joint for holding an impromptu circle, Alexis actually, getter Wanker for doing some stunt at the circle, didn’t get the details of this.
Machinery and Nyansio for complaining that the run was too short.
Chatterboxes: Again Pesticide and Tom Sewalu were nabbed by the watchful goon squad chattering the evening away, Kilavu lavu, Nipples, Slippery when wet and Porn master who were involved in a three some were also part of the crew that was nominated as candidates for hash shit. Septic Tonku, was nominated for chatter because . . . she had never at any one time said anything wrong or done anything wrong at the circle, that made her a candidate for the award, which she won hands down.
Hashshit; - Itching Thighs, Man U who apparently is not called Man U but her hash handle is Nothing, Just that word . . . Nothing. Buffalo Dung was the third nominee for Hash it, mostly because he was nabbed preparing the down downs without proper hash gear, a hash T-shirt. He won the Hashit.
Announcement, the Location of the Next Run is to be announced because the prospective Hare Saddam did not show up.
Photos by yours truelly Nipples seen here smilling for the camera at KH3 run 1397, Sewalu Suites
On On
Katanga Bbi.
Run 1396 - Joggies Recreational Centre
Porn Master, Itching Thighs at the First Check point on Nakabugo Hill, Bulaga TC
Run 1396 – Joggies Recreational Centre, Bugala Trading Centre – Mityana Road
Location; Located along the Kampala Mityana highway, 14 Kilometres from the City Centre. (The town is popularly known as ‘Kumwenda’ or at the nine mile mark)
Date; Saturday 28th August 2010
Hares;
Pope Threader, assisted by Kilavu love, Dirty dick and Katanga BBI
The Run;
Just before the run started, it looked like it might rain cats and dogs, for the 58 or so Hashers and newbies who braved the Saturday conditions to show up. The run started from Joggies, then up the hill to the main road then down a few hundred meters to the Bugala Trading Centre call it town, and then there was a diversion to start a climb of a long gently climbing hill. At one point during the climb there were the usual check backs and a very loooong false trail for the runners to keep them in check. Then the climb going on all the way to the top of a hill that overlooks Joggies recreational centre where we had the first check point.
After the first check point, it was downhill from then on to the back of the big hill overlooking Bugala Trading center, apparently someone told me that the Hill is called Nakabugo. So behind Nakabugo we ran with a few check backs here and there, then another very long check back and a hill climb to the second check point. At the second check point, we had a beer stop for the famous EFE lager; By the way, the hare went an extra mile and got us a Mobile Police Protection Unit (MPPU) Police man who provided escort service for us throughout the run. (With this Cop accompanying us, it felt like being one of the Obamas jogging alongside the Secret Service people). Anyway, the MPPU guy started the run with us all and went all the way to the finish, being extra cautious to ensure that those who were left behind did not get lost and that sort of thing. At the second check point, he did not even allow himself the luxury of grabbing an ice cold EFE lager because he was busy protecting the hashers.
Check Point two and beer stop at Jogies run, Porn Manster, Allison and Terry's P***y 9he hates the second name, you'd rather call him Terry's P
By the way, the hare brought along one set of his two sets of twins, identical twins at that they too went through the run at terrific speeds at first, then the speed started slowing down until the second check point when they were completely exhausted and had to grab a boda boda to return them home.
From there on, it was a 3 KM on in for the runners while it was about 2 KM return to Joggies for the hashers and the Walkers.
Overall it would have been an 8-10 KM run, we are still waiting for nipples to get herself a watch that has got all those GPS gadgets so that we can get you more accurate distances, after here was pick pocketed at Munyonyo.
bean Counter leading hte rest of the crew on the stretching exercise
The circle.
The Circle was conducted by the hash master Party Boy and a couple of Ugly faces were in attendance, Laura and Vicky from Manchester in England, who were made to come by Allison and Laura, of course Laura is appearing twice because she brought some one or she was the new comer or . . . both of the three. There was Lex from Zimbabwe who was made to come by Nipples from Silicon Valley, there was Brenda Meeme who was made to come by ‘that one’ (that’s what she told me anyway), there was Jolly from Kasanaga who was made to come by Henry, There was Wet Spot from the Riviera Hash House Harriers, located somewhere in southern France, (Remember the Riviera Series, that is where this fellow comes from, Hope he was not Diego or something), Slippery Dick brought some one to the Hash, don’t remember who, then of course the Twins of Pope threader, kato and Wasswa were brought to the Hash by their . . . Mum of course.
Then we had a song from Wet Spot, he sang to us a famous song from the WHITE HOUSE HASH HOUSE HARRIERES Yeah, it’s true, the white house, does have its own hash, so the next time you are in Washington, just pass by the white House on Mondays and go there an Hash with them folks.
Sinners; Pope Threader, Laura and Allison for speaking on a vibrating machine during the circle.
Wide Load getting the nominatino for Chatter Box.
Machinery and Nyansio for complaining that the run was too short
Chatterboxes;- Nominees where Wide Load, mama Bilahuni, Jacomo who was standing in for mercenary (mercenary, I wonder whether that is a real hash handle, sounds too good to be true, I will ask Queenie about that), Wide Load won the hash shit, and refused to drink our sweet beers.
We had some one pour it over her head as is usual at the hash.
Hashshit;- Goofy was nominated for Hashit because he appeared with a complete fashion statement, but he was nowhere to be seen when the time came to look for him, so some unfortunate wan***r found himself the unlucky recipient of this hour. By the way, Goofy did tell me of a very interesting story, escapade if you asked me, that he was involved in not so long ago, it led to the loss of one of his body parts, ask him, he will show you of tell you.
Katanga Bbi.
Photos courtesy of Nipples.
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