Jokes Only - TBC

Tony, having his second son christened, was much concerned about getting the correct name on the birth certificate.

"Will you please name the baby just as I give it to you"?

"Certainly", answered the minister, "why shouldn't I"?

"Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When I told you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you wrote on his birth certificate 'Thomas'.

This boy I want to name Jack".

source: http://Johns-Jokes.com

Run 1402 - Joglo, Naalya

This really is the best lawyer story of the year,
decade and probably the century.


A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: That the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued...and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the Insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.


ONLY IN AMERICA!!!

Run 1401 – Joglo Naalya
Date:- 4th October 2010
Location; Located at the big round about on the Northern By Pass, at Naalya.
Hares; Fancy Pants assisted by Queenie.
The Run;
I found this already underway, and was chasing most of the way, in short, the run was quiet lovely, not too short not too long, and probably a total combined 5 KM for the entire run. There was a timely beer stop at the second check point. T-shirts were available I think for the first 100 people who turned up, red T-shirts that too were well designed.
Circle, we had a speech from Rachael of Computer Point, one of the sponsors of the run, probably the sponsor of the run,

The Next run is to take place at Nook club along George Street in Kampala, opposite former TLC Club

We had a few newcomers including Terry Hatcher form Nairobery, at which it is customly to watch your pockets when you hear someone, is from Nairobery.
Big Sam was also there as a returnee, so was Antelope, and of course as you all know, when a GM gets a Down down, all GMs including in Hash Mattresses deserve the Down down.

Announcements for the independence run were made by Dirty Dick; there will be two runs, one on Friday, and another one on Saturday.
Other New comers included Meier and Josoyn, who have hashed before somewhere,

Among the sinners we had that day included Big Balls , Chadwick and Katanga Bbi, Galloping Major, Buffalo Dung and Septic tonku, Kazi loo and FatBoy were nominated for chatter box, I think Fatoy won.

Pisser made an announcement ha one of our very own GMs would be celebrating a birthday any time, so we song to him Bean Counter our happy Bash day song.
Hackenbush nominated Federo for having made an entry into Wikipedia, at which he asked, what is Wikipedia?!, Solar erection was nominated by Porn Master for saying that she always loves a fcku, or is it cfuk every Friday. Of course you guess right, Solar Erection won this one. And that my friend was that,
I have to compliment the hare on having organized a lovely Chicken Muchomo Dinner, quite memorable., on On to ishaka.

PHOTOS COMING SOON
----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Hash Trash
To: philip@brierley.org; william.kosar@gmail.com; jimbusulwa@yahoo.com; simonpbugg@yahoo.com; S'raith Mbarute
Sent: Tue, October 5, 2010 11:55:06 AM
Subject: Gisenyi hash event by Kigali
Dear hashers,

Kigali Hash House Harries, is happy to invited you for big event in Gisenyi (north of rwanda )

The event will be held on lake Kivu beach, surrounded by green 100hills for which will enjoy a run after cold beers.

More details will reach very soon (at least 1month a head) so that you could prepare you self, but the plan is it arrival on Friday 12th Nov at Gisenyi and run 13th Nov, as this place is closed to Congo boarder we still looking a visit in Goma town (if we get facility on logistic).

For quick communication please call me on +250 788455362 or email: mb_sourai2@yahoo.fr

Cheers

ON ON

Crazy Horse

JOKE

Two fishermen were adrift in their rented boat due to an engine failure. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.

One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat!"


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On On
Katanga Bbi.

Run 1401 - Lugogo Tennis Club

JOKE

There's a big conference of beer producers. At the end of the day, the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.

The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of "Nile Breweries' orders a Nile Gold, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on. Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke!

"Why don't you order a Guinness?" his colleagues ask.

"Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, then neither will I."

WARNING TO MEN:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police warn all clubbers, partygoers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.

The drug is usually found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans from taps and in large "kegs". "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.>
Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sex with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer" men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship". It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage". Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory woman administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.




View from the first check point. When you are doing a live hare run, make sure that you drop in a few check points more to give yourself enough time to recover. The plan is to make them climb that Hill in the backgroun, from the lowest point (the valley stream) to the highest point the peak of hte hill, non-=satop no break no check points, so tht you know how it feels to live in the endlessly hilly sections of Kisoro.

Run 1401 – Lugogo Tennis Club
Location; Less than 2 km along the Kampala – Jinja Road, branch off at former Lugogo By Pass, first turn off to your right.
Hares; Katanga Bbi assisted by Dirty Dick
The Run;
The run was set by yours truly, so it had to be a little bit ‘special’. Anyway, my pals was to take them (w****s and wankerettes) to the top of the Naguru hill as it was seemingly a big challenge to start the climb of that hill from the very bottom, at a stream to t the very top at that semi finished house.

By the way, the story or Lugambo or wolokoso that I heard about this magnificent but unfinished house on top of this hill is that It belonged to a top Ugandan Sports Administrator and Business man, who went ahead and constructed it on land that belonged to the Communication Commission or something, anyway, mid way through the construction, he was asked to relocate. A prominent Hasher on the KH3 told me than he once visited the premises and the breeze that you get there is totally over whelming, as there is a breeze that comes in direct from the lake. Anyway, that aside, I t was my desire to have the trail reach this point, on top of the hill, and probably organize a beer stop or something up there. The beer stop did not happen, but the check point on top of the hill did happen. The problem with the whole concept was to get them back to the Tennis club, probably the journey up there is an even 3 K flat then 1.5 K climb then the return should be about 5 KM downhill mostly.
We had a slight problem with the return as I gets dark a little a little bit earlier these days, towards the end of the year, the sky begins to darken at like 6:45, and by 5 minutes to seven it’s already dark. In the haste to get back at a slightly respectable time, we run nonstop for the last like 5 K back to the hash venue.
The usual complainer were there with the same usual crap “Katanga, sincerely that was too much, I came back at 7:30 pm, and that sort of thing. Other Hashers returned at some time to eight pm. Blah blah blah . . . Next time, lets seer you setting your very own cute, just perfect run. . . . Which probably no body will recall after they have been through with it.
Anyway, there was one or two incidents that I think that I should write about. During the marking of the trail, sometime between 3:20pm and 4:16pm, a thunderstorm ripped across the clear blue skies of the area where we were marking and along with it came the total wash out of all the marks that we had set. In my six year s a hasher, this is the first time this scenario has happened to me. During the time that the rains were pouring, we (me and Dirty dick) sought refuge at the verandah of some almost complete residential complex in Naguru Hill; the Askari (Read Security Guard) on the premises allowed us to stand under the verandah till the rains subsided.



The view from the second check point on top of Naguru Hill. After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.” Nelson Mandela

It was an opportune moment and one in which I revealed to Dirty Dick the particular problem that I had, I told him, that I might need the intervention of prayers and counseling or both as I was facing a unique and unusual problem. I told him that what is bothering me is that sometimes, I lie awake for hours, half of the night thinking of Hash routes, Hash trails, most convenient places to put check points , has venues, etc. I told him that for the most part, these thought seem to start from the tennis club at Luggage and go to which ever direction, I lie there thinking about the route that crosses the main road and goes to the Buglolobi side, the route that climbs up and end us way past Kololo Airstrip, etc. I told him that you know what man; I think I am having a hash addiction problem and I might be in need of counseling services!! He listened to all his quietly and silently and then responded thus“ Katanga Bbi, I think you deserve a cold beer”, and then maybe later a Prayer or something. Anyway, after the rains had stopped, we went back just a little to do what they call damage assessment. To assess how much damage the rains had made to our marks.
Answer. Total!! The rains had totally washed away all the marks that we had spent the last 1 and a half hours carefully setting. The numerous beautifully timed Hooks, check backs false trails that we had so carefully installed on the run were now flowing freeing inside the famous Nakivubo channel with no Hasher to see them, and proceeding to Lake Victoria where they would most probably end up in the land of the pharaohs or something. As we mused about all this, we realized that returning to reset the run as an impossibility, so we should just continue with setting the run, an ensure that they all reach this point where we could now do a normal run so the first section of the run would have to be a Live hare Now, the thing with Live hare, I think you’ve got to be a little bit creative, or very fit or both, as there is no luxury of time.
That part went on well.
The second incident that happened during the run was, well, , there is this residence on the Hill of Naguru, I think the tenants of the place do not have a security guard and do not live anyone at home, so for security, they employ . . . .you guessed right, the most fierce looking , loudest barking dogs that you can ever imagine. Worse still, they have got a fence/perimeter fence that is made of Iron Bars just like those ones that you have seen at Jail houses or prison cells. Anyway, when you are passing this place, the dogs will bark at you like you have committed some kind of unforgivable crime, then they will threaten to come out of their fence, pushing their heads through the bars threatening to come for you. However, the bars are made is such a way, that the dog can poke its head through but the body cannot get through the fence because the bars do not allow this size through.
The first time, I saw this scenario, of the dog pushing through the fence with its head out of the fence, was pretty scary, however, there was a security guard who was passing by the same foot path, and he comforted a very uneasy me by saying, just continue and ignore the dog, it will do nothing. So with those words of comfort, I continued route recceeing. However, the second time round, we this time, we were on the route itself and the dog was pushing through, threatening to break through he fence, I was the Live hare, and way upfront the chasing pack, then the incredible happened. The Dog, the fierce, always barking, always threatening to attack, German Shepherd Dog, pushed through the bars and popped its whole self through the Fence!!!!!. OMG, Oh my, Oh My, There I was, leading the entire hash as the live Hare and facing a Well trained, pissed off German Shepherd with just a kavera full of Chalk!!
I remembered the words of the Askari who had told me to ignore it and did just that, hoping against hope that it would not jump me from behind and tear me to pieces. Later, I asked Junior, Aka Broiler, who was the hasher that was running just ahead the pack of hasher, I asked him, how did you deal with that dog? He told me that he just went down, grabbed a stone, then the dog run back home just like that!!
Sounds too good or too scary to be true, well it just is. If you want to enjoy this thrill yourself, try it one of these days. Just after a seemingly abandoned 40 ft container along Naguru Hills, take the foot path up hill and then wait, a little, you feel the dogs before you even see them. And the sure do bark loud.
The rest of the day went on as usual. See pictures attached.
Photographs courtesy of Nipples and Rip Off.


On On
Katanga Bbi.