KH3 Hash Trash has finally moved into the cyber age and will now be posted as a weblog and if you're reading this, congratulations, you have found it! Hashers can find reviews of the weeks hash as well as other information for all you wankers out there.
Dirty Dick was the hare of this run and you could tell by the convoluted route. The run took us around, over and under Naguru Hill with plenty of check backs and a nice long distance that had many of us hashers finishing after dark, tripping over and into the giant potholes on the road outside the club - can someone please tell an MP to move to the neighborhood so the road can finally be fixed??
Sensing the approach of the end of lent and Easter and believing that all hashers needed to be saved. Dirty Dick had a nice check point right next to some kind of revival (someone may need to explain this to me, as a Jew, "the chosen people," we don't need any reviving!). The hashers started encouraging and egging on the preacher on stage and she thought she finished with us as we ran away but she was not so lucky - there was a check back that brought us right back in front of the stage. Some hashers basked in the "glory" of her raspy, over-screamed voice, and some of us ran faster to get away!
Also spotted on the hash were some (very few) mourning Baganda who showed their solidarity with Buganda by wearing bark cloth or a kanzu. Even some non Baganda showed their true colors - my fellow Hash Scribe himself, Katanga Bbi was seen sporting a bark cloth hat. Makes me wonder how quickly bark cloth disintegrates if sweat in by hashers day after day. Perry Mason's would surely not stand a chance.
Before I continue with the circle nonsense:
*****IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT*****
There will be a charity 10km run for the victims of the Bududa Landslides here are the details:
Where: UMA Show grounds
When: Sunday, April 11th at 7:30am
What to bring: **Please bring clothes to donate for the victims of Bududa Landslides**
***************************************
On to the Circle:
New Comers:
Just Neil from Oxford, Just Charlotte made him come
Just Aaron from New York (where ever that is), Just Daniel made him come
Returnees:
Ebola returned from Moroto where she's formed an NGO to start a hash in Karamoja
Sinners:
Etonyatonya and Pisser's Stripper rushed over to the pitch upon return from the hash to play some sport with a little more "contact"
The aforementioned preacher was overheard saying "It doesn't matter if you're black or white, Jesus will still save you!!!!" Well, Dog Eater is neither black nor white and so she will not be saved...
Galloping Major has given up on drinking beer as it interferes with his study of the Bible
Kamdul was brought into the circle for his fashion statement of a kanzu cinched by a bark cloth belt
**Scribe's Pick**
Since I loved it so much last time, I'm going to do it again!! The scribe's choice for sinner this week is Buffalo Dung. During the down downs, he was, as always, extremely eager to shout "suck, swallow, suck, swallow!" Now, this is irritating in itself, Hashers are to either count or yell "down down down!!" This time, Buffalo Dung in his infinite wit, added "Come!" to his sequence between the swallow and the suck . I am giving him sinner for what has seemed to be (very) premature "ejaculation." Ladies, be sure to make note and take action (or, rather, inaction) accordingly.
Chatterbox, the following people were caught generally chattering in the circle:
Kenny
Nkoddo
Kisanjja
Hashit:
Mechanic for using his vibrating machine (phone) in the circle
Just Kisomose for being a goody goody
But the loser/winner, after some time that all of us were wishing to throw beer in his face: QUEENIE for postponing the triathlon with no actual new date, as if he has the deciding power. Unless Queenie is masquerading as a German muzungu named Fridtjof, I'm pretty sure it wasn't his call...
Here's a call for hashit for next week: Mputa, was unable to tell us where next week's hash would be so I guess you'll all have to wait for the email/SMS!
Run #1367, St. Paddy’s Day Run @ Bubbles O’Leary’s
Hares:Hillary and Stretchmarks
Run #1367 was the annual St. Patrick’s Day run for 2010 and of course our token leprechaun, Hillary, and his trusty IHK sidekick, Stretchmarks, were the hares.The run was shitty as usual with too many hooks and not enough hills but on the plus side there was a hilltop beer stop overlooking the vast yard of Karim that was envied by everyone but the hare himself.Federo was spotted taking a longing look at it, calculating how he could retrieve that parcel of land for Buganda.Toward the end Hash Horn, Dirty Dick was no longer able to mislead the FRBs down false trails just to be checked back, time and time again. When we returned to the pub for some refreshments, some of us found that greedy FRBs and walkers had taken all the fruit but on the plus side Bubbles' management was too incompetent to order Guinness and have it arrive by the day of their big Irish party, fortunately for us, it arrived in time for the hash and hashers were treated to the real stuff - flown in from Erin herself!
Circle
New-comers:
Just Helen, who works for Standard Chartered Bank, Gogolo made her come
Just Martin from Arua made himself come
Just Flavia who didn’t give any details about herself, Hardon made her come
Returnees:
Diggy Ass didn’t want to give us an excuse for her time away so she must have been making babies
No Stick claims to have been working, though we all know that’s not true
Some unknown female muzungu was returning after a long absence and couldn’t even remember her name.Everyone looked to Queenie to remember but he was of no help
Visiting Hashers:
Gorkey Pork from DC Hash came because of the internet but didn’t know any songs to sing for us – what is up DC hash???
-McShorty was also a visiting hasher, I get the feeling that Hillary makes him come every St. Paddy’s day, a bit of a tradition?
Sinners:
Big Balls was caught performing a bit of irrigation for the nice folks of Kololo
Katanga Bbi was wearing a fancy pair of new trainers that looked strangely like loafers
Hash Muzee was actually caught wearing someone else’s new shoes
Idle Balls created his own path on the way down from the 2nd check point
Dr. Hairy Breasts got in trouble for being a cripple
Just Charlotte was brought into the circle for not wearing green
Scribe’s choice – Queenie should’ve been brought into the circle for being illiterate and not following the rules that he, himself sent out.The rules clearly stated that hashers were to wear green, so Queenie decided to wear some beige frock.Clearly UPE has failed him or he holds himself to a different standard than other hashers
Chatterbox:
Just Ali, Just Stacy, and Throbbing Good were chattering in the circle
Knock Knees, Half London Shit and Gogolo were also nominees
Co-hare, Stretchmarks took home the title and the crown for this week’s chatterbox
Hashit:
Slippery When Wet for wearing some really nice shorts
Hash Muzee for running faster than the owner of those shoes he borrowed
Mazongoto for returning to the hash after a long absence and not identifying himself as a returnee
Kapapala for shitting in the circle
And the winner/loser was....TEMANGALO for being immune to any check-backs he encountered
The next hash will be held on March 22nd at Kampala Rugby Club and will be hared by Dirty Dick
Run 1366 – Oasis Restaurant and Bar, Lugogo National Council Building Kampala.
Date: - 8th March 2010 –Women’s Day.
Location; - About two kilometers along the Kampala-Jinja Road, turn off at Shoprite Junction, you just can’t miss it.
Written byKatanga Bbi
Hares; The Hares were Hot Pants, Kwashakor and Nipples who hired the services of veteran hasher Dirty Dick to assist them in setting of the run. Due to a technical fault arising from some miscommunication, it was turned out to be a partly live hare run. Yours truly did not do the run, I just came in at the time when the run had ended so most of this narrative is partly a concoction, but enjoy.
Up Circle; - Wasn’t there.
The Run;-
Didn’t do it, arrived at the venue at the end of the run to see Hashers warming down after the run, adorned with this pinkish ribbon, and the Hares in custom made pink tops. But from what I had about the run, Hackenbush organized a beer stop somewhere around the half way point of the run, where he met this Harriet who helped drive his car back and himself did the run from this beer stop. The Harriet who did this favor is one veteran runner who has competed in several half Marathons around the world including Cincinnati, Florida, etc, plus of course our very own recent 2009 MTN Kampala Marathon’s Half Marathon race. By the way, for this marathon, she claimed that she was completely satisfied with herself after coming in a few seconds before Dirty Dick (who did the Full Marathon) arrived. I will update you on her Hash Handle later. Watch this space. (It might be Loose Comer, but I am yet to confirm this) Other notable rumors that I heard about this run included Dirty Dick’s remarks that “Oyo Mukyala Kilabika ssi Mwangu!”, (literally meaning that ‘It seems that that lady is not so easy”, referring to one of the Hariette’s of the day that he had helped mark the run with. he claimed that at many stages during the marking of the run, he would advise her that the best thing for all would be to go down, she always chose to go up, other times it would have made more sense to go in she insisted to go out. It was beginning to sound like a twenty toes argument so I left it at that.
Overall, many of the w*****rs whom I asked about the run said it was very long! Apparently, since the day was a public Holiday, the run started at 5:00 pm or there about, but you cannot believe that many Hashers were returning around 6:50 pm.
The circle.
At least I was there for the circle, so this bit is based on eye witness accounts. The Circle was conducted mostly by Hackenbush, at the verandah of oasis Restaurant, overlooking the lash green turf of the Lugogo Cricket oval, He was assisted by Queenie, the Hash beers, who by the way promised me a beer, but never made up on that promise. A beer was going for a shocking high 3,000/= (about 1 and a half dollars). A little bit steeper than the regular 2,500/= or more preferred 2K. Anyway, I will not complain about that.
Ugly Faces; -
Among the newcomers and returnees, we had Bwindi who is somehow connected with Addis Ababa and Bangladesh, Benon, a Kampala Based Businessman who was made to come by Saddam, Nakitende Dinah, Macho, Frida Nsubuga a returnee who has been based in the dense valleys of Congo, we had a song by the visiting Hasher(see photos), that was in English English, not Ugandan English so I missedmost of it. However, the few words that I heard include
I am a Jolly hasher
I met a jolly Harriet
Well you are jolly Hasher
And well we are two jolly Hashers etc.
Sounded like B*****t to me anyway.
Sinners; Among the sinners on this day were Loose Comer, Foxy, Dirty Dick, Big Ball and Mugole who things ht I do not remember now. New Shoes we had Big Balls, and yours truly who came in office shoes and had to taste the frothy stuff with all that Carbon. Yuck!! I hope you know what carbon is . . .Not the real carbon as in global warming, but something called Carbon-mu-gere meaning that nice smelling perfume that your shoes and toes produce after you have been walking around them the whole day. We also had another new Shoes in land Lord. Nipples instantly made herself a sinner when she got on to the empty crate that we use to make announcements on. I could call this a hash radio but that this could turn out to be a stale joke. Any way any way anyway . . Let’s continue . . . Nipples accused the hash Master of being Sexist when he only recognized the winner of the 7 Hills runs that is the male winner only, and forgot to recognize the first female who crossed the finishing point first. (Not the use of words twice, but don’t worry too much about it) Anyway she said this was a strange anomaly and called upon the hashes for redress. Of course you all know won the 7Hills run Female version – it was Nipples in a time of 1:49:45 second for the 19.3 KM uphill then downward run.
Announcements; Announcements made on that day included next week’s run due to take place at Bubbles O’Leary, (actually, as I write this, this run did take place so this is more of a historical article than anything else. It was a t. Patrick’s day run, which Hillary explained to me that it is held in Commemoration of St. Patrick who brought Christianity to Ireland long long ago.
Chatterboxes; - I missed recording this part completely; you see I was so distracted by Kwash who was showing me how to use my camera better. He flash had refused to go on and we were busy trying to figure out a way to get it back on. It’s a long story, but anyway, I did not get the name of the Chatter box.
Hashshit;- The winner of this most prestigious prize was Buffalo Dung who was nabbed because he was continually shouting out Crucify him aimed towards Dip Stick who too was a nominee for this award and Nipples the third nominee for this most prestigious award after her earlier transgression involving the Hash master and his alleged sexism.
Dinner
The Circle ended at about 8:00 pm and it was dinner time. Dinner was composed of Boiled rice and beef. Actually earlier before the circle, Hot pants, the Hash Mattress indicated to me that she was a little disappointed with the turn up today as we had barely broken the 70 mark and yet we had made an order for more than 120 plates. So you can imagine that the extra meat that was left un attended too. Hash Flash, Rip Off must have taken home a lot of left over for his dogs to feast on that day. He usually collects them. The cause for the lower turn up might be attributed to the rains that had threatened to spoil the day for us or the huge crack down that is going on those who do not pay. The majority of us had our dinner in that hall under the National Council office, where Hash Master Party Boy surprised us with an impromptu karaoke session. You should have been there. It was so hilarious I am still laughing.
Karaoke
A form of entertainment, offered typically by bars and night Clubs, in which people take turns to sing popular songs into a microphone over pre-recorded backing tracks`- Oxford Dictionary of English. Now I am beginning to know why he is called Party Boy, He surely does know how to get a party going. We had a Karaoke session just after dinner and first one to have a go at it was Kwash who scored 80 and came back a second time to score an amazing 86. The race was over before it even begun. Next to take on the mic was Buffalo Dung who scored 77 and then 86. Meanwhile, I was still amazed at how well those people were working the mic, hash master insisted that I give it a try, and I went to look out for the ka- book that contains the numbers to the songs. I really wanted to try out the very popular Paulo Kafeero’s classical song “Bladina Ndibakowa”, but the book did not have this song, so I settled for UB 40’s Kingston Town where I got 77 then Phil Collin’s Another day in paradise where I scored 79 and then to crown it all, I did Elton John’s Sacrifice where, believe it or not, I scored an outstanding 90. IO felt like releasing a Hit Single on the Spot, the new Chameleon, probably calling myself something like Katanga-meleon or something. Any way, anyway, anyway, the Karaoke had to go on. We had Porn Master who sang ‘Physical’ get Physical etc. song and he scored 72 for his brilliant effort, although the song simply has too many words I think, we had Dick Chopper who asked for “Macarena”, only problem that the song has is that it comes in Spanish or Portuguese and as you know, the problem is that Dick Chopper does not know a single word of those languages. So there she was waiting for the only words that she knew. . that part where they say “Eeeeeeh Macarena’. She ran away from the microphone, and then returned to it. In the end she scored 21. This was the lowest points scored for the evening. The music industry is tough business my dear friend. Then to crown it all, we had the indefatigable Dayo who came to the mic with all of this 897 runs showing, smiling ear to ear as usual. He first scored 41 then later scored 33 with the hit single My Endless Love. You should have been there to witness this, however, a picture speaks a thousand words. Overall it was a night to remember.
Location:- Harvester Pub, 100m from the American Embassy along the Nsambya –Kabalagala Road.
Written by;- Katanga Bbi
Hares;- The official hare is usually , Dayo but on this run it’s the mismanagement team that comes to work closely together so the hare is assisted by MMC volunteers like Queenie, Dorotia and her daughter, Party Boy, Hot Pants, Sunset Stripper, etc. Kudos to all of you, you made it memorable.
Up Circle;- The Up circle, also called the first circle before the run begins was held under the auspices of Hash Master Party Boy, in the company of two police officers, one of whom announced that there was a heavy police presence to provide extra security to the runners along the way. Hash master advised us to not litter the beautiful city of Mayor Ssebagala. He advised us to carry the used water bottles and the banana peels to the finishing point. . . Fat chance of that happening as one empty tin of mineral water will weigh at least one ton and a half on a run like this.
The Run; Starting time was 6:45 am but the run proper kicked off at about 7:02 am. The start was a little bit slow generally, but I saw the usual suspected FRBs like Checked out, Idris Bukosi (CityTyres Team mercenary), Parasite, Sonko etc, rushing forward to take care of the business side of the race. Some us, me, specifically, know what to do with such runs, knowing our places in the race just settled into the smooth pace-yourself-well-till-the-end mode. The day having started off with a cloudy morning, allowed us to have a generally cool run. Starting numbers were about 200 or so.
Highlights of the run;
Did you know that the run 7 seven Hills run has changed slightly from the earlier versions? especially having to climb the whole Kibuli Hill, till the summit of the mosque and going down via some steps from Kibuli mosque to land at the Rail way crossings thereby cutting off the Mukwano Road section that we used to run in earlier versions this the run.
The was a slight detour around the soon to be completed Hilton Hotel perimeter for obvious reasons. The rest of the run from there on is was basically the usual seven Hills. The lucky few, who have got GPS connected Watches estimated the distance to between 19.2 – 19.3 KM. Pisser had it at 19.3, while Queenie had it at 19.3, hoping that none of them short cutted this could have bee nthe actual distance run.
There were about four water points, at each of the 7 Hill there was a check point where one could receive a ribbon, uniquely color to this check point. At one check point there was a banana stop. This provided some welcome relief to the hunger pangs that were beginning to bit at the top of Rubaga Hill.
Among the notable late comers were Mupakasi, Pisser and one very first FRB who just flew past us. Pisser attributed his lateness to a late night meeting that he had had with a Mr. Jack Daniels the previous evening. For Mupakasi, I am yet to find out, but it’s possible he might have been in the same meeting. Apparently Kabuki too had attended this meeting but managed some how to respond to the alarm.
The circle. The circle conducted by GMs thanked the sponsors of the run like Rwenzori beverages who provided all Rwenzori Mineral water that we had during the run, Parambot Breweries who provided 15 crates of beer and a few extra ones that came in at a point that I lost count, and Case Clinic which provided an ambulance that was barely used during the entire exercise. It’s the thought that counts, thanks for all, we appreciate, come back next year.
Ugly Faces; lots of ugly faces we had that day that we did not feel it necessary to invite them to come forth to have personal intros. There is always next time.
Sinners;Loose Comer for something I did not get, Nipples for being the fastest female finisher (1:49:45), Checked Out for carrying out a similar feat on the boys end (1:09:56), other sinners were Fancy Pants, Peeping, Kabuki for late coming, and of course when one GM drinks, all the GMs get to drink so Arrow Girl, Dorotia, Hackenbush got into the mix here. Other sinners were Small Hole, Slippery When Wet, and his Dad, Hash Muzeeyi, and two ugly faces, Wako George and Anzoa Harriet. Other winners included Virus and Temangalo for Advertising MTN, yet the run had different sponsors.
Announcements; Announcements made on that day included the following day’s run which was due to take place on Monday 8th March 2010, at the Lugogo Cricket Oval, Oasis Club. Other announcements included the deadline for the Kooching World interhash 2010, in Malaysia. The Deadline for the payment of at least $500 US Dollars as commitment fee for the Interhash is this Wednesday, 10th March 2010. Register with the Hash cash. (Those of you who want to have a huge discount can register with Conman at midnight on any given week day. He will give you a ticket to the venue, all printed and prepared at Nasser Road.
Location; - Branch off at Lubowa, along the Kampala – Entebbe Road, about 100M before the Roofings factory. Right turn into the valley, walk or drive just about 150 meters.
Written by Katanga Bbi
Hares;
The official Hares were Muchira and Sekachira who hired the services of Buffalo Dung as the mercenary Hare.
Up Circle;- The Up circle, also called the first circle before the run begins was help under the auspices of Hash Master Party Boy, with Assistance from Hash Beers who had earlier conducted a search for new shoes which managed to net Hash Mattress; Hot Pants and Mukyala showing off their new shoes. Mukyala tried to defend herself by saying that the shoes were not new but Land Lord could have nothing of this as he insisted that they indeed were new shoes. So they did perform a down down with their new shoes. Hackenbush made it even taste better for Hot Pants as he filtered the beer through her new socks! Arghhh!?, And of course, Queenie was there at the beginning of the circle to surprise random hasher with the what’s the run number business. He netted two who did not know what run number it was they were Filbert (I did not get his hash handle) and Kwash. Announcements were made at the Up circle, The 7th March 2010 KH37 Hills run is on, and basically we are just six days away. First 50 people to register will have their times electronically and digitally recorded by an internationally recognized electronic timer. I should say this might improve on previous timed runs like the just concluded M/s Pisser and Associates timed Kaazi Run where the total amount of Chaos or Kavuyo that the timer at the end of the run was is simply un… unthinkable!. Dirty Dick had the best time, yet he had come in about twelfth or fifteenth position, etc. Eventually the matter had to be decided by approaximation. To try and get the true picture of what happened, some of us were subjected to questions like “was Warm beer in front of you or behind you ” or “did Mupakasi overtake you towards the close of the run?” etc. And that is just the time of the Ice berg. Anyway, back to the present. The seven Hills run is going to be Sponsored by Parambot Breweries the Manufacturers/brewers of the famous Moonberg Lager. Lots of free goodies like T-shirts before the run, lots of water points during the run, an Ambulance to take care of those ones who might injure themselves because of the run, Prizes for the best and worst finishers etc. Run starts at 6:45 am, strictly 6:45 am. So be there at least thirty minutes to the start. Harvester Pub is the starting point. It is located just next to the American Embassy along the Nsambya-Kabalagala road.
The Run;
The day having been a rainy Monday morning assured us of a somewhat muddy trail, and kicked off with a random seeming run around the perimeter of Solace Gardens with lots of check backs. The first check point was located at just across the entrance to The Roofings Factory. The second check point was located mid way the Hill that goes to that very big brown house, which Federo reminded me that it actually was not a residential house but a Church. It can be seen from the main road for miles along the main road. Actually this is where the third check point was to be located. A top this hill. Overall, a part from this being a walker’s run, there was nothing significant or worth mentioning about the run. A real bore it was really. But wait a minute, there was a Beer stop at the second check point and a whole crate of icy, cold Moonberg Lager was consumed by the hashers. The Beer Stop was courtesy of the hares, Muchira, Sekachira and Buffalo Dung. Cheers to you for this treat.
The circle.
The Circle was conducted by the hash master Party Boy and a couple of Returnees and Ugly faces were in attendance; Dirty Dick was first of all nailed by Queenie for not knowing any hash Song. He actually knows the Hash Songs but was totally disorganized/distracted throughout this run by some chick/chicken from Nairobery the entire day(they say she had along the way to clear some unfinished business) We shall get to the details of that later. Ugly Faces; Among the newcomers and retrunees, we had Jackie who was made to come by Alexis, John Bazanye, a sign Artist who works at Nasser Road, actually, he gave me his business card and I should be using his opportunity to advertise him but I lost it. Anyway, let me look for it. . . . I can’t find it . . .may be next time. Others were; Chicken from Nairobery, Slippery When wet did get somehow involved at this stage, either he is the one who got John Bazanye to come or something, a Hasher called Johny, who was made to come by Jade, ah actually, Slippey when wet (Jade)made John come. I got that right for once. John by the way has hashed in Cameroun, Haiti, and Ghana. So its okay for him to say that he has ever been “in outside countries”. Others were Broiler who is returning from a study leave, Condom Use (CU) who has been away for some time. She hates it when you call her Condom Use so please do her a favor and refer to her as “CU”.
Sinners;
pulling his balls or should I say b****s. I didi not get the name of this one. Buffalo Dung was caught for continually whistling throughout the run. Hackenbush seriously warned him that this is not hash tradition, leave the whistles to the boy scouts, traffic Police etc., so hear that word of advice, ‘ no more Whistles’. Johny too was grabbed whistling and given a down down, actually this might just have been a ploy to get him enjoy our KH3 hospitality. Mpuuta was seen irrigating the lush green of Lubowa and given the down down. Rip off was a sinner because he mentioned something about the run that was not so palatable with someone. There is this Hasher who was given a sinner’s down down called Mayanja john. Apparently, he has hashed, with about 38 runs at the last count, and he has never been baptized. So someone important out there please do something about him. Other sinners were kabuki and Big Balls for seeking for higher office when one of them had just been running the highest office in the Land (Being Hash Master). Apparently, Big Ball had been gunning for the office of Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of Cricket in Uganda. He got that one, he says, the job comes with perks such as flying First Class when the rest of the Players are travelling economy or worse by bus, In Uganda, you can say. “He fell in things”. Kabuki tried to shock one of our very own hashers by doing a last minute coup d’état on him as the chairperson of Cricket in Uganda. But the fella proved to be too STEADY for such cheap tricks. On On.
Announcements; Announcements made on that day included The Seven Hills Run due to take place on 7th March 2010, Harvester pub. Next week’s run will take place at Former Indoor Stadium in Lugogo. This one you do not need directions. Once again, Mpuuta the Hare raiser kindly request you to be a good Hasher and volunteer to host a run. Please, we do need Hare. Sign up today, or at the next run with Mpuuta.
Chatterboxes;- Three suspects were nominated for Chatter boxes; Kwash, Pap Smear and Nipples from Silicone Valley. Nipples is threatening to break the seven hills record, as she is continuously torturing the Front Running bastards (FRBs) with her surging runs. Pap Smear won this award with an outstanding Obama-like victory Hashshit;- The Nominees for the most prestigious award were;- Dirty Dick and Chicken from Nairobery. Apparently, after the Naivasha Relay 2009, there was some circus as DD kept on dodging Chicken the whole night through, with Chicken wanting something sweeter than Kuku and DD not wanting to provide it. So Chicken had travelled all the way more than 800 KM to Kampala to get her things. DD became an instant candidate for Hashit. Others were, two regular female hashers we have all along been thinking that the hash is for free, or that some rich man from Kayunga (a District in Central Uganda)is bankrolling the hash or that they can hash and not pay and then imagine that nobody knows that they are ripping us off, time caught up with them. They were Ayimayima and another called Joan. It was so embarrassing, they could have wished to have the ground open up and swallow them. The third nominee was Kangaroo Crap for fasting the precious beer during the Christian Season of Lent. The Winner was, of course you know, the two ladies who do not pay! (Don’t say that I did not warn you. Perry Mason is engineering a huge crack down going on those who do not want to pay our precious 7K for the run, food, mineral water, fruits, chalk etc that we enjoy at the run so stand warned, we know who you are, you can run but you cannot hide).
Dinner and Roundup
The Circle ended at about 8:00 pm and it was dinner time. Dinner was composed of the deliciously different Sausages, chips, Fried chicken, and some P one G chops. Everyone got something to eat, almost every one, the hash master almost missed out as he came in at the last moment. He had to share a plate with Muchira and one of the people who served us. It was a bit of a chilly night and many people including yours truly took off just before 9:00 pm.
Lest I forget,
Pap Smear, Kwash and Nipples have volunteered to forward some interesting Jokes and cartoons to make this blog much more active and lively. Pisser has got a specialized pair of shoes ideal for running in muddy terrain, so the next time you notice pisser cruising past you by on muddy terrain, blame your shoes, his shoes and not yourself. Bin Laden has thanked you all for getting the blog idea off the ground. He is a silent but avid spectator to the blog, that should cheer you up. Johnny walker slogan , keep On Walking. Photos of the last week’s run were posted to me by Rip off, but I am having a really hard time getting them uploaded on the blog. Why shall I do? ;-)
And finally, Dirty Dick informs me that the Monday Run will be starting at 5:00 pm instead of the usual 6:00 pm on Monday 8th March 2010, because it is a public Holiday (Men's day) so watch out for the earlier start.
Run 1363, KH3Run 1363 – Graceland Gardens Hotel, Bbunga. Location; Just opposite Okapi Gallery, along the Kampala-Ggaba Hares; The Hare was Mpuuta, who is now fast learning how tough the job of being Hare Raiser is. After the circle, you could not mistake the pleas of “I need Hares please” for subsequent runs. So please, just do your bit and volunteer to host a run by booking your date as early as possible. The 2010 KH3 Calendar is out and getting filled put so fast so do your bit. The Run; The day happened to be like one of those rainy days from a rainy hell, It started raining from the early hours of the morning til some time about 4;00 pm. Throughout the day, my thoughts went out to the unfortunate hare would have to mark the trail in this non-stop, annoying drizzle. Due to a technical problem , involving one Hasher forgetting to pack her Hash shorts, for the second time at the same venue, I had to hunt these shorts from the Red light narrow corridors of Kablagala, a very popular hunting ground for u know what and believe me you the place was steaming with activity. But that too is a story for another day. The Hunt for shorts (which we failed to get by the way), ensured that I missed first circle, and the start of the run and had to do a Federo-like chase to get in touch with the rest of the runners. (Federo of course being a regular late comer at the hash, has perfected the art of chasing. I missed the first Check point, but not the second. Among the Honorable chasers of the pack that day was Baby Hen, Kilavu lavu, and this honorable gentle man with glasses (see photo) I forget his name, whom the
Little kids that we met along the way kept on shouting out things like Bin laden etc, and of course Dirty Dick who reached the second check point and attempted a Martina like manouever by running past the check point before the Hashers had been let go. Martina is that FRB from the bad Boys Team of Nairobery who was so fast that at the last leg of The prestigious Annual Jinja Relay, he passed by Jinja and almost ended up in Iganga, a Town miles away from Jinja. Passing the Timing car regulars is his first hobby l\he bragged to us later. Anyway, back to the issues, second check point was on top of a hill in Buziga. By this time, a number of us had somehow managed to keep our shoes mud free, with Stretch Marks being the leader among the cleanest ones then, and Hackenbush being the leader on the other side. But as you all know, what goes up must come down. The next section was interesting to say the least. A run downwards to the main road, using the muddiest road that many of you will ever get the chance run on. I t was real muddy, and it showed at the third check point – this was really a fake/artificial check point as there was no mark indicating the check point. Trust Hackenbush again during this decent, whenever he would pass by a couple of goody goodies going downhill, trying to be as neat as tidy as possible, he would cause the most ………………… There is a word that I should be using here, but you will help me out. The word should mean ‘running while you are trying to splash as much water and muddy as you can to anyone within striking distance, targeting small ponds made by the rain water and going directly for them with the intention of splashing this water on anyone within range. There was quite a bit of that after the third check point. The last section was a very long gentle uphill run about a kilometer and a half long all the way from the base of the Hill to the hash venue. Upon reaching the Hash venue, we realized that not a single Walker had made it back by then. Someone suggested that we should indeed eat all the fruits and drink all the water before the Walkers arrive, as a way of making them has a taste of their own medicine. This sound like a good idea but the fruits and the water we a little bit too much, we could not finish them. In any case, the total turn up was not the usual 100 plus registered hashers. It was about just below 75. The circle. The Circle was conducted by the hash master Party Boy and a couple of Ugly faces were in attendance, most notable among whom was the late GM Pocahontas, who I had seen earlier with two T-shirts and had unsuccessfully tried to ask for one of them from him. The other new comers were Stella from Great Britain, Leah and Maura from Wisconsin both Visiting Solar Erection. An announcement was made about Juba HHH, who will be celebrating their 200th Run on Saturday 27th February 2010. Please Contact hash Cash for details. Sinners; Included hash Muzeeyi for telling someone I will do you, you will do me. I don’t know exactly what they meant over there. Kwashakior for peeping at hash Muzeeyi while he was irrigating the grasslands of Buziga. Licking Balls for sending a text message while he has in the circle. Pisser nominated Dirty Dick (DD) for spending the longest time dressing in his car. The previous record was 8 minutes which was held by I don’t remember who but Dirty dick’s time was staggering 15 Minutes. The reason for this pisser said, must have been the incredibly large amount of pants that he was putting on. . .or off. (Remember the Waragi Team presentation at the Hash bash 2007 where DD‘s act was to put off some many of them). We were dancing to the famous song Zangalewa. It seems like such a long time ago. Other Sinners were Federo for peeping at something, Land lord for dressing like an Astronaut enroute to the NASA space station in Houston Texas, with the complete astronaut kit missing only a helmet. Announcements; Among the announcements made on that day were The Seven Hills Run due to take place on 7th March 2010. (just over one week away). Lots of volunteers are needed for the seven Hills so please feel free to volunteer . (Contact Mpuuta for details on how you can volunteer). Next week’s run will take place at Solace Gardens Lubowa. The turn off is at Roofings Industries move uphill for about one K, and somewhere opposite the Shopping Mall is where you might find Solace. This info is subject to confirmation by the Hare Raiser by the way, so take it with a grain of sand or salt whichever it may be. There was a special moment involving former Hash master GM Pocahontas, who is presently running with the Nairobery Hash House Harriers. It started with a little tension as the W**kers worried about their mobile phones, wallets pockets etc. (You all know how Nairobery is all robbery). So he proceeded to offer a T-shirt which was deemed too clean to The Hash Master Party Boy and one to Queenie, for generally being a pain in the A*** to us all the time. Both T-shirts were washed by the hashers’ clean shoes, and of course when one Hash Master Drinks, all Hash Masters drink, so there was a round of drinks for all present GMs and hash Mattresses. They broke the down down record as they cleared their glasses in approximately 3 – 4 seconds. Chatterboxes;- Once again, Dirty Dick nailed down Tiny Sausage for repeatedly using the “F” Word during the run, he became a nominee for Chatterbox. Other nominees for Chatterboxes were Dayo, Solar Erection and Etonyatonya. You should have been there to hear Hackenbush trying to pronounce “Etonyatonya”. Hashshit;- The Nominees for the most prestigious award were;- Peeping Dick for stealing a bottle of soda from our down downs, A goody goody hasher called Rough Rider for not knowing any hash song never having done anything wrong. And one other hasher for something I did not get. The award went to Peeping Dick. The Circle ended at about 8:10 pm and it was dinner time. As usual, we were the very last to leave, me and a couple of Hashers including Pisser, EtonyaTonya, Pisser’s Stripper, Dick Chopper, Septic Tonku, stayed around to outlast the night. He told us a story that I had to confirm from the Internet, Par t of it is true, there other part we are yet to find out. But here it goes. In 1974, at the 10th British Commonwealth Games Commonwealth Games held in Christchurch New Zealand, The Republic of Uganda Team won a bronze medal in the 4x400m relay, behind the eventual Gold Medalists from Kenya and The British Team that won silver. One of the runners on this bronze medal winning team is a former Hasher, names to be disclosed, but they say he used to be as fast as an Antelope. Anyways, the same runner, at the prime of his athletics peak, lined up with the likes of Kabuki, at the Makerere University Inter-Hall Atheletics Finals, surely anticipating an easy win. But believe it or not. There was a major upset on that day as Kabuki who was running on the outside lane, used the famous “Catch me if you can’ system, taking off so fast that by the time the athletes reached the finishing Ribbon, he was still ahead and dipped on the line before anyone else emerging a shocking winner of this event. This second part I am yet to verify but, if some one out there could send us a more accurate recount of this tale, its would be quiet interesting. Any any, any way any way, . . . On On! Katanga Bbi. FYI;- Perry Mason is compiling a list of flukers, or call them reknown gate crashers; who are basically people who come to the Hash and enjoy our runs, beer stops, fruits, mineral water and sometimes food and then they leave without paying the mandatory 7K. The list is almost ready, its just that he was complaining about not getting the book or something from the hash Cash to confirm his finding. So watch this space.
It was that time of year again folks, the time for clowns on parade, well at least that's how I felt being ogled by the boda drivers as they near crashed turning around to get another look at the strange group of w***ers running through the streets in red dresses - well at least the TRUE hashers were wearing dresses. I saw many people pretending to be true hashers - wearing red t-shirts. To them I say NO CHANCE! I saw some people wearing pink or orange (or blue Ripoff)and not red. To them I say: the hash discriminates on the basis of color - the name of the run was the Red Dress Run!!! This year's Red Dress Run brought us back to the Wallet Time Pub in Rubaga where the bartenders are deaf from the loud music.
Kangaroo Crap, Buffalo Dung and Katanga Bbi mugging for the camera with Pisser in the background Our illustrious hares: Perry Mason, Conman, Measles and Mupakasi, while they weren't able to make a single check-back on the run, they did provide some neat-o red bandannas for registered hashers, so we'll forgive them this time.
New-comers: Only ladies this time...
Just Patricia from Bugolobi was made to come by Pisser Stripper
Just Deborah informed us that she works for UBOS and is not available
Hillary was busy making both Me Too You and Juju from Kigali Hash come
Just Charles made Just Doreen come and she's only a student (UPE)
Kisanja made Just Priscilla come - she's also a student
Sinners: The hares brought some very interesting down-down games to the circle this week, assisted drinking along with those tubes to keep sinners' arms straight during their down downs.
Last week's Chatterbox: Just Laura
Kigelo, Just Allie and Loose Comer got in trouble for some VERY kinky stuff - group sex and shitting in the circle!
Hacken Bush had gone for some gonja in the previous week only to find his delicious snack wrapped in an ancient issue of the Monitor (from 1998!) and who did he find staring back at him but a strapping young, bearded Hillary!
Ripoff and Toilet Window didn't even bother to wear a single piece of RED to the Red Dress Run
Just Charlotte reversed her car into another car @IHK
Gaddafi had a birthday and tried to hide it from the Hash
As usual we had a competition for best dressed. A few men were in the running; Kigelo, Dayo, Queenie, Kangaroo Crap and Buffalo Dung. Kigelo managed to win quite easily by showing a hairy nipple or two.
On the women's side there was no competition. Everyone loved Kwashiorkor's look - her shorts matched her skin making it look as if she was running pantsless!! Later on she would try to get everyone to care that she has been hashing for a full year, no one really cared.
In the middle of everything, it was decided that because Kigelo's look on this Red Dress Run was so provocative and so lovely that he should be re-baptized to honor the day. A new handle of Hairy Breasts was chosen, though he will also answer to Dr. Hairy Breasts, especially if you see him in the halls of IHK or Mulago!
Chatterbox - the honor of the crown (jester's hat) was bestowed upon Dry Climax
Hacken Bush was baptism happy this particular day because besides re-baptizing Dr. Hairy Breasts he decided to baptize Just Sarah and the name bestowed upon her by the authority of the Hash is Septic Tonku!
Wide Load, Dick Chopper and Peeping Dick were too fast for this photographer!
Hashit - The nominees included Muchira for not dressing like a woman, Dry Climax for pouring beer on our precious Chatterbox hat durring her down down. But the winners were:
Mputa for not running and Hardon for chatting throughout the circle. And if I have my way, they'll both get Hashit for a month because of the beer shower they gave me as I was trying to perform my hash scribe-ly duties!
Next weeks hash will be held at Graceland near Okapi on Gaba Road
DON'T FORGET: The Annual 7 Hills Run is slated to take place the first weekend in March, make sure to train your running and beer-drinking stamina!
