Run 1395 - Po po po

Run 1395 – Po po po
Location: Pope John Paul II Memorial Centre, Nalukolongo
Date: - 23th August 2010
Written by Katanga Bbi

“Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.”
George Bernard Shaw quotes (Irish literary Critic, Playwright and Essayist. 1925 Nobel Prize for Literature, 1856-1950)

(Photos Courtesy of Nipples)


A Mukiga Man in a Kabale Take away, for he firs time.
There is a lady that owns one of the most popular African Buffet Locations in Kampala, at Uganda Manufacturers Association Show Grounds at Lugogo. They’ve got a wide range of traditional African dishes, try them, it might be worth it. Anyway, I while ago, I was at this place and I heard this hilarious story of a Mukiga man and his first time in a “Take Away”.
A Take away is otherwise known as a fast food outlet and for obvious reasons; they have bee gaining popularity all over the country since their introduction in the nineties. Anyway, Deep in the Hilly highlands of the Kabale Hills, the Lugogo UMA show grounds lady, opened the very first Take Away in Kabale town. So, a few weeks later, a Mukiga man is passing by the Take Away, and attracted by the pleasant aromas he enters in side and asks for the menu. Upon being presented with menu, he goes straight to the chicken chips dish and waits a little as the meal is being prepared and ten minutes later, he is served his chicken and chips. Now, as he sat there at this table, waiting for his order, the notices the various decoration on his table that include various “reddish” bottles, match sticks that were turned upside down(probably tooth picks), Anyway, the assortment seemed more like decoration s to the fellow as he waited got this order,. When his order finally arrived, he downed it all and as he was chewing on the last bone of the chicken, a couple walked in sat at the table next to his, and ordered the same meal, chicken and chips. By the time their meal had arrived, the Mukiga Man had completed his meal, when he notices something very unusual, the couple next table had opened the red bottles and were lavishly apply the tomato sauce aka ketch up to the meal and a few drops of chili sauce, and mayonnaise. Now, the waitress who had brought the food for the next table guests had by this time reached the Mukiga man’s table and picked his plate and was walking away. The gentleman was bewildered! He kept on asking himself, eh, ha, I have missed!! Were those supposed things in the bottles supposed to be part of the meal too?? Should I order for another plate in order to taste them? How do they taste like? Etc. Why has the waitress taken away my plate?
I hear, the Mukiga man, calmly opened the top of the ketch up bottle, tasted the tomato sauce, and then down downed the entire bottle of the Tomato sauce. By this time the next table couple was in a state of shock. Then he said, eh, “a ka ni kanura munonga” (This one is very delicious), no sooner had he completed the first one then ne opened the chilly sauce a big gulp of ht contents and responded Oh o h oh oh, eh , aka ka nikashariria mununga (how come this one is so bitter), he rushed out to grab some water.
True, okay mostly true story.

Hares; The hares were Measles, Witch doctor and Nyansio.

The Run; - The run being set by FRBs who have got very little idea of how one Kilometer in longer for a none FRB took us around the Kabaka’s lake (otherwise know as Nyanja ya Kabaka in Lubaga) from the hash venue. From there, we crossed the road, amid significant cheers, applause, curses, hand claps etc from the people along the road. Then we crossed a heavily populated are somewhere in Ndeeba Kabowa and started a gentle uphill climb for about one Kilometer to the first check point. There were lots of sign posts which read the famous words Kabowa, so I guess we were in Kabowa or something. At the first check point, we had a song called Mama Milka led by Sad Term.



Sad Term Lead the song Mama Milka a the First Check Point

The Walkers were not spared this hill either, there after it was another 2.5 K run to the second check point, with the first k more of the same uphill climb. During the run to the second check point, we encountered a group of very very dark youths, very tall youths who had virtually blocked the road, you could not pass anywhere in this forest of people. It is something that you should only have been there to experience it. Maybe next time.
There was a beer stop at the second check point, the hare went an extra mile to get a cooler and some Ice flakes to chill down our beers. See pictures accompanying the blog courtesy of Nipples.


Slippery When wet enjoying one of the beers at the beer stop/ second check point.


CircleThe circle started round about 7:30 pm with the introduction of the hares and the ugly faces/new comers. Man U returning from a baby making spree, Cortilda from Port Bell, Yona Ambrose a Mukiga from the Hills of Kabale, Perhaps he was the one I was referring to, you can never be sure. He was made to come to the Hash by Kachabali. Deborah Namirembe from City Bar. There was something to do with Johnson and Olive; I do not know what exactly it was.

Sinners
Tutu and Dirty Dick for displaying sex on the Hash. Apparently, a ka thing fell into Dirty Dick’s eye, and tutu was seen helping him remove it using a sot piece of grass.
• Matooke San for Pouring beer on a Hahsette
• Abortion and the Kabale boy got into the act here too, probably for chattering.
• New shoes were from Slippery Dick and Mugole and Coming Long too. They all acted like true Hasher and did some down down with their shoes, just like true Hashers.
•
Announcements; Announcements made on that day included the Saturday, run due this weekend – check out website for the details of the run, but the rest will be coming to you via phone or email.
Hash Run no: 1396
There will be a run at Bwindi Forest sometime in September, probably 2nd week. Details to be communicated to you soon.

We had a little song for Blow back who is soon leaving the country . . . Again, just like last time, probably never to return, probably he will return, He told me that he is not sure when, but it was a nice experience being with the Kampala hash. With sang with him one of the many songs that he has taught us during his stay at the KH3 Hash. Good Riddance. See pictures.
Chatter Box.
Kimansulo won this one hands down, she was nominated together with Al’s bar for this award.

Hashit
We gave out a good riddance T-shirt to blowback , it was one of these 50 Runs T-shirts which the hash Master Party Boy, decided was too clean and proceeded to clean it using all sorts of stuff, hash shoes, beers etc.



Blow Back will be leaving us again, good riddance, he's the meanest, works with the moonberg breweries, bum tittie titties bum, and lots of other songs he introduced to the Hash. At the jinja relay 2010.
Hashit Equipment. Please not, For the last three or so Mondays, our famous Hashit equipment has been missing in action. This is to warn anyone who might be holding or intending to use it as construction material for all this “mush rooming construction we are seeing around” – As said by Besigye, they are warned that they must return our equipment as soon as possible. The list of the last 4 or 5 hashits is available.
Candidates for this honor included No Money and Itching thighs. Apparently Itching thighs told Al’s Bar that she will never get Hashit, so Hackenbush whose has been on the lookout for such surely could not let her go just like that. That’s how she ended up being the hashit for the night.



ManU Was one of the returnees on the day.

Next weeks run will be held at Sebalu Suites, somewhere along the Kampala Entebbe Road, turn off is at Zana Round about. Or close to there.

Katanga Bbi

Jokes; Courtesy of Escazu HHH

1.
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: Green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

The old man just stared. The young man said sarcastically, "What’s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."

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A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would move to Italy and secretly have the child. He told her that if she would raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. “Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.

The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted.

She picked up the card that had written on it: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.”

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The only cow in a small town in southern Minnesota stopped giving milk. The farmers did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Minnesota for $200, or one from Iowa for $100. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Iowa. The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it, then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask a local Hasher, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Hasher what was happening, "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side."

The Hasher thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Iowa?"

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise Hasher," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Iowa?”

The Hasher answered sadly, "My wife is from Iowa."

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George W. Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do with you here, " says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room: in it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room: in it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms folded behind his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said . . . . . . . "OK, Monica, you're free to go!"

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Hooligan was up at Barona Casino yesterday and saw the likes of a certain un-named hasher walking up Wildcat Canyon road. Hooligan stopped to give him a lift. He noticed that the hasher was carrying a brown bag and asked "what's in the bag?"

The un-named hasher said, "Oh, it's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife".

Hooligan thought for a second, then said...."Good Trade".
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Tarzan meets Jane:

One day TARZAN met JANE in the jungle.

She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged in sex.

"What's that?" he asked.

She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I just use a hole in the trunk of a tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her beautiful long legs.

"Here," she said, "you must put it in here" pointing to her crotch.

Tarzan removed his loincloth stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch.

Jane rolled around in agony.

Eventually she managed to gasp and exclaimed, "What the hell did you do that for?”
Tarzan meekly replied "Just checking for bees".

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A man with heavy debts walks into a bar and sees a two gallon glass jar full of $10 bills and asks the bartender what that is about.

The bartender says it is a betting jar and anyone can play.

You have to put in $10 and if you can do the three things required you win the money in the jar.

The man then asks what are the three things, but the bartender says you find out after you put in your $10.

So the man figures he can do anything and throws in his $10.

The bartender tells him the three things are:

1. Drink this fifth of rot-gut whiskey from the Pacific Coast of Nicaragua.

2. Give multiple orgasms to a 94 year old lady with Alzheimer's in room 201 upstairs.

3. Yank a rotten tooth from a champion fighting pit bull dog in a cage out back.

The man is reluctant but decides his debts push him to give it a go.

First he takes the Nicaraguan whiskey and chugs the whole bottle and is left barely standing.

Then he goes out back and the bartender could hear for 30 minutes the yelling and yelping of dog and man with ear piercing sounds.

Then the man comes back in the bar, his clothes all torn and blood oozing from all over his body, and asks, "OK, now where is that old lady with the rotten tooth?"!

Run 1393, Spot After Ntinda

Kavuyo at the Jinja Relay 2010 - Saturday July 31st 2010, somewhere between Kampala and Jinja.


Run 1393 – Spot After, Ntinda

Location: At the Trading centre in Ntinda, right next to KK Health Club, location is located on the same building as Nob View Hotel. Its unmissable.
Date: Monday 9th August, 2010,
Hares: Mahoganess assisted by Mupakasi, Conman, Saddam and Buffalo Dung.

The Run

The blind Men and an elephant.

The Hasher at Dubai International Airport

The Run started from the location with the Walkers being led down the road towards the valley while the Runners and Hashers were told to check it out towards the main road. Then there was a check back and we all went downhill to meet the Walkers at the valley area, then past the Valley to the road that connects Ntinda town to Spear Motors otherwise called Stretcher Road (in Taxis they call it Ntinda Stretcher), then a few FRBs went up the hill past he market before they were checked back, to find the rest had taken the uphill that branches off just after Shell Fuel Station (apparently every fuel station in Uganda is called Shell) Stretcher Road, I hope they still call it that, then the turn off after the Shell brought Nakawa stretcher towards the road that goes to the right turns up to Kembabazi restaurant. This is where we had our first check point after a few check backs.



Pushing the button with Your left finger at the first kechi point

From the first check point, we climbed up a gently rising hill there was a false trail at the climb up on that road that goes up hill past Kembabazi. The trial then lead us down to a residential area with a few “check it outs” placed right at the interesting sections. I did see a couple of hooks, then several ups and downs until we got to the base of Naguru Hill, then climbed all the way to the top of the Naguru Hill, right next to that unfinished palatial residence where we had our beer stop.
The final climb felt like it might fee la the Mount Kenya run. It was so steep!! Fortunately, there was a beer stop just in time, courtesy of Mahoganess and her co hares. The sun was setting at this time as you will see in the pictures and the usual suspects were not in the mood for waiting for all to reach the check point, so from there we ran back along the main road till we got to The Spot after.
New Comers, Returnees and visiting hashers.



Enjoying Mahoganess' beer stop at the top of Naguru Hill - Third check point

Gold Digger from Nairobery was around so every one had their eye on her lest a laptop, mobile phone or wallet gets lost in a melee that she was hoping to cause or something.
There were some other w***rs in attendance but I did not bother to get their names as I was not mood to do so this time round.

We had a song from Gold digger, “In the Morning by the Sea”, you and me know that one it is so popular. Of course it was followed by the ‘Sounds like, sounds like, Sounds like BS to me retort.

Sinners

Solar Erection and Blowback for talking about running in the circle,
GM Kabuki was nominated by Dirty Dick for talking in the circle, and off course being a GM, he could do as he so wished, so he did not partake in our down down ceremony.
Perry Mason for pushing a boda boda at the start of the circle.
Hard-on for sh*tting in the circle.
Blow back for being in Uganda without any VISA, that when he landed at the airport, the man with the Key to the place where the VISA are kept had gone, that we was due to return “Tomoro”, so they told him, Ah also you , don’t worry just enter. And that is how he found himself on the Ttaaka (soil) without a VISA.
Announcements
Mount Kenya run is still on sometime soon, check with conman, seriously, he knows when its taking place and how it’s so much worth it as he has a participated in it before.
Chatter Boxes

Kimansulo, defaulter, Mupakasi for using a vibrating machine during the course of the circle were all nominated for the chatter box. Defaulter won this one hands down as we song to him the famous Bum Tittie bum song.

Hashit/Hash Shit

The nominees including Blowback, who had actually been leading the Bum Tittie song a while ago. Someone nominated him for not knowing the difference between bums and Titties as he kept touching the titties when it was time for the bum, anyway he was doing everything the other way round. He was nominated by Ebola, Rip off was nominated for taking photographs of w*****rs peeing in the circle somewhere along a trail, it could have been at the Jinja Relay or the Day’s Trail.
He third nominee was Arrow gal for something I did not get. But I want to think it was something to do with a complaining man who says he has been hashing religiously for more than one year, and is quite sure that he has achieved the fiftiesth (what a tough word!! ‘fiftiesth’). Anyway, he has achieved his 50th run and deserves his mug. Probably this is why Arrow gal was nominated, as she is the Harber dasher this year and is responsible for ensuring that all T-shirts of the w****rs are ready.
So, as you all know, when one hash mattress is nominated, all Hash mattresses are nominated, and believe me you, they won this one. They were too popular our dear Hash mattresses and took home the prize of KH3 Hashit for the evening. Eh, details; they included Ebola, Kandahar, Arrow gal.

THE END.

NOT QUITE . . .

During the course of the evening, after the Dinner, I watched as Saddam put Virus to task over the actual number of runs that Dayo has. Saddam’s argument is that how come Dayo was most recently receiving his mug of 600 runs about 2-3 years ago and now the stats claim that the same gentleman is close to the magical 4 digit number 1,000. How long does it take to earn those many runs? He asked, no bellowed, furiously to our very own Hash stats. He was basing this on his own worries about how slow his runs are taking to make 200 yet he has been hashing for a” very very longo longo time”. Hash stats virus was trying his best to explain to him the reasons why and how such a scenario might arise but he was having none of it. I will share this story with him perhaps that might explain something or other. On On
ELEPHANT AND THE BLIND MEN
Once upon a time, there lived six blind men in a village. One day the villagers told them, "Hey, there is an elephant in the village today."
They had no idea what an elephant is. They decided, "Even though we would not be able to see it, let us go and feel it anyway." All of them went where the elephant was. Every one of them touched the elephant.




"Hey, the elephant is a pillar," said the first man who touched his leg.
"Oh, no! it is like a rope," said the second man who touched the tail.
"Oh, no! it is like a thick branch of a tree," said the third man who touched the trunk of the elephant.
"It is like a big hand fan" said the fourth man who touched the ear of the elephant.
"It is like a huge wall," said the fifth man who touched the belly of the elephant.
"It is like a solid pipe," Said the sixth man who touched the tusk of the elephant.
They began to argue about the elephant and everyone of them insisted that he was right. It looked like they were getting agitated. A wise man was passing by and he saw this. He stopped and asked them, "What is the matter?" They said, "We cannot agree to what the elephant is like." Each one of them told what he thought the elephant was like. The wise man calmly explained to them, "All of you are right. The reason every one of you is telling it differently because each one of you touched the different part of the elephant. So, actually the elephant has all those features what you all said."
"Oh!" everyone said. There was no more fight. They felt happy that they were all right.
The moral of the story is that there may be some truth to what someone says. Sometimes we can see that truth and sometimes not because they may have different perspective which we may not agree too. So, rather than arguing like the blind men, we should say, "Maybe you have your reasons." This way we don’t get in arguments. In Jainism, it is explained that truth can be stated in seven different ways. So, you can see how broad our religion is. It teaches us to be tolerant towards others for their viewpoints. This allows us to live in harmony with the people of different thinking. This is known as the Syadvada, Anekantvad, or the theory of Manifold Predictions.

The Hasher at Dubai International Airport on his way to the world interact
There is this one story that I had about our very own KH3 Hasher, who had made private travel arrangements for his trip to the recent world Inter Hash at Borneo, Kuching wherever it was held, anyway, true hasher, somehow always travels solo and this time he was connecting to Thailand via Dubai. I think he wanted to spend a day or two in the Emirates before proceeding with his journey.
Now as a true hasher, you’ve got to be prepared. I think he thought that the idea of spending two whole days in a country that strongly discourages Alcohol consumption was going to be a night mare. So true Hasher, ever ready, made a somewhat bright decision of packing Tot packs of Uganda Waragi with him. “Tot packs” may otherwise be known as Sachets, they are polyethen bags that contain dry gin called Uganda Waragi, or Tyson or whatever they have chosen to pack.
Anyway, as the trip to Dubai went very nicely, as the Waragi had travelled in the luggage which travels in the cargo hold of the plane with the general baggage stuff. Anyway, upon claiming his luggage and walking out toward the Airport exit, he was accosted by an inquisitive security agent who told him that they had X-rayed one of his bags and found some mysterious packed liquid which they could not quite explain. Do you mind showing us they asked? The fellow said, oh, that with a big grain, no problem. Let me show you. So he unzipped his bag and shows them the tot packs, neatly arranged on some corner of the suitcase. With a broad grin, he explains to the security guy, who is much more comfortable reading Arabic words, after he has read the small print on the packaging., he explained to him, that there is my refreshments!. The other fellow responded, “Refreshments, what sort of refreshments are you talking about”. The guard inquired further. The Hasher said, it’s like Mineral water ‘just’. (Adding the word “just” to make it sound so casual). Anyway, the guard almost convinced tells him, it’s okay you can go. As the relief washes over the hasher’s face, and he is packing the bag, the security guy tells him, Since it’s just refreshment, “Do you mind taking one?’, quickly the hasher, got one tot pack, bit off a corner, and down downed it in seconds, Fine, the guard say, you can go. . . The Hasher quickly packs the stuff and is about to walk off, when as if it’s an afterthought, the guard asks him again ‘Do you mind taking another one” The Hasher on the other hand says no problem. Now the tot pack is packed in 100ml sizes. But of course knowing how hot waragi is, this time the sips are a little bit longer than before, the process of completion of the ‘refreshment was slightly longer that before but of course the fellow finishes it off. The guard is witnessing this and is slightly confused with the whole scenario, he tells him. Okay “just take one more then you go”.
Now this is the third one. Eh, exclaimed the World Interhash bound gentleman, ‘Why shall I do” he asked himself (Not what shall I do, but ‘Why swall I do’ . . . since the waragi is beginning to take effect!) Now, the third one was really a tough act, he sucked on that tot pack, eyes almost popping out, the waragi was at full effect. The third one took forever, but down downing it was not an option. Finally, feat accomplished, and the Guard seeing that the man had been tortured enough, told him, off you go please, and welcome to Dubai. He took off immediately, walked, actually zig zagged for a few dozen steps, tripped himself, stood up zig zagged a little bit more as he whispered ‘Sorry, sorry, sorry” to himself, past the exit, and boarded a taxi straight to the nearest hotel in Deira.

It was remarked that this is one of the most hilarious scenes that has ever been witnessed at this Airport!!

On On

Katanga Bbi



By the way, Nipples took some photos of the run and I will be uploading them recently . . . okay ‘soon’.

Hash #1392 - Icon Bar or Restaurant or Washing Bay

Hares: Aima Aima
Venue: Icon, so this place is a real multi-tasker, restaurant, bar AND washing bay??
Date: August 2nd, 2010

The jam in Katwe is so bad that even boda bodas get stuck.  That is the lesson I learned on my way to the Hash on Monday.  Arriving just a Hashers were heading on out, Blow Back was nice enough to run with me until we joined up with the group somewhere on the other side of Entebbe road.  The hares took us through Katwe, Nsambya and Makindye, treating us to some nice hills following the Jinja Relay and even gave us a beer stop in there.  The "villagers" were quite amused with us running through the markets.  Being one of the muzungus on the hash, I'm pretty used to being shouted at by now but one of my favorite things is when Ugandan hashers are heckled.  Now most of the time I can't tell what they're saying but I can tell who they're shouting at.  Some of the crowd favorites are; Perry Mason - I'm pretty sure this is because of the tight shorts he wears, or maybe because of his amusing gait.  When the FRBs run through I'm pretty certain (though I only hear it when there's a hook or check-back) the locals squeal with joy.  Then there are the old guys like Pisser, Landlord and the Hash Master himself who get a rise out of the communities - I'm sure they're wondering, how can that old guy be running through here like that.  Then there's the Itching Thighs, Wide Load and Sunset Stripper who get a different kind of rise out of the crowd.

I have misplaced my notes on this one so I'm going from memory which, in my case, is not so good but hell, it has to be better than last year's trash!

We started out the circle with some results from the weekend's activities - The 5th Annual Jinja Relay!  (see previous post for complete results)  We also recognized some of the mercenaries from City Tyres and Team Waragi, in so doing, we realized that the mercenary from City Tyres needed a hash handle, most hashers were quite in favor of the handle "City Cuban" so that's what he was baptised.

There weren't any notable new-comers but there was a returnee - Off-Layer made her return, supposedly from making babies, though I'm starting to think that that is some kind of stock answer - EVERY female returnee has been making babies!!  but, then again, Uganda's birth rate is among the highest in the world...

Chatterbox was chosen and it was found that he didn't actually have a hash name, though this scribe has been calling him Small Balls as he is Big Balls' younger brother.  Disappointingly, the hash democracy did not choose Small Balls for his handle as we "already have too many balls." (how could this possibly be true?!)  Instead, he was given the totally boring (mostly because I don't understand it) handle of "Mud Hole."

Another memorable moment of the evening was when someone pulled a woman into the circle for new shoes - this woman was not wearing running gear and her shoes were the sort that you might see worn by pole-dancers or burlesque entertainers... she was CLEARLY not a hasher but she was actually a good sport.  She had just come to enjoy an evening at her local pub, walked in and was dragged into a circle of rowdy strangers, was made to take off a shoe and drink beer out of it and not only did she not protest, she did it with a smile - now if this lady wasn't meant to be a hasher, I really don't know who was.

Hashit on the other hand was wholly unmemorable so, yeah, sorry!

The next hash is (was) at the Spot After in Ntinda and will be (was) hared by Mupakasi.  The psychic in me feels that this run will have a lot of hilly check backs for the runners and a very, very well deserved beer stop.

On! On!

Solar Erection

Run No. 1391; Kampala-Jinja Relay 2010

Hares: Al's Bar and friends
Venue: Kiira Town Council, Source of the Nile, Triangle Hotel and the very hot, dusty road in between
Distance: 82km but it felt like 820km
Date: 31st July, 2010


With a record turn-out, some very creative, colorful team names and t-shirts, the Jinja Relay of 2010 was a great success, a good time was had by all, including the mercenaries.  Kudos to Al's Bar his team for organizing a great event.  We were also glad to welcome a team from the Kigali Hash and Hashers from Nairobbery.  We're going to do something special for you on this trash - never-before done!  We're going to bring you three perspectives on this event.  The "Newbie's Perspective" will be brought to you by Just Darlyne who now has 4 hashes under her belt.  The medium-term perspective will be brought to you by yours truly, Solar Erection and the "Veteran's Perspective" will be brought to you by the loquacious Katanga Bbi.


So, without further ado:


Newbie's Perspective by Just Darlyne:

5.15am! That's how early I had to get up, no one should ever have to get up that early...ever! But I got up because we had to be at the starting point by 6.00am. We made it there by 6.30am and didn't really find that many people there but the few we did find there were already drinking beer. I didn't think anyone drunk beer that early unless they had been doing so the whole night before but here were people disproving me. 

I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that I was taking part in a relay so I only had the rules of an ordinary relay to guide me. I assumed we have a baton to pass on to the next team member, I assumed whoever got to the finish line first would be the winner, I assumed we would be driving right by our team members till their leg was done and the baton was passed so they could sit in the car and drive with us to the next stop, I assumed this wouldn't take the whole day. Needless to say, my assumptions were wrong. The legs only end when all the runners have reached the finish line and winners are determined by times (which makes sense for a run like this) and there was no baton, sadness just. Apart from that, everything I didn't expect was the most fun I've had in a long time.

At the starting point we got our cool t-shirts and set off to the first finish point and boy did those guys have a long way to run. I felt for our Seed 1 who was hoodwinked with the responsibility just at the starting line as our original Seed 1 had been poached by another team (Boo poachers!) Much of the day continued in this vein and since I was a Seed 8 I didn't get to run till the end of the day. 

It was fun being stuck all day in a car with my friends, getting out at the end of every leg to cheer my team mates on and take pictures of them crossing the finish line against the beautiful backdrop of the less travelled roads we tool to get to Jinja. I can appreciate the beauty now but I'm not too sure the people actually running through it would have agreed at the time. We had a good lunch after which I had a nice nap (don't judge me, I was up insanely early remember?)

Then it was time for my run. Now I'd only been for 3 hashes before this relay the last one being 3 weeks before the relay and I hadn't done any running since then but for some reason my brain thought running 3.5k would be a breeze. Well, every single muscle in my body disagreed. I have never been so tired in all my life, I could barely walk less run and when the Sweeper Van came up behind me I knew that was probably the most embarrassing moment in my sporting career. Let me tell you, there is no motivation to run quite as effective being tail-gated by a Sweeper Van. I finally made it across the finish line and promised myself I'd get fitter.

The day came to an end and the sun set on the last leg of runners as we made our way to the Source of the Nile for the night's last circle. I dragged myself down the steps wondering all the time how I was going to make it back up again. Somehow, I did and on to Hotel Triangle we went where I knocked on some doors trying to find a hasher who would let me use their bathroom to wash some of the day's filth off of me; Shower had, it was time for some much  needed nourishment and the meal that was provided hit exactly the spot.

As we drove back to Kampala, we had a very nice conversation through which I could barely keep my eyes open and as I drifted off to sleep, I was thankful for such a fun filled day albeit probably the longest day in my life yet.

Of course special thanks go to Solar Erection who got me there in the first place.

Medium Perspective by Solar Erection:

As the middle of the road contributor on this blog, this year’s relay was my second, I’m really not sure I add anything to this blog post but maybe as the sole foreigner contributing I do...  My second try at the relay was generally much more enjoyable than the first and I’ll leave it at that.  The day started early and with one of my house-mates, who I had recruited to participate, threatening to hit me in the head with a pan.  I guess I’m more of a morning person than she is. 

We eventually made it to the starting line, handed out t-shirts and the hospital bracelets that marked the paid participants from the flukers.  As we were getting down to go time I was told that one of our seed 1s was poached by another team (I’m looking at you Big Blue W**kers) and the second (we had two teams) was on a boda somewhere between Ntinda and the starting point.  Luckily I was able to persuade another Nabugabo team member to take one (a BIG one, thanks Ryan!) for the team and run seed one and our other seed one got there just in the nick of time. 

After that, the race seemed to go on as (far as I can tell) usual, seed 1s kicking up dust and amazing everyone, the usual suspects drinking beer and running from 6:30am until they pass out at 10pm.  Teams bickering about the mercenaries that were poached by other teams, oh, wait, that was me.  Dear City Tyres team, I think it was very nice of you to offer to pay school fees of your Cubans in return for the run but go find your own! 

The weather quickly turned hot and the air dusty but the views from the villages were spectacular.  Team Waragi organized for music that had all the village kids and all the hashers dancing all day. 

One of my lowlights was falling down not once, but twice.  And before you blame it on the beer, no, no I hadn’t been drinking.  But on the plus side, I did learn a new phrase in Luganda – Muzungu agudde – the muzungu has fallen down.  Not that it will ever come in handy but as soon as I took the digger on the maram road in my second leg and I was covered with dirt and blood, the shouts of the people who lined the trail turned from “Muzungu muzungu!!” “well done!” “How ah yoooo?!” and “You ah last!” to “Muzungu agudde” and “bambi...”  But I wasn’t about to give up and get into the sweeper van, hell no!  I was going to finish – I’m likely one of the slow runners that Katanga refers to in his take. 

My absolute favourite part of the Jinja Relay is how, though there is some stiff competition, there is also such camaraderie.  People run down the road to meet and run with their finishing teammates, people cheer for fellow hashers on other teams and it kinda gives me that warm fuzzy feeling, and no, still not the beer talking, just me getting a bit mushy.

Thanks to the Kigali and Nairobbery hashers who came to participate, hope you had a great time in Uganda.  Thanks to the Kigali hasher who stopped to make sure I was ok when I took a tumble.  Thanks to Al’s Bar, Hashmaster, Mpuuta, Chadwick and all the others that put so much time into the organization of this year's relay!

Veteran's Perspective by Katanga Bbi:

How long does it take to become a veteran? a couple of years perphaps, three four or five, maybe. ?, Having run the Kampala-Jinja Relay since its inception in the year 2005 or was it 2006, running the Relay proudly, as one of the Team Waragi. I can uncomfortably say that I am a veteran of the Jinja Relay!! So this hear below is the Veteran’s perspective of the day, during before and after.

It’s tough to have a place to start, perhaps I should start from the very end, when I saw the Hasher known as Knock Knees shoot a marvelous putt on the 8^th Green of this course,  to earn himself a par on this hole on the morning of Sunday 1^st August, Its baffling that after so much running, the previous day, drinking and “jamming” as Federo like s to call it, a Hasher would be able to play 9 holes of golf, but off course Queenie will tell me, stick to Hash Maters please Katanga, this is not a Golf blog, or the very end when we abandoned the Hash master at Triangle Hotel with 40 empty crates of beers and sped off to Kampala, or I could tell you of how Wide Load asked me, Hey Katanga, you Waragi People are not serious, why would you go ahead and brand the truck and the bus you came in that way as if you bought them?, I answered yeah, we bought them for this one day, after that, they no longer will be ours, or I could tell you about Sunset Stripper’s favorite one liner that she recounted over and over, this one involved Vuvuzelas, apparently, there are vuvuzelas of all kind but there is this particular vuvuszela that showed up at the jinja Relay that created an unbelievable large loud . . .no ear shattering sound that Dirty dick asked, ‘Ani a ffuye vuvuzela eyo?”(who has blown that vuvuzela”, and I responded, Alo, waliwo vuvuzela wano omuntu ayina vuvuzela eya manyi enyo, togizanyira kko (there is a very serious here that you should not mess around). (By the way, wide load is the one who blew that vuvuzela)All that and more, just the little things that happened at the Jinja Relay.

The Jinja relay took place on the 31st July 2010, but the chairmen /team captains of the various teams that were involved know very well that the event started well before that, actually, as Chairman of the Waragi team, I could say, preparations started as far back as 2 months ago, when one volunteer and now ex-Waragi member, took the bull by the horns and began mobilizing for our Team Waragi at such a frantic pace that we, who are not used to “being too organized”, and ready  a month in advance, could not handle it, and we asked him and his crew to form another team, which they did to our great relief.

But I did not take notes at the jinja relay, although, solar Erection came by some time and told me that Queenie was telling her that she would be taking notes of the jinja Relay instead of hanging around enjoying themselves, “Question, how is it possible to take notes of people having fun when you too are supposed to be having fun too. I recall the blogs that I have written without any notes are almost as good as those that had notes, anyway, anyway, antyway, anyway On On

1.            Acts of Charity

Weeks to the Jinja relay, Al’s bar indicated that he would like the jinja relay to leave a more meaningful legacy in the minds of the people along the route at least , and so encouraged Teams to think of creative ways to of performing charitable actions along the way to ninja. However, as the day drew closer, Al’s decided to postpone this charity thingie, to a later date as he was swamped by so many things to do at the same time, we actually called off the Charity thing until next year. So, to say the least, I was pleasantly surprised to see that several teams actually performed act s of charity such as the giving away of exercise books, pencils etc to kids that happened to have been around when the Relay was happening, actually there were quiet a number of lucky recipients of these books etc. , I do not know which team in particular was doing hits, but from what I saw, I saw many Kids with big smiles on their faces , clutching several exercises and a pencil or two, there is nothing as relevant as a gift to a child as a book or pencil. Anyway, of course hashers being hashers, I saw some who had gone over board and given out cans of Castle Lager to kids as young as 7 years, the pictures say more, but of course, those are our people, Be bantu baffe as they say. On On.

2.            Timing officials on a boda boda.

 During one of the team Captains meetings prior to the event, Pisser suggested that in order to have a more flexible means of transportation during the Jinja Relay, it would be important to have a Boda Boda Cyclist accompany us all the way to Jinja, I am glad that, I witnessed this wonderful idea in motion when I saw our two  timing officials Chadwick and Al’s Bar, taking off in hot pursuit of the runners on their boda boda.But of course , there are those particular instances, where it is impossible to catch up with the runners for example when we got to the Lunch break moment at Najjembe, some runners had already arrived before the Timing officials, just like they did a year ago, and the year before that. I am tempted to think that at this particular section, the FRBs run faster than any other means of transportation.

3. The disorganization of some teams on the seeds.

This time round, many of the teams that participated in the Relay exhibited a very high level of organization; the minimum standards were so high that it was simply an array of Kampala’s most famous T-shirt designers on display. Of course the Team Waragi T-shirt, designed by none other than Federo,  emerged most creative running T-shirt , (of course am only saying it because am Waragi Team to)., each team had a couple of other T-shirts including a polo T-shirt for example. Unfortunately for some reason, No hopers did not bother to make themselves t-shirts for this occasion, for some reason anyway, What a bore!!. Some other teams did not show up at all, like Stanbic. If it is to do with the sponsorship or something, such teams are invited to seek sponsorship from the Waragi Team in advance, we might be willing to sponsor them or something , but of course on condition that you write  the following words on your T- shirt ”S*****c Bank sponsored by Team Waragi”.

Talking about disorganized teams, there was this team that was fielding participants in an upside down manner. You see, the Jinja Relay is designed in such a Way that Seed one runs the first section, then seed 4 runs the second section, then seed 2 Runs the third section, then seed 3 runs the forth section etc. So basically there was this team that was fielding runners tin a way that was hilarious. Seed one ran the first section (which was meant for seed one – Correct! Then seed two ran the second section, (which was meant for seed 4) –Wrong, then seed 3 ran the third section (Which was meant for seed 2) – wrong again, then seed 4’s turn came, they were beginning to understand that they had made serious errors of judgment. It got to this point where I saw one of the w****rs on this team asking actually seed three asking One of the timing officials, “Eh, madam, when am I supposed to run? Answer- What seed are you- other confused party just shows his bib and shows her, the bib reads “seed 3”. Then the timing official informs him, this is the end of the section for seed threes, who run your Leg or who ran you section, then the other party “You see madam, for us we are a little bit disorganized”.  I proposed that we hold seminars, workshops and conferences next time round, featuring various key note speakers etc, prior to the Jinja Relay, so that such people can be prepared well in advance.

5, Security this time round.

We had ourselves wonderful security arrangements all thorugh out the run, from the beginning to the very end there was a accessible police presence throughout the route and upon reaching jinja, thanks to the organizers of the Jinja Relay and thanks to the Uganda Police for handling issues in such a way to ensure that there was little chaos throughout the run.

6, enough water,

This time, courtesy of the mismanagement team, we managed to secure sponsorship of Mineral water to aid us along the run, Water came from Nile special and Coca-Cola who together gave us a combined total of 140 Cartons of water and each time managed to get 5 cartons, so you could imagine that a team like Kimeza which was fielding 3 Teams got 15 Cartons of mineral water.

7. Each team giving out water at particular check points.

An idea was floated at which each team as required to give out water at particular check points and this was well executed to the best of my knowledge. I remember that at even one point there was a mini fight about two teams wanting to give water out at the same check point, and one of the other teams asking can I please give out water here??

8. Perhaps there were too many vehicles on the route. We shall never know, but somehow, we got ourselves in a situation where we arrived that the Jinja Source of the Nile when it was already dark. In any case, I think that presence of the vehicle do not hinder the overall time mismanagement of the event, especially seeing that people went to greater lengths to park correctly and avoid double parking by parking on one side of the road.

 

9. Too many slower runners who did not want to get swept. Perhaps there were too many slower runners who did not want to get swept caught up in the Jinja Relay, meaning that the entire jinja Relay was running at or close to the pace of the slowest runners who did not want to get swept in all the seeds  . . .Makes sense  doesn’t it? Perhaps next time we should get some slower runners who are holding up the Relay to be forcefully swept or something. So that the Relay can have some bit of pace. This and probably the duration of the lunch stop at Najembe could have been a contributing factor. By the way, the lunch break at Najembe is something notes worthy

10. Lunch

There is a team that showed up with a boat some two year ago at the Jinja relay, probably anticipating to cross some sections of the route with this vehicle or something, anyway, this time round they did not bring the boat with them, but I noted that they spend considerable time planning for the lunch break, I stole a glance at these team mates having their lunch and I t felt as though we were looking at one of the plates that Hajati at Nakasero market prepares for her daily customers. Talk about everything, it was there, a piece of chicken, lots of rice, beef, beans ., peas , ground nut sauce, carrots , cabbages, the whole nine yards wee there piled mountain high on their plates. I was asking myself of course the most obvious question “How are these w*****rs going to run after this has began settling in their stomachs. Our team just settled for a Chicken and cheese sandwich, which was quite enough by any standards. No fanfare, but in a way, the teams that created the fanfare environment somehow costs us a few valuable minutes, we will never never know.

11. I have never seen anyone drinking beer this early in the morning. Actually, if they are drinking beer this early in the morning, they must have spent the whole night drinking. This was a statement from some innocent virgin who is seeing the Jinja Relay for the first time. The continuation of the statement is . . . if they were drinking beer in the morning so early, how they managed to drink beer the whole day and also run at the same time. Answer; welcome to the hash, you need to go to things like say, the Africa Interhash in Addis or the World Inter hash. You will be surprised at the amount of things that they can do beer with. On On.

12. During Conman’s Tenure as hash Master 2011, he proposed to build a road at that section in Mabira forest where for the second time in a row, a car – actually, the vehicle that Kachabali was travelling in got stuck. Con man proposed to construct a beautiful road with a bridge at that exact point so that we never get stuck there again. He has already lined up the engineers and the tendering process has started. So the only minor thing to sort out is to do the needful and get him in that office. Of course Conman will require your contribution for this road, so do not forget your check books behind and make the payments in his own names to speed things up. On On.

13. I will skip this one and go to the next one as the information contained herein is for persons above 80 who come accompanied with both parents.

14. Perhaps we could start the run at six am in the morning or something. It was very dangerous to be running at terrific speeds thorough the crowded Jinja Town at 8:00 pm in the night.

15. I thought the jinja relay was 82 Kilometers, however, rumors have it that Al’s bar in the process of marking the route discovered that after using GPS loaded equipment, the “Odometer” of various motor vehicle (by the way, I learn’t that word odometer from Chili sauce quite recently, On on Chili sauce), anyway, Al’s bar thinks that the distance could actually be higher than previously quoted, but watch this space, very soon new are going to give you the real real real distance up to the last millimeter.

16. There was a circle which  I missed as I was on an errand to collect the keys of the rooms that we had booked at paradise and Triangle Hotel, but from what I saw, many could not wait for the circle to close as they were too tire too hungry or both.

17. The Dance. The dance after Dinner was great, till morning we went for those with ‘Stamina”, the dinner was another matter altogether, some people eaten, others did not eat, but of course you and me know that those things happen a lot at the Hash. Defaulter pulled out some rather amazing dancing strokes right from the Brazilian carnival!! Mukyala was there doing her thing with Land lord, you cannot even begin to described how much fun the two were having. Mukodo went and changed here evening ware twice, At first she had this very ho dress, then she went and got herself into this even hotter dress, I heard that wide Load had this incredible shoe, everyone talked about it, I did not see it but it was hot, some two good friends of mine later almost had a cat fight after the dance at Sombrelos night club after the music had ended, I do not know how true this is, but as you know, what happens a the Hash remains at the hash.

18. Beers. There were several beers available and a soda bottle for the hashers who had a ribbon or wrist band. Those who did not were turned away, flukers were minimized, the beers were flowing endlessly . . . A night to remember, with Hot pants grabbing our beloved UG. Waragi Bottle and giving it away to hashes r shot by shot. . . just like that . . . how annoying, he attempted to do the same thing with Conman’s had fought for and had earned bottle of Johnny Walker, and Conman could not have any of this nonsense.

And that my friend was that, I am tempted to add on a little bit of the hottest gossip about the Jinja Relay, but let me chill it for the moment. There is always next time. On On- Katanga BBI – by the way, there is a link of photos that you can use to see the jinja relay through the eyes of Nichole and our very own natty Dread, who took some beautiful pictures. On On. Nipples will post her link soon if you ask her nicely.

In conclusion, the three of us are looking forward to next year, when we'll try to be drunker, yet faster and maybe Darlyne will even have a hash name by then.  For full results click here.  If you took photos at the relay, please post your links in comments so everyone can see!