Kuching Interhash 2010

Hey Guys,

Never mind we are just 5 hours ahead of you and it appears all is well with the 30 strong Ugandan team here in warm and humid Kuching save for a few ambushes here and there. But that  will be a story for another day. The more than 24 hours trip was not without incident as a few of the Ugandan hashers and hashettes were threatened with a quarantine at Kuala Lumpar airport on account of having no vaccination certificates. It is not known whether it's the looks of Hot Pants that set off the alarm bells of the immigration police at KL fearing she had brought in yellow fever. Anyway all is well that ends well. They used a combination of Ugandan wit and a few phone calls to Case clinic in Kampala to have the whole thing cleared up and after a few hours the confined contingent joined us.

Kuching is difficult to describe. Suffice it to say it to say that it is warm and humid, a lot more organised and much cleaner than our own 'developing' Kampala. Although it rained cats and dogs over us during the Red Dress run yesterday one did not need to cover her/himself up to keep out the chill as we were sweating like pigs as soon as it stopped raining.  Compare that with the Kampala chilly evenings whenever it rains.

The sreets are well paved and nothing of the chaos, dust and noise characteristic of Ugandan towns. KH3 should sponsor Seya for a fact finding tour here. Tourism appears to be the mainstay of this Malaysian island and there are a number of new sky scraper buildings  housing hotels and banks and adding a new dimension to the quiet and calm of the city.

It's a bigger turn up of hashers than was the case in the 2008 Perth Interhash, about 6000 wankers from all corners of the world. They bring  untold amusement to the otherwise laid back Kuching residents especially the school kids that were bewildered and amazed by the quaint red dress attire yesterday.

The stories are many but we will catch up next time. A few of the pictures so far........

On On

Rip off

Hi Guys,

The winners appeared to be the losers yesterday when Indonesia Java was announced the next venue for the Interhash 2012 closely edging out the Kenya bid. There was sustained protest booing practically drowning out the announcement and not a word of the Indonesiaians acceptance speech could come through.

The resentnent was due to the fact that we have had three Interashers in row in the same Asian zone after Chiand mai, Perth ad Kuching.

In the end the Kenya head of delagation Mr Hen said they woluld work out a compromised with Indonesians and inded Kenya would host a hash event in  Mombasa in 2012. That was greeted with loud applause and many were heard to saying that they would travel to kenya and not to Indonesia for 2012.

Otherwise the Kuching Interhas ended well although my trail had two arm fractures yeasterday due to the wet,hilly,  treacherous and slippery trail. I have done well over 350 hashes in my life and never have I been gripped with the fear of going home on stretcher as I did these trails. 

If you went to the Stanbic Bank Sipi run you will bear me witness.

All is well that ends well and Kuching ended well and will best be  remembered for the soggy bamboo forest trails that only  allowed even hardiest runners just but little trot most of the way.

Happy to report that all the Ugandan team is in good shape and soem are are headed home while others are off to  explore what  makes China tick including Guand Zhou Shanghai etc.

Warm greetings from Hash Mzee, Mrs  and Mr Bean

On On Ripoff

S/He's the Meanest

In case any of you want to study up, here are the lyrics to one of the great down-down songs that Blow Back has introduced:

He (or She)'s the Meanest

He's the meanest
He sucks the horse's penis
He's the meanest, he's the horse's ass

Ever since he found it
All he does is pound it

He's the meanest, he's the horse's ass

Hash #1386 - Victoria Hotel

Location - way the hell down Gaba road, ok, almost to Gaba
Hares - Tutu and Defaulter

This hash was an interesting one for me - I had just returned from Gulu and being the dedicated hasher that I am, I drove directly to the hash.  As we have all learned, for any hash that is down Gaba Road or Entebbe Road, you need to leave town by 3pm to beat Kampala traffic.  Yep, I was chasing.  I was chasing nearly the entire hash.  Luckily the Buziga villagers were friendly and between falling off their stools laughing at the muzungu and telling me that I was last, were able to manage a point in the direction I was to go.  I finally caught up with some hashers as we were nearing the On In, but as to what happened at the check points and the rest of the run, I'll have to use my imagination - if anything interesting did happen, feel free to write it in the comments.

When we were all back we enjoyed a circle that saw down-downs for the two hares - Tutu and Defaulter - before we recognized the...

New Comers and Returnees:

• Just Kelly is working with Refugee Law Project and Just Andrew made her come
• Just Brian works for DFCU and Just Alice made him come
• Just Prossy is a teacher in Lugazi (yeah, I don't know how the hell she made it to Gaba in time) and she is apparently an avid masturbator because she said that she made herself come

• No Money made her return after being lost for quite a while, claiming that she was returning from Mulago's Labor Ward
• Sad Term said that she has been lost in France

At that moment, Hacken Bush requested a song from Blow Back - the one he's been working on introducing about a guy named Joe who works at a Moonberg Brewery.  Apparently this guy Joe's life really sucks, his boss is always asking him to push all these buttons simultaneously, his kids are both wa**ers and he has some mental disorder that has him constantly introducing and re-introducing himself...  Anyway, all the hashers had a lot of fun with it, especially Blow Back himself who seems to be nearly having an epileptic fit as he pushed everyone's buttons, as usual.

Sinners:

• When Hacken Bush tried to pull his vehicle into Victoria Hotel's parking lot, he was turned away and told that only VIPs were allowed to park there.  After re-arriving at the venue, he looked around and noticed an army vehicle parked comfortably in front of the hotel - Galloping Major could not be found so a look-alike was taken in his place - Small Balls
• Toilet Window and Sad Term were caught making "strange noises"
• Just Abe was caught having sex on the hash as well as being involved in some kind of boda-boda accident
• Blow Back came into the circle to tell the group a little story about Just Mark: on the way to the evening's hash, Just Mark was seen to be applying a liberal amount of vaseline to his feet before putting on his shoes - apparently he has extremely soft and fragile feet that are having a hard time handling the hash.  When he finished this application of lubrication, he was left with vaseline covering his hands, so what did he do with it???  He put it in his hair of course!!!  The mixture of vaseline and dust that coated his hair at the end of the hash was something that it likely took at least 5 washings to start to clean.

We were pleasantly surprised that the last sinner story lead to a Hash Baptism!  Just Mark, because of his choice in hair products, or rather his choice in vaseline disposal, was given some handle options like Lubri-cunt but in the end, Comes Alone is the name that the Kampala Hash House Harriers decided on for him.

Chatterbox: Bastard - really no interesting story to go with this one...  he was talking.

Hashit

• Because of the NRM conference that was going on, anyone wearing yellow was brought into the circle, including Sad Term, No Money, Monique, Tutu and Dry Climax.  MTN shirts were eventually forgiven
• Dry Climax was also in for chatting up a boda boda
• The Hares: Tutu and Defaulter for leaving two people on the trail

Because she was brought in for two different offences Dry Climax took the cake - or beer shower as it were. Like the true hasher she is, she drank every drop of her down-down even as the rest of the circle showered her with beer, water and soda.  On! On! Dry Climax

The next hash is held at Iguana in Kisementi

On! On!

Solar Erection

Run 1385 - Buddies

Run 1385 – Buddies Restaurant, Bar and Night Club
Location; - About 500 Meters before you reach the Ntinda Trading Centre as you approach from Bukoto.
Hare; - Kifulugunyu aided by Karamojong Warrior
Date: - Monday 28th June 2010
Written by Katanga Bbi
Joke: I will probably start this blog posting with a joke that I heard recently, It could have been a true story but, we will probably never Know; Anyway, here it goes,
Our dear country Uganda has passed through a very interesting History. In 1985 there was a Military coup that disposed of the government of Dr. Appollo Milton Obote, who had been facing severe pressure from the guerrillas of the NRA who were by then still fighting for our freedom and democratic principles in the “bush”. Anyway, when the Military Men of Obote’s government took over power from him in what they called a bloodless Coup d’état, they handed over the Presidency to Lft. General Tito Okello Lutwa. Needless to say, Lutwa was more surprised than anyone else about this sudden “falling into things”. Actually he once confessed to the public that when ‘they” told him that he was to be the next head of State he responded thus. . . “They told me that, Eh Lutwa, you are going to be the next pregident of Uganda. I said . . . “Alo?!, Aaah!!” . . . You should hear that with the original accent it so hilarious. . . . Anyway, the gentleman was a little bit challenged in the arts or skill of using the Queen’s language as we were later to realize. Anyway, the story goes thus:
On the First day of assuming this prestigious office, he got a call early morning from His Royal Highness, the King of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, King Fahd Bin Abdullah-Aziz Al Saud, congratulating him on this feat and wishing him well in his new responsibilities. When he was told about who was on the line, “King wa wapi?!” they told him Saudi Arabia, he said, okay put him on the line and then they talked for some time., No sooner had he finalized his conversation with the king, another equally powerful monarch, the Sultan of Brunei, called in to wish him happy returns. The calls of congratulations kept on coming thick and first!! By lunch time he had been on the phone with over 20 Presidents, various Prime Ministers, heads or State etc. and still he labored on with the scanty English that he could master, trying as much as possible not to descend in to the Kiswahili Language with which he was so much more comfortable with. In the afternoon there were calls from the Prime Minister of The Federal Republic of Germany, then the President of Argentina, The Ambassador of the Royal Danish Embassy, then Chancellor of the Exchequer (at which point he told someone “Wewe kujja hapa saa yi, Sasa yiyo ni University ya hapa Uganda?!” (meaning ‘hey you over there, is that ‘exchequer’ also a University somewhere in Uganda?). Anyway that day, he received so many phone calls from so many distinguished, high ranking personalities that at the end of the day, he was had remarking solemnly to some close friend “Sasa Yiyi kazi ya Obote ni Ngumu sana!!” (Sincerely, this job of Obote is a very tough one!!) On On!!!
Up Circle; - We gathered inside the Restaurant/bar/Night Club that Buddies is, and had the circle courtesy of Party boy, the Hash Master. By the way the hash venue is owned by Kazoora, formerly of WBS Television, but now working with Pepsi Cola Uganda which explains the Mirinda fruity T-shirts that we received. By ‘we” I refer to a lucky or is it a chosen handful of Hashers who were fortunate enough or who came early enough to earn themselves a right to a T-shirt. My guess is that they were less than 40 or something, compared to the more than 100 Hashers who turned up to start the hash. Some Wankerettes like Septic Tonku chose not to wear the T-shirt but to wrap it around their bottoms. Thanks for the T-shirts. Anyway, at about 3 Minutes past six o’clock we set off for the run.
The Run; - The run started from Buddies, then backwards along the road that approaches Ntinda from Bukoto till that turn or rise up to the Home of the father one of Uganda’s leading Musicians ‘Bebe Cool’. There is a slight rise then a steep descent towards a valley like place then through a couple of residential houses then again risings up to the top of the hill then down again, with two or three check backs for the Hashers and the Runners and the running a long winding Kilometer of residential area till we came to the first Check point. I read a sign post at this check point and it indicated that we were somewhere in Bukoto. It was at this point that we had the newest release of the latest of Blow Back’s Hash song. It was quite a revelation and for those of you who missed it here we go;-
My name is John
And I work at the Moonberg Breweries.
I got a Wife
Two kids
Both W****rs
And my Bossie said to me
Push the button with your finger
. . .
(After the whole song is sang, similar chorus, then it gets to, Push the button with your elbow, then push the button with your right leg then he finally says f**k you) It involves physical demonstration of these actions which is quite energetic to follow) On On Blow Back.
The trail then took us past the KISU International School where the torpedo in the names of Solar Erection (who apparently is the official Hash Trash, and I her assistant, and also is the one who came up with this lovely idea of running the hash rash completely paper less by using the blog). . . meandering again . . . Past the International School we went and on no to with one check back just before we descended into the ghetto like area of Kamwokya trading centre. However at this point some, actually not just some, many Hashers and Runners refused to check back and went onwards to the Bukoto Ntinda road. Some of these including GM hackenbush decided at this point to abandon the run and go straight back to the Hash venue. Those of us who checked back were lead into the meandering ghetto of Kamwokya, where after a little while of running aimlessly realized then that Hare too was lost and was busy searching for the right route out of the slum. After finding the right way out, we sped to reach the road that short cuts the Kira road Police station, This road connects Kamwomkya trading centre direct to somewhere just before the Kabira Club. We crossed this road at the lowest point (near the valley) and then saw the hashers and runners who had refused to get checked back way across the football field just before you reach the Kira Road Police Station. W e crossed that No-man’s land lookalike area, past the football pitch across the small around about past the Police station then onto the Lugogo By pass road, which I hear these days was given another name Like John Babiha Avenue, (Actually it is called Rotary Avenue) down towards the turn off opposite Mackenzie vale, and on On towards the School, that is in that area, I think it could be the Kampala Parents Schools, then we had a steep climb up to reaches the Check point number two at the middle of that Naguru Hill. From the second check point, they had small check back for the runners and Hashers, which Pesticide decided not to honor the check back knowing full well the geography of the area as his office is located within the vicinity, so he instead took / enjoyed that loop alone. At this point I heard some w****rette, who has probably never set a run say that they hares should be more serious and ensure that they maximize the use of any and all loops that they may find on their trails.) (fine idea, its just that searching for those loops . . . Eh anyway, My advice for these “run critics” should be, hey why do you not set out own hash?, and then we see how good you can really be with those loops.). Anyway, from the missed loop we went up past the Solar Erection’s office; where I saw her calling somebody who probably keeps the place o come see her running. It was another uphill climb to the midway point of the hill then we went down and started traversing the Naguru Slum, . . . okay upper Naguru area. It was a mixture of several uphill and down hills and one major check back that brought us back to the road that passes Kembabazi’s place then onwards to the AIDS something place then down wards and then we took the long road the at reaches Spot After, which apparently now belongs to the Hashette Mahoganess. Someone remarked to me that we had passed right by Pisser’s Residence somewhere along the route. It would have been a nice idea to popup in for one for the road but maybe next time. From Spot after it was an On In. The run I could approximate was about 12 KM, although I heard it from Baby Hen, that it was around 10KM but felt like 12 KM because of the several up hills and the down hills. By the time some of us got to the Hash venue, the water was finished (or should I be saying the water was over) and there were just a few pieces of fruits remaining. Someone reminded the complainers that please save water and buy drink beer. Nice Idea if you asked me.
The circle.
Announcements:-
The Africa hash is still on First week end of May 2011, Addis Ababa Ethiopia. Early bird registration is going on at about 100$US check out the website.
Kampala – Jinja Relay is on 31st July, 2010. A team is composed of 9 people and two of which must be of the opposite sex.
Next weeks run due to take place at Victoria Hotel, Ggaba. Hares are likely o be Tutu and Dick Chopper.
The ‘Push your button song was repeated again”

New Comers.
There were lots of these ugly faces, including
- Jackson, who has especially been recruited as a mercenary specifically for the Jinja Relay. 9Some one later told me that the fellow is actually Queenie’s Brother, so please Hash Respect, we have got another American . . .‘Black American on Our hands)(He told us that he was made to come buy Hose pipe, so that is one more Mercenary for No Pork . . . City Tyres beware)
- Christine from NewYork, made to come by Daniel, someone mentioned an Intern, and maybe she was the one or something.
- We had Meg from New York
- Carol who was made to come by Running Stomach, she is working with AON, America on Line for you learned men.
- Julius k from Uganda telecom was a returnee
- Arrow girl made her baby girl Darlyne come.
- Justin from North Carolina who was made to come by Daniel
- Michael Mpulumba who was brought to the Hash by Dirty Dick.
At this point Hackenbush chose to move the circle to another point just underneath a huge tent.
Sinners
Al’s bar was seen/ caught Chatting the evening away with a regular female hasher, who apparently has got no Hash Handle and really must at be in need of it as she was so hesitant to give me her name that I had to drug it out of her. Hey were pair together and interlocked arms to drink our down downs. The next chatter box pair was Bowling Balls and Fat Man, while third Chatter box pair was Parmalat and Michael Mpulumba again were seen chattering away about something about embezzling funds.
Darlyne and Adiga were also seen chattering, both of these were hash virgins if I am not mistaken.

Other Sinners / Chatter boxes.
Federo for chatting to his subjects while they were in the circle
Solar Erection for showing off her offices while we were running up hill in the Naguru Area.
Wanche for something that I did not get.
Wide Ass for chattering away the evening
The Chatter box was won by Wanche.
Hash Shit
Kisanjja was nominated for being so mean that for the past five months or so, he has been moving around with all the ribbons from the 7Hills run that we held sometime in Feb this year. Hackenbush said that Kisanjja has piled up an assortment of various ribbons, of several colors from previously held runs and that Apparently he keeps these ribbons in his car, and when he hears that there is a clamp down on those who do not have ribbons, he dashes to his car, after seeing the color that they are looking out for, then gets the correct ribbon from his ribbon store and then returns smiling triumphantly. Ear to ear, after having successfully beaten the system once more.
The full details of this just made everyone know that there would only be one nominee for the Hashit but it appeared that someone had forewarned him of the impending dilemma and he decided to take off (Or you could say, he decided to “go for a burial in Kisumu at 3:00 am in the morning”)
The second nominee for hashit was Arrow gal, but because she is a grand mattress, Blow back had no power to summon her to the circle, so instead; he got Kamdulu to come into the circle to represent the Late GM Arrow gal. The crime was that after soliciting for Billions of KH3 Hashers Money is to make customized T-shirts as Haberdasher 2010, the ones that had received theirs were a little bit disappointed that they did not have hash handles on them. Anyway, the nomination was something along those lines.
The third nomination was Hash Cash Mutawe , aka Slippery Dick, for something that I did not get. Mutawe aka slippery dick won this award, actually this last part I did not recorded so I am just guessing. I hope I am right. Anyway, that was that.
What happened after that included a football match that was featuring Brazil and some other team but I do not recall, anyway, what happened after that was not the responsibility of the MMC.
On On


Katanga Bbi

Run #1384 Daytona Bar and Washing Bay

Run #1384

Daytona Bar and Washing Bay

Hares: Idle Balls and Buffalo Dung

We came together on a lovely Monday evening at the Daytona Pub for a run with "too much beer," that was "too slippery" and didn't have nearly enough young kids running along with us.  The hares, Idle Balls(who ran the entire hash with a kavera and its mysterious contents) and Buffalo Dung got a down down for their efforts.  Our regular religious advisor, Queenie was MIA from the circle.  Rumor had it that he was already in Kuching, Malaysia, trying to figure out how he could overstay his visa...

Hare-Raiser Announcements:

I deserve a big pat on the back for understanding a single thing that Mpuuta says, and I'm not going to guarantee that any of this is accurate but here is what I *think* he said:

- Jinja Relay is coming up and will be a 30,000/- fee for hashers, teams of 9, see hare raiser for details

- Kuching, 1st of July is the deadline to get visas for traveling to China

- Next hash will be at Buddies in Ntinda, after Kadic Clinic, opposite Ntinda Shell

There were a few new-comers, most of which it seems yours truly was responsible for bringing yet do I get a beer???  NO!  Does this have anything to do with the late Hash Master, Hacken Bush, drinking the down down beer... AGAIN?!?!  Maybe.  Did I actually want any of that swill that the hash has been serving lately, Efes? Hells No!!  Am I going to stop asking questions and then answering them???  yes, for now anyway.

New-Comers:

- Just Ryan from the US was brought by none-other than the Hash Scribe, Solar Erection

- Just Carlo said she sells food and was also brought by moi (for those of you uncultured bastards, when I use a capital "M,"  THAT'S a former leader of Kenya, when I use a small "m," that would be the word for "me" in French, pronounced "mwa."  That's French lesson #1, you're welcome)

- Just Darlyne works for UTL and also came because of me myself and I...  did I mention there was no down down for me???  because of this grievous error, I am demanding that my next down down be my favorite beer: Capital Brewery's Island Wheat 

- Just Tom came because of Narrow Arrow

- Just Anita of Kampala who sells fuel told us that no one made her come and we were all sad for her

Returnees:

- Just Matt came back after an absence of a few weeks, incidentally he was also seen stretching at one of the check points when he should've been singing along to Deo's song.  Hashers: we need to teach these newbies or they'll never learn!

- Kimansulo was returning from making babies, five of them to be exact

Sinners:

- Witch Doctor was caught using a vibrating machine

- Blowback was brought in for a down down for exciting the muslim women in Mbuya by running half-naked through their neighborhood

- Kamdul, for coming in the circle

- Foxy for touching her nipples

- Mupakasi, Katanga Bbi, Perry Mason and Conman for starting a hash circle at a Rugby match

The circle was then delighted by a special song written especially for the Kampala Hash for Blowback (though it's a song that we've heard before), an extra-special rendition of the titty-bum song.

Chatterbox:

This award came down to Just Janet, (new-comer) Just Ryan and Fat Man, and the circle decided that the two people without hash handles were just not ready for the responsibility that is Chatterbox.  Fat Man took the prize.

Hashit:

The ultimate prize had a lot of contenders on Monday evening.  

- Mahoganis apparently bought Nob View Hotel and according to Hacken Bush, has changed that great, descriptive name to something unbelievably dull and boring.

- Buffalo Dung was caught masturbating while singing back-up for a well-known Ugandan songstress

- Slippery Dick (Hash Cash) was nominated for buying crates and crates of Efes beer.  (For some of you who don't drink beer or who haven't had the occasion to drink this stuff, it is horrible!  I think I would rather land, face-down, mouth open in the Nakivubo Channel than do one more down down with that sewage they call beer)

Unfortunately, the Hashit implements were left in Dirty Dick's car (do I smell Hashit for next week?!)

Slippery Dick took the prize and deservingly so.

That's all my notes are telling me so until the next time (which happens to be in less than 24 hours but hey, at least I got this post up before the next hash, I consider it a victory!),

On! On!

Solar Erection

Run 1383

Run 1363 – Comprehensive Hotel - Natete
Location; Located a few meters before you reach the traffic control lights located at Natete Trading Centre. It is a five storied building that got lots of parking space at the back of the hotel building, plus a large grassy area ideal for holding “ebivulu’ or musical galas.
Date; Monday, 14th June 2010
Hares; Baby Hen and Kilavu love
The Run;
The run was a standard run, just slightly short of 8 KM, although the Hare later told me it was about 9.5Km. It started from the Hash venue then went a few hundred meters along the road towards Ndeeba then branched off to climbs that big hill that you see when you reach Ndeeba, is it called Mutundwe or something. Anyway the Hares were very creative in ensuring the check points were well spread out and the runners and Hashers and the walkers reach the check points just right on time. The final section of the run took us all the way to the very top of the Hill and then it was check back time. The rest of ht run was three KM rum down the hill from the very top to the Hash venue. It actually could have been the 9.5 KM that the hare claimed it would be. After the run, we were treated to a sumptuous meal of bananas and the usual pine apples and water melon. . . Actually did you know that Water melon is the only fruit that does not have a Luganda translation . . . I heard that from somewhere near the Nakasero Market area. The translation of the word water melon is Water meloni (not that the letter “i” does not really count. Anyway, when we returned to the hash venue, we found that the World cup match between Cameroun and South Korea had been won by the South Koreans, and had ended about 30 minutes. Come to think of it, did you know some of the most tightly guarded secrets of the World cup happened in the 1942 World cup in Berlin Germany? I bet you did not know it but it is something that is only spoken or is it whispered in the corridors of the World cup head quarters. I hear there was a match in which China was playing against the Democratic republic of Congo and back then which was called Zaire and the match ended with an incredible score something like 24-0 because they way when the goal keeper would attempt to grab the ball, it would turn into a snake and he would run away from it. I hear that one of the teams requested the referee to allow them to play bare feet at the half time because they were not used to wearing football boots!! The full details of that match will never be revealed as there is a permanent injunction or do the Liars call it caveat was placed on the records by FIFA lawyer. Do not quote me.
The circle.
The circle started in the absence of the down downs. Some ignoramus decided to call the circle in regardless of the absence of the drinks that tare given out to sinners and new comers otherwise known as down downs. After a brief delay marked by the famous Christmas hash hit single “Why are we waiting”, the circle got underway.
Announcements; The announcement for the Jinja Relay was made once again. The Kampala – Jinja Relay will take place on 31st July 2010. Starting time is exactly 7:00 am in the morning. Starting venue is Kiira Trading Centre, Wakiso District. The run will start on time. There will be a bus sponsored by KH3 that will leave from the National Theatre in Kampala at exactly 6:00 am for those who will need transport to the venue. This bus too will leave on time, just like last year when it left at 05:59:54Seconds. No tricks. At last years’ Jinja relay Dirty Dick was in charge of the departure time of this bus and it was such a shock to see him dispatch this bus with only a handful of hashers on it. He said he did this so that we could learn how to keep time. Some of us learn’t the lesson.
The second announcement was about the venue of the next run. The next run will be held at a place called Daytona Bar and Restaurant which is located at the base of Mbuya hill. Directions: - after the market in Bugolobi, climb up toward the MTN Switch building and turn left and reaches the turn of to Ismail Road then about 50 Meters along Ismail Road, you will see the sign post to this Restaurant. There is a car wash bay neighboring this Daytona Restaurant. The Hash has taken place there before.
New Comers and Returnees
Mama Mia who had apparently been mining oil in the Albertine Region in one of the segments called Mpuuta One. He has shown such exceptional skill in the art or is it science of Oil Mining that He has been urgently called by the US Authorities and BP Management to try and find out a way of helping to stop that oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico once and for all!! He recommended the sending of a Nuclear Missile down to the base of that thing and blasts that thing to kingdom come. It is hoped that the force of the blast will scatter a lot of debris which is likely to close the leak, at least for some time as we think of “banange” what shall we do (or is it “Why shall I do?). The thing has refused to stop!! Anyway, If this Mama Mia solution fails, we will contact Teeny, who has been in outside countries for such a long time to get us the Final Solution to this quagmire.
Other New comers included Adam Harris., who was made to come by Chi also a new comer. Apparently Chi is both from the UK and Nigeria; I hope you know what that means because I do not. Both of these people were made to come by Charlotte.
Sinners;-
Hackenbush remarked that a new public holiday had been officially commemorated and will be observed on the 7th June of every year. This will be the “National Pot hole Day” and he noticed Mama Mia fishing a large Nile Perch aka mpuuta from a Pothole in Bugolobi recently on the 7th of June. Mama Mia instantly became a sinner for this crime.
Toilet Window was nominated for a down down for starting a countdown somewhere in between mid way the numbers. He started at 2, then 3 then 4. He too was a nominated by Hackenbush.
Muchira was nominated for short cutting somewhere during the circle.
We song to them the famous 20 toes down down sang.
Happy Bashday.
Queenie announced that a regular Hashette would be celebrating her birth day some time soon. The Birth day girl is Bowling Balls and when asked how old will you be, someone remarked, she is approaching thirty, another one remarked, just like the famous cartoon “Ekanya” . . . From which Direction?. This must have bemused Kandahar as she kept on repeating the whole line over and over. I am sure she was hearing it for the first time. On On
Apparently, during her down down moment, Arrow Girl joined her and the two did their thing together.
Other sinner included Bent Dick for bringing a returnee and failing to declare this returnee to all of us gathered there. The returnee was called Pauline Mayanja.
Other Sinners
Dirty Dick Nominated Mahoganess for buying a whole bar in the suburbs of Kampala called “The Spot After”. He apparently read the story in the popular Tabloid “The Red Pepper”, which flattered her so much introducing her as “Auntie Money” (Remember Uncle Money), and she was so embarrassed about this un-solicitated publicity that she asked the Red Pepper Management that please with draw that article. They promptly withdrew it with apologies. . . But of course for us at the Hash, we know what we know. The next time you are in the area, just go there and leave the Bill or is it (The Bell) (As Hillary told us recently when he asks the waitresses to bring him the Bill, they instead bring him a cold Bell). Anyway, leave the Bill in the names of Mahoganess or the Hash Cash. They will pay! (Fat Chance of that happening).
Anyway, DD asked Mahoganess to appear or any other Liar; they were nowhere to be seen so Kifulugunyu, a state Attorney who only practices in Juba stepped in to represent the Liars.
Chatterboxes; - Toilet Window, for shouting louder than the Vuvuzelas that are rocking Soccer City in Johannesburg, World cup 2010. Peeping Dick was nominated for not complaining about the human Vuvuzela in Toilet window who was just next to him.
Baby Hen was nominated for never having said anything wrong in the circle or out of it.
Chatter box was won by baby Hen hands down.
Hashshit;- The Nominees for the most prestigious award were;- Elephant, who had been sweating gallons during the hard run up that hill and back, for wisely for is it unwisely changing his T-shirt for a drier one (or is it Dryer one) during the circle.
Dick Chopper was nominated for leading some young men astray during the run.
Yours truly was nominated for forgetting to remove his kit from the vehicle of Federo, and Federo driving away with his entire kit, and then later hooking a lift from GM Hackenbush and then getting lost in trying to locate the flat.
Dick Chopper won this one hands down.
After the circle, it was meal time, and time of watch the match between Italy and Paraguay, and the management was convinced to show the match on the giant screen and they obliged.
On On
Katanga BBI

Run 1382

Run 1382 – Victoria Suites Namasuba Entebbe Road, About 5 KM along the Kampala Entebbe Road turn left at the flat section in the valley past Moil Petrol Station.

Date: Monday 7th June 2010,
Hares: Kamdulu, Horse Pipe & Sudhir

The Run;
Before I go into that part of the run and stuff, there are some very interesting stories that I have been meaning to include in this blog but somehow I have missed the opportunity on numerous occasions, however, here we go.
1. Did you know that there as a time not so long ago, that our dear Hare Raiser, Mpuuta booked for food twice at the same run, and ended up with two caterers all scheduled to supply their food at the run, and both of who showed up?! Actually due to some misunderstanding with the Hare, or some confusion between the Hare Raiser and the hare, or call it a lot of confusion between the two, our dear Mpuuta arrives with the food at the run after the circle had ended only to see Hashers and Hashettes lining up and being served by some “other” strange Caterer. He started asking someone . . .”Eeeeh who brought this food??”, before he got a chance to get a response he added . . . “But Eeyyeeee, didn’t I TOLD her not to bring the food” Didn’t I TOLD her that I will bring the food. . .” “Now what am I going to do with this food Banange”,”I have already paid my own money for it” Do you think Hash Cash will give me a refund”. . . etc. You should have been there, I should have been there, but from what I heard, it was probably one of the most Hilarious scenes from Hash Mismanagement Teams that you will ever come across. You could have laughed your head off. It was hilarious beyond belief. I am told eventually that this “second food” was not eaten by the Hashers; I do not know what exactly he did to it. Did he take it back to the person whom he bought it from to sell it back to them? Did he get a group of Homeless people in Kampala and gave them a feast to remember? Ask him the next you meet him.
2. The second incident happened to one of the Players from the English Football Team, he asked his wife to pack for him the kit to travel with, and did a most perfect job of packing the full kit but instead of packing one pair of football boots, she packed two left shoes!!. The poor fellow only realized it minutes to boarding the bus that would take them to the stadium to play, and started dashing around the Hotel Lobby and shopping centre to try and save the situation of having to wear two left boots. It reminds me of those so many times when I clearly thought that I had packed my shoes in the bag and realized it at the last moment that actually I did not pack the shoes but left them just by the door or something similar.
3. The third story is something that I know is much more interesting than these two, but I have forgotten. Maybe next time. By the way, in further trying to revolutionalize (what a long word) the Hash blog, we are going to be inviting hashers and Hashettes to have their say and write the blogs for some of the remaining articles of this year blog posting, considering that variety is the spice of life. The next article is probably going to be posted by Arrow Girl’s gal Narrow Arrow. Watch this space.
The Run -1382.
“The run took us through the exact same route as the one that was set at the same venue there a few weeks ago” were the words of Late Multiple GM, Hackenbush, and I couldn’t agree more. Same run along the Entebbe road, then zig zagging til the top of the Hill to reach the Home of the famous Architect that did not want the Architectural wonders of anyone discovered, and ending up on top of one of the highest levels around the Namasuba Area, a spectacularly breathtaking view of the Kampala City Centre and the surrounding view where you can see the lake Victoria and all, it was one of the highlights of the run. It was fantastic being there on top of this hill admiring the City of Seven Hills which is fast becoming 21.
Many w****rs returned quite exhausted by the run, it was Longish, if there is such a word as “Longish”, but the fact is that the runners route was 6-8 KM, while the walkers were not spared either, as there was no room for short cutting.

New Comers
Peace, a Hash Virgin was made to come by Ellis
Pretty Frida, a House wife visiting form a Hash Hose in Indonesia
Bacon and Eggs, a visiting late GM from the Hanoi Hash House Harriers.
Katamba Deo was made to come by Dr. Sekirime Wilberforce who apparently was recently baptized, but I forget his hash handle
We had a sang which was song by the visiting hasher from Hanoi Hash House Harriers – I bet their abbreviation is (H4). He was the famous Bacon and Eggs, he gave us a rendition of the Hanoi Song that has some of the following lyrics. . Hanoi a wonderful place hash come along and sing a song from the wonderful Hanoi Hash. Etc

Sinners
Dirty Dick nominated Rip Off for having appeared in the famous Onion Newspaper advertising something to do with being skinned off.
Hackenbush nominated Rock Garden for despite having so many runs, moving around while needlessly making so much noise.
Hackenbush again nominated Bowling Balls for having fallen over about six weeks ago and not knowing that she had actually sustained fractured both her arms in that fall, and only realizing that she had actually broken her arms after seeing another doctor. (perhaps the first doctor that you saw was not a real doctor but a witch doctor)(Anyway, glad to know that the problem has been traced and the solution is fast on its way, On On Bowling Balls)
Deborah Kalibala was nominated for talking in the circle
At this juncture, or should I say that at his Junction, just like the good mayor of this town when he said “These are the 10 reasons why I AM LEFT DP and forming another party”. At this junction, we had a word from the visiting GM from H4 who presented Hash badges to the Hash Master Party Boy and another English Gentleman who has about 4 runs called Mark Amos.
Actually, upon presenting this memento, someone recalled the recent story of an English Man in New York Kampala who grabbed a sleek Mobile Phone from a shop in Kampala and took off as fast as his legs would take him. He was nabbed right in the centre of the city and taken to Central Police Station, Kampala, where he confessed that he had stolen the phone because his papers, bank cards, passport and other valuables were stolen by some goons in Kampala, along the street. He further claimed that he had reported the matter to the British High Commission, in Kampala but they were yet to secure the replacement documents so he had been forced to commit this action. The television stations later in the evening showed him being man handled at the CPS as he wanted to escape again, the pictures from the station actually show him receiving some hot slaps and being kicked into the cell, but off course someone is going to come around and deny this ever happened. It was simply outrageous, but as they say here, that’s life Mwattu. Meaning that’s life my dear friend.
Anyway, the events involving that particular English gentleman who is actually a flight engineer by profession ensured that all English Men in the circle get a down down . . . And of course when the mighty English men gather and Queenie is not there among them, then, that gathering is incomplete. So Queenie was also called to receive the down down together with his fellow English men that included Hackenbush, Mark Amos, Bacon and eggs, plus Blow back. Dirty Dick later told me that actually Queenie is not an English Man he is an American . . . or the Luganda translation is even funnier . . .”Oyo Mu Mellica” .
Somewhere at this point, we had a new shoes buy one of the GM, it could have been Pisser, I do not recall, but of course you know, that when one grand master drinks., all grand masters drinks, and so it was another major down down involving Party Boy, Kabuki, pisser, Hackenbush, visiting GM Bacon and Eggs, the usual suspects Arrow girl representing the Hash mattresses who by the way are getting scarcer and scarcer at the circle!!?? Somehow Muchira got into the act of doing the new shoes thingie, probably he either had new shoes too or thinks he is a ground master not Grand Master. On On!
Announcements
The Annual Jinja Relay has been brought forward to July 31st 2010, instead of the previously announced date of 7th August. The reason was not given, so tentatively, everyone out there, take note the JINJA RELAY IS GOING TO BE RUN ON 31ST JULY 2010.
Announcements continued:- Next week’s run will be taking place at Comprehensive Hotel Natete as you are approaching Ndeeba, when you reach the area; there is a “Tall whatever” to use the exact same words of our dear Hare Raiser.
Chatter Boxes
Ellis & some one that I forget for talking too much.
Dick Chopper and whopper for chattering the night away.
You will remember that Dick Chopper had won this chatter box at the last count and this time democracy ruled and Whopper won it hands down.
Hashit/Hash Shit

The nominees for this top award went to yours truly for Irrigating along the trail. As you all know there is only one Pisser on the hash and since it is not Katanga BBi and he is caught doing it, then he gets the nomination. At this point I thought I would have the Obama factor and win this one too, until Dirty Dick stepped in and brought in another nominee for hash Shit. Apparently, DD attended the ten O’clock Sunday service at Christ the King Church in Kampala City and as he humbly made his way out of the crowded Church, he had some one call out DIRTY DICK !! . He turned around only to see Mupakasi smiling to him, ear to ear. Since Mupakasi had not yet arrived, we looked around for any Liar but they all refused to join into the fun.
The third and final nominee for the prestigious prize was Foxy. Foxy was observed by the Eagle eyed acting Hash Cash for not having paid the mandatory 7.000/= for the run at the last week’s run. On being asked why she had not paid, she said, that “I wanted to pay but the book was not there”. Actually this sounds like a very good excuse not to pay . . . Let’s hear it again “I WANTED TO PAY BUT THE BOOK WAS NOT THERE!”
Foxy took home the Hash Shit for the day, and that my friend was the conclusion of the circle.
Involving more writers . . .
It’s been lots of fun to write down these blog pages, although it requires tremendous chunks of time, and a pen and paper, it was truly memorable. We would like to have more of the hashers enjoy the power of the pen too so we shall be asking different personalities to write the week’s blog and help them post it after some minor editing and stuff. Next week will be narrow Arrow . . .; my words of advice “Just let those words flow and live your life!”
A word from Al’s Bar.
You all know that Al’s is organizing this year’s Jinja Relay, on behalf of the KH3 and he called me recently and we spoke for a few minutes. A part from being one of the people who were very instrumental in starting the Kampala-Jinja Relay, Al’s bar has been one of the people who have always promoted the significance ad stature of this event to higher and more International level. Al’s was telling me that he would love to have this relay leave and indelible mark on the lives of some of the people who stay/reside along the towns that he relay cris-crosses.
WHAT IF?!
What if every team that showed up at the start of the Jinja Relay showed up with all their necessary equipment and supplies PLUS something a little more to give away to the people along the route. Perhaps at the check point where they are supposed to supply water, they could make some sort of charitable contribution someone there. This charitable contribution could preferably be channeled through the local authorities such as the Local Council One Chief or Women’s Leader or something. The whole concept of the Relay could leave a Legacy. Yeah we are talking legacy now not just spending the whole day running and drinking beer and only leaving a legacy of bottle tops along the way. Okay we could leave a legacy of beer bottle tops along the way, and also something for Mr. and Mrs. Charity. . . Every Team could think of a charitable act that they will perform at a given check point during the relay and then do it on that day . . . and then leave a legacy, and then next year we shall do something g similar, and see how it can be improved and then it will all be that extra, a little bit more meaningful to run the Jinja Relay. Makes sense to me.
The whole idea/concept is still at idea level, however, with your input, it could become more and more of a reality so we shall need you to contribute your advice first and in Bush Speak after Haiti “You do not need to send blankets, Cornflakes and stuff, Just send Money” . . . Anyway, seriously, this Charity along the Jinja relay idea could prove to be a hit. Join in, support it, On On!!

Katanga Bbi