Run #1377 Hotel Ruch

May 3rd, 2010

Hares: Hacken Bush and Queenie

This hash started out like any old hash but it certainly didn't end like one.  Some said unprecedented, others said surreal, I said "About time!"  If you were at the hash at Hotel Ruch on May 3rd you know what I'm talking about  but if you weren't there, well, I guess you'll have to keep on reading.

The hash was said to have been too short and of course it didn't have enough beer but then again, when are hashers ever happy with the amount of beer on a run?!

The circle started as usual with recognition of Queenie and Hacken Bush for haring the night's hash and because one hash master was drinking, they all drank, including Pisser, Bean Counter and Anonymous.

New Comers:

• Just Amon from Nansana came because of Conman's efforts
• Shotput made Just Teddy from Ntinda come

Returnees:

• Casino was back from making triplets
• Just Adiga was back after a long absence caused by, what this scribe guesses to be too many late nights at Iguana

Visiting Hasher:

• Rambo was visiting from the Kigali Hash and he songed us a sing "Voice of America style," that was so vulgar it made Buffalo Dung Blush - "The Kampala Beer Truck Song"  

New Shoes: If you are on the list of hashers who were recognized for having new shoes on May 3rd at Hotel Ruch, you should should get yourself to a hospital or clinic immediately!  You will surely have a raging bacterial infection by month's end if you don't already from the sewage-covered trail that led us down onto the golf course.  As I learned in the Peace Corps, ingesting poo, even if it's unintentional, is pretty much the cause of all illness.

• Mukyira had apparently bought some new shoes when he went to Addis but then forgot to actually hash while he was there.
• Al's Bar was also caught with new shoes
• Just Deborah was made to drink out of her shoe as well

Photo: Mukyira and Al's Bar in a passionate embrace while imbibing the foamy stuff from the strangest of places.

Sinners:

• Katanga Bbi for shouting "Are you?!" - I didn't exactly get the rest of the explanation but I'm sure it was a good one to get sinner for my assistant hash scribe
• Idi Amin was brought into the circle for going in with the mayor of Kampala saying that Kampala has potholes because that's the way it is.  I mean, if it were me, I'd also embrace the crater-like state of the roads too.  After all, it is the origin of Kam-pothole's nickname.  Just like Nai-robbery and Dar Slum, if the nickname fits?...
• Ripoff was caught running the wrong direction
• Gaddafi had the nerve to be using a vibrating machine in the circle
• Throbbing Good was talking, for a change, in the circle
• SCRIBE'S CHOICE: I was standing in line for food following the circle, minding my own business as I do and this scrawny, ugly bastard has the nerve to come up to me and make a vulgar remark about scratching my itch.  I'm not sure what your hash name is but here's your answer: NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!!!

Hashy Birthday:

So if I'm not mistaken, my esteemed colleague, Kantanga Bbi wrote about a hashy birthday for a certain hasher for the previous hash.  In fact, he wrote quite extensively about it and here she comes, STILL celebrating and requiring us to celebrate her birthday for an entire week.  Kwashiorkor, I'm pretty sure that's a hashitable offense, watch your back.

Also celebrating a hashy birthday was Pap Smear and someone even got them a cake.  On a side note, why is there no bakery in Kampala that can make a nice moist cake?  The only cake I've ever had here, including (supposedly) the Kabaka's birthday cake, had dry raisin cake and frosting so hard you might mistake it for a rock.  If someone opens a shop that has actual moist cake they'll be rich.

On another note, there were some hashers who went to Addis, 10 to be exact.  Apparently, out of the 10, W**ker Getter was the only one who actually showed up to the hash so he told everyone there he was the Kampala Hash Master.  The nerve of some people!

Big Sam was in the news paper talking about liars so all of the liars, a.k.a attorneys, were brought into the circle (Conman, Perry Mason and the gang, including Dirty Dick)

Chatter Box:

• Dog Eater
• Hell's Gate
• Just Ronald ("Less noisy black one")
• Throbbing Good ("Noisy white one") ended up baptizing the CB hat with some wasted beer

And here is the story of the month:

Hashit:

Two asses, Perry Mason and Conman were caught in possession of the hash horn when everyone knows that the hash horn is ONLY to be in the possession of the hash horn - Dirty Dick.  But when Perry Mason took the stand to defend himself he was able to use the oldest trick in the book: deflection, to bring everyone's attention elsewhere with help from Pisser.  Namely the bottle of beer in the prosecuting counsel's (Hacken Bush's) hand - Efes!  Now, you may be wondering, "why is that important?"  Well, as Pisser pointed out, Hotel Ruch (wisely) doesn't serve Efes (IMHO, no one should!  That stuff tastes like beer that's been squeezed out of a hashit's shorts!), so it must have come from the table of hash beer and was therefore stolen.

The crowd erupted into chants of "we want Hacken Bush" as Party Boy attempted to intercede, after all, if Hacken Bush can be elected Hashit, there's nothing stopping the hash democracy from electing Party Boy himself!  After some arguing back and forth; Hacken Bush and Party Boy vs. Pisser, Hacken Bush gave in under one condition: If one Hash Master is Hashit, all Hash Masters are Hashit!  So sure enough, Hilary, Pisser and Party Boy got their well-deserved beer-showers, putting a perfect end to a great and chaotic hash.

On On!
Solar Erection